5 Common Mistakes Women Make in Marriage

5 common mistakes women make in marriage_thumb

 

Albert Einstein once defined insanity as, “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  By implementing some of these changes, the common mistakes women make in marriage may turn into successes.

Here are 5 common mistakes women make in marriage and what can be done about it.

1. Not showing their husband respect.   Respect his judgment.  Don’t constantly question his decisions.  Respect his abilities.  Give him a chance to fix the sink before you call the plumber.

2. Not affirming their husband as a man.  Tell your husband that you think he is handsome.  Thank him for being a good father and provider.

3. Not putting their husband before their kids.  Don’t let your life revolve around your kids.  At some point, your children will leave home and you will find yourself sharing an empty house with a total stranger. Make your relationship with your husband a top priority.

4. Not trusting their husband.  Trust can be difficult, but it is necessary.  Without it, you will never feel secure in your marriage.  And, your husband will never feel like he is worthy of your trust.  If trust has been broken by your husband, he will need to earn it back. Allow him to take the necessary steps to restore it.  A marriage without trust is built not on a rock, but on the sand.

5. Not wanting their husband physically.  Physical intimacy is important to a man.  To know that he is desired by his wife makes him feel like he is important.  Your husband wants to be wanted.  Make it a priority in your marriage.

What common mistakes do you make in your marriage?  Please share them with me.

 

Related Resource:

5 Common Mistakes Men Make in Marriage

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • sliner

     time to drop him and move on

  • Andrea Skelly

          I think that the 5 things listed above come naturally as a result of the husband loving the wife as Christ loved the church.  Unfortunately in this society that is not always the case. Priorities are often way off course, pornography is a big issue, and we live in a selfish age. In my first marriage….I began with the attitude of service, I wanted to please, and I diligently tried. Unfortunately, the person I was married to was very abusive both physically and emotionally. I continued to serve thinking my willingness to serve would change his heart, but it never did. The 5 things mentioned above as being mistakes…eventually became coping mechanisms for me to deal with the abuse. I poured my time into my kids to distance myself from the abuse and pain. I lost all respect and trust, and I didn’t want him to touch me sexually because I was disgusted with the way he hurt me when he did.  It took me 9 years to realize that God did not expect me to remain in that and that I did not deserved to be treated that way.
          Fortunately, God gave me a second chance….even when I had no plans on taking one. I have the most amazing husband any woman could ever ask for. He has a strong faith, he adores our children, his priorities are on us. He would never do anything to disrespect me. I love this man with all of my heart and I look forward to every single day that I awake…..excited that God has given me another day to be his wife. He gets my first energy, my affection, my respect….he comes before our children, and I grasp every opportunity to verbally affirm him. We spend so much time pouring our love into each other, there is no time to spend elsewhere.  These 5 things are definitely needed….but a lot of times its next to impossible to accomplish is the leader of the home is not taking his role seriously or showing love to his wife in the way God has laid out for him to. 

  • http://www.MarkMerrill.com/ Mark Merrill

    Andrea, thanks for sharing your pain and and the wonderful hope that you now have. 

  • L WHITE

    Very well stated! Your honesty and willingness to be transparent is appreciated!

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  • Bjornborg4tennis

    Happily? Because doing otherwise or getting a divorce would be a dishonor to God? I agree. I just feel so much anger towards her. And I am so lonely for love.

  • Jennifer DeFusco

    I read that in “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas.

  • Guest

    What do you do when you have no desire for sex? I have had surgically induced menopause, several years ago and am on HRT but since my surgery I have no desire for sex. I’ve talked with my doctor and I cannot increase my HRT medication due to side effects. I feel so guilty not fullfilling my husbands needs of frequency for sex. I often pray for God to help me, even pray while having sex, that God would help me get through it. How sad for my husband. It’s a sacrifical love for me to have sex, an act of obedience…but sometimes I wonder how much longer I can do this. I tell my husband often how much I appreciate him and what a wonderful father he is, etc. We are empty-nesters now. We have been married 25+ years. I love my husband enough to offer to leave him so he could have a more fulling sex life and he said no, that he loves me too. But yet I know he is hurt by my lack of passion in the bedroom….he deserves better. I find myself hoping he would become impotent, how awful of me…but it’s the truth. I know there must be other women who feel the same way.

  • Guest

    When will the stereotype be broken with men need respect women need love? It is way more important to me as a woman to feel respect than loved. When I feel respected I feel loved. Everything written for Christians propagate the myth that women need love and men need respect. I try to look at it this way would my husband feel fulfilled if I unconditionally respected him but didn’t show him outward signs of love? If I didn’t deny him sexually but never made the advance? If I always kissed him back but never kissed him first? So many article are written abut respecting your husband and how to show him respect and so many articles are written about how to show your wife love but never the opposite. I know how to respect my husband. He needs a little help in respecting me. I feel well loved he is always showing me he loves me but does question my decisions and my abilities so he could use a little help in that area.

    Also I am just saying sometimes women have a higher sex drive than their husbands and they are the ones who feel deprived. I would love sex twice a day where he would be satisfied with once a month. Why doesn’t anything written tell him to try to not push me away sexually?

