In this increasingly busy world, it’s all too easy for couples to quietly drift apart. Sure, they share a home and parenting responsibilities. There are no big problems in their relationship and they love each other. But bit by bit they lose their sense of real connection in their marriage and life together.
Just like you need to make time to sync your digital devices on a regular basis, it’s also important to be sure that your most important relationship, with your spouse, is in sync and running at its best. Here are 5 C’s to help you stay in sync with your spouse in a crazy-busy world.
1. Center on “Us.”
Marriage is the ultimate team sport, not a solo competition. Having “we” rather than “me” mindset is critical to staying in sync.
For example, if your spouse is having a hard time or health challenge, you get the opportunity to come alongside and help them. You walk through it together. Loving one another through the tough times draws you closer. Why not take a moment to consider: Are You and Your Spouse on the Same Team?
2. Cultivate Trust.
The danger of “drift” is reduced when you know that your spouse always has your best interests at heart. That sort of quiet confidence is built on the bedrock of trust—a security that your spouse is fully committed to you and your marriage. Trust is also the key to Unlocking the Door to Intimacy in Marriage.
This foundation is constructed on important things like always speaking the truth; always keeping your word; always doing what you say you will do. Don’t dismiss forgetting to pick up the laundry on the way home as being inconsequential; repeated often enough, small failures like this end up communicating to your spouse that their requests and desires don’t really matter and you don’t really care.
3. Carve out Time.
Early in our marriage, Susan and I realized that we were both too busy and all the individual good things we were involved in added up to too much time away from each other. So we both decided we would check with the other before we made any other commitments that would take away from time with each other. We also put our date nights and time together on our calendars as very important appointments. I hope reading about the 4 Powers of Couple Time will inspire you.
4. Concentrate on Them.
Perhaps like me, you’ve been in a restaurant and seen other couples more focused on their smartphones than they were each other. Don’t go there. The latest technology makes it easier for us to relay information to each other, but nothing really helps us relate better than old-fashioned face-to-face conversation.
The best present you can give your spouse is to be present. So practice being truly present with your spouse, focused on them and their thoughts and feelings. Take a moment to brush up on these 4 Ways to Be an Intentional Listener.
5. Connect in Purpose.
While the “we” focus I started with has been central for Susan and me, there has been something even more central to our marriage—a shared understanding of our purpose in life. To love each other, our children, and others well.
But all of that flows from our desire and commitment to love God well, first. So Susan and I have made it a priority to nurture our spiritual lives, individually and as a couple, knowing that as we do so, we are tapping into the source of love that fuels our lives. Putting God at the center has been the best of the 10 Best Decisions I Have Made in Marriage. I’m convinced that a truly rich marriage requires a vision that is greater than just its two participants.
How about you? What ways have you learned to stay in sync with your spouse even though you both have busy lives? Share your thoughts and experiences here.
