Marriage comes with plenty of misunderstandings. Ask anyone who has been married for five minutes or five decades, and he or she undoubtedly will agree. Spouses experience friction all the time. They disagree, argue, and even complain. That’s part of sharing a life with someone.
Sometimes, misunderstandings are due to a true difference of opinion. Other times, it’s because neither husband nor wife is communicating points of view effectively. If left unaddressed, these misunderstandings can fester and grow into major stumbling blocks in your relationship. It happens more often than you’d think. Here are 4 common causes of misunderstanding in relationships.
1. Making Assumptions
You assumed she was going to load the dishwasher because even though you usually load it, you were running late this morning. She assumed you’d load it anyway. Turns out, nobody did it, and now you’re both scowling because it’s dinnertime and all the dishes are dirty. Combat assumptions like these by communicating clearly. Speak up. Ask questions. You’ll avoid making assumptions when you put yourself in each other’s shoes.
2. Mistrust
A rule I have always followed since getting married 34 years ago is avoiding traveling or eating alone with a woman who is not Susan. It helps me avoid the perception of infidelity and keeps my wife from fearing any wrongdoing. I understand this isn’t always doable but is a good rule to follow whenever possible. It’s important because mistrust, another of the common causes of misunderstanding in relationships, is a marriage killer. Set up guardrails in your relationship that show your wife that she is your top priority. It could be perceived as unnecessary or uncomfortable for others, but avoiding mistrust will result in a stronger relationship and help you dodge misunderstandings.
3. Arrogance
Husbands and wives are partners. Neither of you is more important to the relationship than the other. It’s arrogant to act like you’re more important than your spouse, and arrogance is soil where misunderstandings can grow quickly. Persistently and publicly praising each other for your ideas and accomplishments staves off arrogance. Is your spouse incredibly organized? Does she handle the school PTA like a champ? Does he organize fundraisers or lead Bible studies? Praise your spouse for it and keep yourself from becoming arrogant and too focused on yourself. You belong to each other. You are equals before God and each other.
4. Making Executive Decisions
Marriage is a dialogue, not a monologue. If you’re not checking in with your spouse often enough, you both start making executive decisions. When you don’t know each other’s plans, your plans might start to clash. When you make decisions that impact each other without first consulting each other, you may leave your spouse surprised—but not in a good way. While you might make whatever decision you make with the best intentions, the unforeseen consequences your spouse experiences might imply that your intentions weren’t great. But involving each other in decisions prevents misunderstandings.
What are some other common causes of misunderstanding in relationships? Share in a comment.
