I like to leave notes around the house for my wife, Susan. I’ve done it for years and she’s really appreciated them. I’d leave a sticky note with messages like “You caffeinate me!” on the coffee pot or “Checking you out…” on the bathroom mirror. My motivation was solely to make her feel good. I wanted her to know I cared about her deeply. I wanted her to know I was thinking about her even when I was not around.
Husbands, especially in the beginning of a marriage, seem to spend a lot of time learning what makes their wives feel loved. That’s part of the fun of marriage, and it gets easier to figure out the longer you’re together. But have you spent as much time learning what turns your wife off? That can be less fun, or even painful sometimes. No two wives are the same, but I think it’s safe to say these are 9 of the biggest turnoffs for wives.
1. Fishing
No, I’m not talking about the lake. I mean fishing for compliments. It comes off as needy. We tend to desire respect and affirmation from our spouses, and fishing for compliments is an easy way to get that ego boost. But it can be a turnoff for wives who feel like they constantly have to dole out praise just to make us feel happy.
2. Grumpiness
Grumpiness is a negative choice, even if it’s an understandable one. When we get grumpy, the people around us will feel on edge, wondering if their words or actions will cause you extra irritation. They’ll wonder if it’s their fault and will naturally want to get some distance from you. Examine your attitude if you want to be consistently close to your spouse. Choose joy, even when it’s hard to do.
3. Complaining
Just like grumpiness, constant complaining isn’t attractive. Few people are going to want to spend time around someone who is constantly seeing life through a negative lens. Complaining comes off as self-centered. Marriage, by design, is about sacrifice and giving.
4. Laziness
No matter your age, continue to set goals and lay out steps to achieve them. Choose the gym over the couch. Don’t fall into the trap of being lazy and disguise it as “rest.” Show ambition and drive.
5. Procrastination
Why do today what you could do tomorrow? Because it’s a bad pattern to fall into and could also leave your wife feeling like you don’t prioritize things properly. Has she been asking you to fix something at the house or to have an important conversation? Putting off what could be done today is a major turnoff.
6. Busyness
Busyness is a barrier to true connection. Work demands are important. So are other commitments we make. But when we get too busy to check in with our wives by asking about her day or listening to her highs and lows, we introduce possible disconnection, miscommunication, and hurt feelings. Be intentional about how you budget your time with your spouse. If not, you send the messages that other stuff matters more to you than her, which is a major turnoff.
7. Poor Hygiene
This one seems obvious. Yes, we can get dirty working in the yard or garage, but don’t expect kisses if you’re stinky. Take the time to present yourself well to your wife. She’ll notice and appreciate it.
8. Mixed Signals
Inconsistency is tough on any relationship but especially troublesome with marriage. Mixed signals will leave your spouse not knowing what to expect from you, and that’s not a recipe for connection.
9. Sloppiness
Sloppy dress. Sloppy eating. Sloppy habits. None of this is attractive. Don’t let yourself go. Shine for your spouse, and put as much effort into keeping her happy as you did while you dated her.
Have you ever considered how you may be turning your spouse off? Share in a comment.