  • May

    What if you are and have “always been” the provider ?
    My husband is almost perfect except for the fact he dosent seem to feel it is necessary for him to provide for the family( me).
    He stays busy doing things around the house and is like my personal assistant.
    I am blessed I have a high paying job but I have difficulty in this area.
    I love my husband more than I can say. Outside of this problem we do quite well.
    Any advise?
    Thank you

  • http://OsiSpeaks.com KYJurisDoctor

    GREAT POINTS RAISED IN THIS PIECE. AND THEY ARE ALL TRUE!

  • sosad

    this is my first time to post. i just don’t have the words to say. i’m just so sad.

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  • shootmyownfood

    Who is this “god” of whom you speak? Some sort of electrician, I presume, as you refer to “wiring.”

  • shootmyownfood

    Why does a husband require “taking care.” Is he not an adult, capable of taking care of himself? Does he reciprocate and “take care” of you? You sound if you are happy to be in servitude. So much for a partnership.

  • shootmyownfood

    What, exactly, is “holy” about a contract? And marriage is indeed a contract, religion or no.

  • Ashley Lewis

    I love this post, this is so true, my husband needs all of the above

  • tws

    Ask Pharoah

  • Chris Barlow

    My Ex made all 5. This is a good summary of why I left.

  • Happily Married-more so daily

    Taking care of means managing the affairs of the home. I don’t dress and bathe him. Did you not read he has always sacrificed himself for his family? He is there for me and our children emotionally, spiritually and physically. The problem of my resentment was I–yes I, I chose to be too busy and then resented him for not being able to pick up on the home front because I chose to do other things. He never asked me to get a job, to work 8-14 hours a day putting my work before my family, He never asked me to be super mom and put the kids activities before all else. He didn’t ask me to teach Sunday School, be in charge of the annual church picnic, or take care of the elderly. He didn’t complain either like I did! A marriage partnership is taking care of each other in love. Giving of yourself to your spouse.

  • Jennifer J

    I have failed in all of these areas as a wife. I have always wanted my husbands intimacy, however I did not feel perfect enough for him. Now he is on his way out. I have tried to make him happy, however I always fall short.

  • SynchItUp

    putting God first~ when we BOTH focus on God, we focus less on each other, each other’s faults, shortcomings, failures~

  • Stevie

    If he has become your personal assistant so to speak, then let him know that you appreciate all that he does. Woman to woman, let him do some of the harder jobs around the house. My husband is disabled, and if I tried to carry everything and do the hard jobs because of his disability, he’d go into a deep depression. Just let your guy be a guy. Even if it means a round of “ground fighting”. Guys love to wrestle with their girls. ;-)

  • Broken Not Hopeless

    The trouble I have, and I don’t find enough information on this, is that my husband doesn’t want me physically. It causes wounds of rejection and self-esteem. There are also times when he goes outside of our bedroom to seek intimacy through pornography, and that is even more painful. I leave these wounds at the Cross, but it happens far too often to receive absolute healing. I do pray for him and our marriage. Where do I find resources about this? Scripture?

  • Grateful

    This is fantastic post. I love your first point about not assuming and asking kindly. Other points are great as well. (I’m a wife)

  • sherri

    My husband always wants attention..He does not care how Iam doing or how my day went or anything I want to talk about..Iam to listen to him and thats it and basically agree with him when I don’t…Im confused..

  • GATORRICK

    YES YES YES YES YES!

  • UNHAPPY

    MY MARRIAGE IS THE WORST! WE HAVE NO INTEREST IN EACH OTHER UNLESS IT IS TO PICK OR ARGUE. IT SUCKS!!!

  • ToHelp

    There are a lot of resources online for dealing with pornography in a Biblical, Christ-honoring manner. I would recommend doing a Google search for things like that, maybe “Christians and pornography”. I’ve heard that it is very, VERY common and typical for a man involved in pornography to not have any desire for his in-the-flesh wife, but with the power of Christ, and your husband’s willingness to seek help for the betterment of your marriage, it can be overcome and your marriage and intimacy can be restored. Praying for that restoration and blessings for you!

  • AloneInTheDesert

    Not all husbands want to be desired. Wish someone should have told me this years ago. I’m crazy about him and tell him every day. Have spent so much money through the years on changing my appearance, books, lingerie, specialty doctors, medications. There’s nothing physically wrong with him. He just has no desire for me and no desire for me to desire him. Wants me to leave him alone. :(

  • leahchristensen

    My husband and I have always felt that if man needed to be the head of woman, woman would have no head on our shoulders. In the areas where he’s strongest he leads, and where I’m strongest, I lead. We compliment each other perfectly, and not in a traditional way.

  • Sunny

    When your husband says ‘it shows weakness’ to be positive, acknowledge my presence (doesn’t take to me for days on end), compliment me or answer ANY question I ask, it is impossible to be intimate. I am on my 4th marriage and totally disgusted.We are both Christians and this is not the way the Bible describes marriage.

