I just woke up. I feel terrible. My wife and I got into a fight last night.
It pains me to tell you about this argument, but I think you need to know. Why?
- You need to know that I am a mere man…a mortal man who is very flawed. A man who is often impatient, sometimes unkind, and certainly selfish.
- I am a man who struggles with himself. I sometimes say the things I don’t want to say and do the things I don’t want to do.
- I don’t always practice what I preach. I really try, but it’s so much easier to tell other people what to do than to do it myself.
- I am not “better” than anyone else. I have no credentials—no Ph.D., no Dr., and no LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) in front of or behind my name…nothing that qualifies me to write this blog or lead our organization, Family First.
- I am simply on this journey of life with you and working hard to help you to be the best spouse, parent, or grandparent you can be.
So is this simply a confession? No. I’d like for good to come out of it. So what are the cardinal relationship rules that I broke last night? Well, there are many.
- I broke our curfew on having serious discussions. A long time ago, Susan and I set a nine o’ clock curfew on addressing any topics that needed a lot of thought. Last night, it was really late…about 11:30pm.
- It was bad timing. Susan wasn’t feeling very well. I should have read my blog, Avoid Arguments with Good Timing.
- I let one small issue become many issues. Of course, we all know the one issue rule: only talk about one issue at a time with your spouse.
- I used words that were mean and condescending. I did not follow the 5 Ways to Filter What You Say or 5 Toxins of the Tongue That Can Poison Your Marriage.
- I had attack intensity. Obviously, I did not follow my own advice in 5 Ways Not to Communicate with Your Wife.
- I treated Susan like the enemy even though we’re supposed to be on the same team. Are You and Your Spouse on the Same Team?
So, what am I going to do about it. Right now I’m going to pray and seek God’s forgiveness and mercy. Then, I’m going to, with humility and sincerity, ask Susan for forgiveness. And then, I am vowing not to let my tongue loose like that again. But I can’t do that in my own strength. It will be my all-knowing, all-powerful, all-present God who will give me that strength and who will shower His undeserved favor upon me and upon our marriage.
Have you broken any of these cardinal relationship rules lately? Which ones? Leave a comment.