When I tell Susan I’m going to change the way I drive, I can envision exactly what that looks like—it’s driving slower and smoother. And I’m fine making that change. The change itself is no big deal to me. It’s easy. But getting there? Well, that’s another story. It’s why so many well-intentioned husbands and wives who promise to change their behavior in their marriage fail.
We may desire the change, but can’t seem to get there. Change can be easy to talk about, desire, and even envision. It’s the transition from point A to point B that trips people up and keeps them from reaching their destination. Transition can be tough. So how can we make the transition process easier so that real change will occur in our relationships? By doing these 3 things.
1. Be intentional.
A few years ago, I noticed how my words were negatively affecting my relationship with Susan. I wanted to change, I decided to change, and I envisioned that change. My words would, from now on, build Susan up. Well, as they say, “Easier said than done.” Saying I was going to change wasn’t enough. Desiring it wasn’t even enough. I had to be intentional and take action. So as a part of the transition process, I had to go back to the basics.
This was as simple as being intentional in saying good morning to Susan when we woke up and saying good night as we fell asleep. I put encouraging sticky notes on her mirror in the morning before I left for work. I also blocked time out in my calendar to spend on her in some way, like texting her some encouraging words. Changing the way I talked to Susan seemed really tough at first, but intentionality during the transition worked. 5 Ways to Filter What You Say and 5 Toxins of the Tongue That Can Poison Your Marriage might help.
2. Be patient.
You may be considering changing the way you communicate with your spouse. But after one day of trying to have a good conversation with him or her, you give up because you get a negative reaction. While strengthening your communication with your spouse is an important goal to have, you must understand that it won’t be perfected overnight. Rather, it takes consistent effort. So be patient during the transition.
3. Be open.
Ask your spouse for feedback on how you’re doing. Does your husband or wife see a difference in your behavior? Then, after you ask, be sure to be open and listen to any constructive feedback your spouse has.
Are you struggling with making a positive change in your relationship? What’s the hardest part of making that change? Share in a comment below.
