Legendary NFL quarterback Joe Montana revealed something interesting in a documentary. Talking about his playing days, Montana said he would call his wife during football games from the sidelines just to check in to see how her day was going. He was clearly busy, but not too busy to have his wife’s wellbeing on his mind.
It’s so important to check in with people. Companies conduct annual reviews with employees. Kids get report cards. It’s not a bad idea to do a marriage review either, but you don’t have to wait until the end of the year to work on your relationship. Regularly asking how things are going will show your spouse you care. Here are 5 questions to ask your spouse daily.
1. What made you smile today?
Former Speaker of the House Chris Sprowls visited our office one day and shared his evening routine. He sits around the dinner table with his family every night and asks for their “high-low-funny,” meaning the best, worst, and funniest moments of the day. It’s a way to get to know each other well, and he always starts by finding out the best thing that happened. I think this is a great idea for marriages. It would demonstrate to your spouse that you care about what makes him or her happy. It will draw the two of you closer because sharing joy bonds people together. Find out what makes your spouse smile, and rejoice with him or her.
2. Is anything bothering you?
Have you ever noticed a change in your spouse’s behavior only to find out that something had been bugging him or her for days? Doing a daily dig on his or her emotions helps avoid those moments. Ask what’s going on. Find out what his or her struggles are, and encourage your spouse to share openly without fear of judgment or scorn. You should be each other’s safe place to vent, complain, and work through trials. It starts by asking about the frowns.
3. What, if anything, did I do today that made you feel loved?
During the 2023 season, major leaguers cumulatively swung and missed at nearly 90,000 pitches. Showing love to your spouse can be a lot like trying to hit a baseball. As hard as you try, sometimes you whiff. That’s why it’s important to find out what connects. Ask if what you’re doing is working. Find out what makes your spouse feel seen, cared for, and special. His or her answers will help you start doing more of what works. Put it into practice, and you’ll whiff less often.
4. How can I help you more?
I help with dishes. I clean the pool. I take care of a lot of things around our house. But I can’t fall into the trap of thinking that helping my spouse is limited to those visible, tangible things like folding laundry. Asking how we can help more could lead our spouses to ask us to become better listeners, more emotionally available, or family-minded. Broaden the scope of what it means to be helpful by asking your spouse what he or she really needs.
5. How can I pray for you?
We should set loving God and loving others as our standard for a successful life. There is no greater thing you can do than pray for your spouse. Don’t assume you know what your spouse would like you to pray about. Ask, and offer to do it together. I believe praying leads to happier marriages. It opens lines of communication and demonstrates that we care about every aspect of our spouse’s life.
How often do you sit and ask your spouse important questions like these? Share in a comment.
