I’m a big fan of date nights and weekends away in marriage. Susan and I still have those regular times together. Making a special effort to spend one-on-one time with your spouse tells your spouse that you treasure them.

Dinner and a stroll in the park or a bed-and-breakfast getaway can show your spouse they are important to you, and that’s good, but there are some simple things you can do every day to show them that they are immeasurably valuable. Minor moments are as important as grand gestures in strengthening your marriage.

Every spouse in every marriage will, at some point, want to talk to others about some private marital struggles. Many just want someone to listen, or to understand the hurt, anger or confusion they are going through. Susan and I have had our moments of venting to friends in our 28 years of marriage.

But sharing things carelessly, to the wrong person at the wrong time, can change a problem into a full-blown crisis. Before baring marital problems to others, there are nine things below you might consider.

Trained professionals who handle firearms, manage complex work systems, work in law enforcement, or serve in the military are taught to be alert, ready to respond to threats at a moment’s notice based on what is called “situational awareness.” But they’re also taught that treating everything like a high-level threat will exhaust them, lead to costly and dangerous mistakes, and diminish their effectiveness. Similarly, in marriage, it’s important to be alert to threats, but a constant defensive stance can exhaust or smother the marriage