5 Things Husbands Wish Wives Knew

5 Things Husbands Wish Wives Knew

 

I have no doubt that my wife loves me. But her day to day ways of expressing that love are not always what I want or need.

Over the years, I’ve learned that there is a wide mental and emotional gap between men and women…that’s no secret. This gap is filled with different desires, different strengths, and different ways to communicate and love one another. Every day, marriage is an attempt to bridge the gap—to overcome our differences and be able to experience joy in life together.

So to help you and your spouse practically bridge the gap, here are 5 things husbands wish wives knew:

1. We Desire Validation. Much of what I do, I do for my wife. Because I want her validation. I want to hear, “You are the man!” from her. When we do something well, we want you to take notice and affirm us.  We want our wives to be our number one source of validation. These 10 More Things Husbands Want to Hear from their Wives highlights other things we want to hear from you.

2. We Desire Respect.  We want you to respect our judgment.  A man needs his woman to value and trust his opinions and decisions, even if they prove to be wrong sometimes. That means not constantly questioning his knowledge with a “Why do you say that?” or challenging his decisions by asking, “Why don’t you just stop and get directions?”  We also want you to respect our abilities.  A man doesn’t want to hear something like, “You’re not a handyman, I’ll call the plumber” or “Sports isn’t your thing. I’ll ask John to teach him how to throw the football.”  A guy doesn’t want to be shot down before he even gives it a chance.

3. We Desire Conciseness. As a husband, I often wish that my wife, Susan, would simply give me the bottom line. Even though Susan knows this, she still sometimes gives all the background, tells me the stories, and explains details. Even though I need to listen to her express herself, I really just want her to be clear and concise with what she wants me to do.

4. We Desire Forgiveness. All husbands mess up. Most of the time it is not intentional. When we ask for forgiveness, we want you to grant us forgiveness and not hold a grudge against us and continue to bring up our historical mistakes. There is freedom in forgiveness. [Tweet This]

5. We Desire Support. I’ve said on many occasions that husbands and wives were designed to complete each other, not compete with each other. [Tweet This]  We need to know that our wives are on our team. That they really want to help and support us. That they’ve got our back all of the time. When we have to make a tough decision, when we lose a job, when we’re struggling—we need to know our wives are with us all the way.

Husbands, what are some other things you wish your wife knew? Wives, what do you think your husband wants you to know about him? I’d appreciate your thoughts  in a comment below.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Lovey

    I love the Lord and my husband in that order

    Before marriage I did a number of thing to prepare in knowledge and abilities to train to relate in this most special relationship

    Like most women of the faith I desired to do my utmost in all areas that are discussed and instructed in the Bible to the glory of God and for blessing others

    Marriage is a distinct jurisdiction that God has ordained the husband in specific and unique ways in order for the man to be blessed as a result of him being willing to learn and study and be meek to God

    A number of generations of men now have not had fathers who have been meek to God and become knowledgable and matured ….they have been lacking fathers either who abandoned their marriages AAnd family physically or checked out of engaging while remaining in the home

    Pride and lack of knowledge have ripped them off and in the process deprived wives of husbands a willing to engage.

    When a society lacks the willingness to learn what God has assigned us to learn from Him by way of study and submitting to His Word….iniquity which is lawlessness abounds.

    This is an increasing crop of bad fruit from a world full of fleshly independent people confused as to what being a man or woman is by design and jurisdiction .

    Differences that were determined by the designer are almost unknown and those that are obvious are being denied and redefined for the purposes of the enemy of God and man made in Gods image

    “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge”

    How sadly true

    I have put the above advice into practice and then some in my marriage

    My husband departed from the Lord and the Bible as he refused to receive anything from God…me and others who he had been willing to learn from

    No matter how meekly and kindly the offering or treatment from me or even his children

    Remaining immature and being closer to ungodly friends and associates just reinforced his flesh

    The carnal mind is enmity against Gods wisdom

    He enjoyed all of the affirmations and encouragements he received and any effort to supply him with any information that might have hindered his freedom to do whatever he felt like in pursuit of pleasure and activities that endangered his love for his wife and family were not received

    He determined even on our wedding day to resist any input or information that he felt hindered his pursuit of his own desires

    It was a shocking experience even as we danced our first dance

    I did as many a believing wife would do…always seeking to learn what it was I needed to learn and change to somehow become the wife my husband would be blessed with

    The bottom line I have learned after 35 years is that a man who doesn’t care about what God says will not stop to concern himself with how his choices effect others…even if he knows what consequences will come of his choices

    I home schooled our children while my husband worked on his career

    Our family made many many sacrifices so that my husband could excel

    Well he is an “overachiever” in many areas of accomplishment and in competition areas of life

    Nothing has ever been enough.

    If he did not already know about something it seems he did not think it important enough to learn about it

    If it did not bring to himself some “return” that mattered to him then it was of no use to him

    He defined all bottom lines in his work and in his relationships.