  • sydsdad09

    Amen! We havevt had intimacy in 4 years, not by MY choice. Then she has filed for divorce, got the papers today in the mail! I’ve been thru it once and I will not do it again! Goodbye cruel world!

  • Guest

    So, my hubby and I have been married for almost 12 years and have two girls.
    I am by no means the perfect wife and mother and I agree with all 5 things. Here’s my deal: I was on anti-depressants for 10 years and in the beginning of taking them gained over 60 lbs. Partly meds and partly giving into emotional eating. I want to be all in for #5 but my hubby is a stud. :) He is very physically fit and I am on the opposite end of the scale, no pun intended. ;)
    We never talk about our intimacy or the lack of it. I have blamed it on busy schedules, buy I also blame it, honestly mainly, on myself. He’s never been (even before my weight gain) one who wants sex all the time and most times I am thankful :), but now I feel like it’s because of my weight. Any thoughts?

  • United

    You were very busy rearing your children. Why do people assume it is difficult for a husband to cook a meal? What would he do if you were sick and bedridden or if you were out of town? Starve? I think not. Some husbands seem to turn their brain off when they come home. Just step up to the plate fellows.

  • AA

    Some things I have learned across our journey together in our marriage is to never use the words: I’m Fine, Nothing and Whatever. If something he did bothers me or hurts my feelings, I’m honest with him when he asks, and not in a pouty way. I treat him like I’m still his girlfriend and not just his wife, sometimes women forget how to be a girlfriend once they become a wife and mother. I didn’t go into our relationship thinking of the things I would need to change about him to make him “The perfect husband”, if I felt that I had to change him to fit me then I didn’t fit him and didn’t need to be with him and waste his time. Things that need fixing in the house don’t get put on a “Honey do list”, I pick up a hammer and fix it, his days off are just that, he works hard for his family and deserves to use his time off to do what he wants, not what needs to be fixed. If it’s a project that may be over my head then I will has his advice and help. It’s about mutual respect, and as you said trust. My husband told me on our first date that without trust, you have nothing, no foundation to build on. We’ve been given the honor to love each other unconditionally, all his imperfections are what make him perfect.

  • United

    Hmm, you both work and you continue working after your day job by carting the children around to their activities (someone has to do it) …whats the big deal about a husband helping to manage the homefront? It is his home too!

  • heather

    I agree… Is a husbaand not an adult same as wife and can see what needs done… Not as an extra child ???

  • Truecolorlines

    This is a great discussion. I got married a bit late by my standards( 33). Now 4 years later, we are happily married still and have a 3 year old son. Yes, we have been through a lot in 8 years total of being together. Trust and respect is a priority on my agenda. We had to work through a lot of quirks. Not only we are a mixed couple, this is his second marriage, our education is different. But what does matter, that at the end of the day he is my rock, we are each other support system. I love him and he is always my best friend. What helped me is to realize that we are on the same team, there is no competitions here, we are one family. This matters a lot when it comes to raising our child. So yes respect and trust and making him feel like a man. When it comes to sex, of course your heart should stop looking and desire others, that’s how you know he is the one!!! great topic.

  • TryingToTrust

    So what do you do when your husband has broken trust not once but several times and doesn’t ever try to earn it backk? Yet he always complains I don’t trust him and that I am insecure. He doesn’t tell me where he is or who he’s with; he wants to go out and have a good time without telling me and without me at any time. He looks for excuses to get out of the house and stays away for hours yet he gets angry when he finally returns and I’m upset. He wants me to be happy and welcoming and say nothing about everything even his cheating. What do I do then? He blames me for his cheating saying I dont treat him how he deserves to be treated thats why he cheats and when i ask for a seperation he tells me how he loves me and doesnt want to lose me yet in 2 years of marriage he has cheated 5 times to my knowledge not counting all the girls he chats with and is always inviting to hang out which he says ” Is nothing”.

  • cmkd

    As a child of parents who put each other before their children, at all costs, I think some care needs to be taken with the above advice to put your spouse before your children. Yeah sure, the kids will move out, they will move out as soon as possible and not look back. My kids will not know how it feels to “not matter.” (They also do not know what it’s like to have grand parents). My kids are not my only priority but they are definitely worth my love and attention, and protection when applicable. How can you, and why should you put one in front of the other??

  • All Alone

    Interesting
    I can’t seem to figure out my husband. We’ve been married for almost 25 years. Sex isn’t important to him. All he cares about is his cell phone and the TV. We go weeks without any intimacy. I try to talk to him about this and get no where. He tells me to stop ranting, or he promises later we will make love but NEVER do it later. My heart hurts and I feel rejected. I don’t understand God’s plan for us. I just need to trust in Him. In the mean time I’m unhappy and frustrated. I feel like giving up.

  • dave

    Ladies- Please, please, please don’t make us guess what you want. I’ll give an example. My ex wanted me to help pay for an instrument for my daughter (which I was fine with). She had asked how much i would contribute. I said half. She did not like that.I wish she would have just said, “can you pay $100 out of the $150?” Just say what you are wanting ladies!