    After many many moves to accommodate his whims I discovered his length secret life

    All those times where he was being applauded for his working so hard…the sympathetic allowance for his needs for time to “refresh and regroup”….while I took on whatever he was unable (unwilling) to involve himself in our home ….he was enjoying other women….and one in particular who agreed to service him

    Not only purse dogs were in vogue but his woman who had no interest I marriage…as their agreement was made in a business like manner…..she wanted to become a “single mom by choice” as one of their emails discussed! She had radar bed this idea….apparently it has been glamorized. In this most recent generation!

    We are remaining married in title since he refused to do what it takes to actually remain and work through this terrible situation though he gave it a faint effort for a year or two then moved out to have a “separate life” that he said he had “always wanted”

    I tried for years to learn whatever I could from observation of what I could learn in how to please him

    I did not nag or pry and I did offer him insights to what he was missing out in and how I missed him

    I tried to demonstrate my care respect and love for him

    He took it all in and continued to abuse our trust

    He excused himself of family life and when invited to join in reacted with threats to stop working at all!

    His life was not going to be hindered by dealing with wife and family

    Yet when his OW argued for him to give her children because she had spend 6 years of her time with him and even having been hired after he and she began their adultery…she making 6 figures in the deal….she said that their ageement had deprived her of having children!

    This from a woman that had never expected him to leave us nor marriage

    In her own words she was extremely on the left….and a committed feminist

    Right after coming into our home …seeing our homeschooling activities and hearing the word…she then began to champaign to get babies from my husband

    They had two

    His departure from the Lord and his change of career into the financial world demonstrates two truths …evil companions corrupt good. morals and the love of money is he root of all evil

    Lust of the eyes lust of money and the pride of life….big tools in the armament of the devil

    He was not teachable and was not content and the spirit of the age has taken everything of true value from him

    The retirement and savings we once had is gone…eaten up by the necessity to pay child support

    When she quit working she had savings but his ego was leveraged and he bought her a new house and a Lexus

    Throughout our marriage I strived to be a good steward of his income
    I kept my relationship growing with the Lord
    I raised our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord

    While we did bible time he would go out the door to play golf with clients or now I know spend time with his alternate universe!

    He never seemed to be touched by he losses even those when I pointed out those to himself by being gone so much and uninvolved with his family

    His demonstration to his son was that a man can become wealthy respected and admired and does not need to spend time in the Word…that the Bible and God is for women and children!

    This man is broken bitter and hates the OW and has abandoned me and left his adult daughters to tend to our home

    They are beautiful…talented and accomplished but in waiting upon the Lord to provide them with husbands and have remained virtuous they are finding the choices of their father have brought about additional hindrances to engaging with others

    Never have dated…even in college

    Many relocations have caused more isolation and less connections and this “legacy” is just an additional hindrance

    God is faithful …yet the time and continued effort to learn how to go forward is still out task

    He remains he same immature individual by choice

    Marriage and family was intended to guide us back to God to learn from His Word by His spirit how to proceed and develop through the challenges of these relationships

    Deciding to take the broad way to his own pleasure and comfort he has provided us all who were in his jurisdiction to provide AND protect…not just from outside assaults but from his own carnal fleshly character was my husbands greatest privilege and process to becoming all God had for him

    He has lacked the desire and perhaps he courage to take that mantle upon himself though he seemed to have redefined even the word “courage” in order to achieve the life that we have heard so often from that Frank Sinatra song “I did it my way”

    Seems that is the theme song of the whole world these days

    I observe that anyone who sows in any field not ordained for his life as a Christian or a husband or any other identity God has set forth…will reap the whirlwind .

    All f what a man may find to be satisfied with the wife of his youth and what will mature him is found in not lip service be actions based upon the instruction in righteousness which is God breathed for doctrine reproof and correction

    Without these a man cannot see afar off and he will fall into the ditch that only heeding the Good Shepherd will provide remedy for.

    I remain in my marriage cogenant because vows were made not just to my husband but to God and He will require the keeping of it.

    The hope is in Jesua Christ who is faithful to do all that He has promised.

  • Zaza

    My husband never took any biology or physiology
    He did not think he needed any information about sex or sexual differences between men and women

    He believed that a woman should be instantly “on” and any information about my need for foreplay or time to warm up was heard as a personal insult

    His independent attitude and disregard to how his charming behaviour encouraged other women to consider his behaviour as inviting and was painful for me soon began to hinder our intimacy

    He refused to consider the way God set marriage as sacred and set apart and the wife as priority over other priorities

    He excused himself from any considerations that he had anything to learn from God and he Bible

    Easy and entitled “access” to his wife led to his selfish disregard to learn anything he did not already presumed “worked ” to get what he wanted

    He found what he wanted I superficial arrangements with ignorant women whose low self worth made them vulnerable to his advances

    Marriage was no obstacle to those who only want to serve their own appetites