#107: 7 Things to Avoid When Fighting with Your Spouse (Podcast)
On today’s podcast, Susan and I are going to be talking about a topic that affects each and every one of us.
Many couples we’ve talked to through the years, especially newlyweds, assume that arguing in marriage is bad, counterproductive, and to be avoided at all costs. In reality, conflict is unavoidable, and how a couple fights during their arguments is actually more important than if a couple fights. We want to discuss some “sucker punches” you must stop throwing when fighting with your spouse. And, don’t hit below the belt.
5 Steps to Fix Your Marriage Problem
Cartoonist Walt Kelly was the creator of the popular Pogo comic strip, but he is best remembered for the slogan he wrote for an anti-pollution poster in 1970: “We have met the enemy and he is us.” This can apply to marriage, too.
When problems come along, we usually focus on our spouse’s part in it all. It’s so much easier to switch the spotlight to them than it is to turn it on ourselves. But chances are you have a part to play in whatever needs attention, and the solution may be in your hands and heart. Here are five steps you can take to fix a problem in your marriage.
6 Things You Must Embrace for a More Intimate Marriage
Over my 30 years of marriage to Susan, I’ve found that there are many things that can push intimacy away from a marriage relationship. Busyness, stress, bitterness and a lack of forgiveness are just a few things that keep closeness from entering the home and the bedroom.
#106: 4 Ways Parents Discourage Their Kids (Podcast)
Over the years, Susan and I have learned that all 5 of our children , now all in their 20s, all need one thing and that’s encouragement. We have good intentions and try to help; and, as parents, we may think we’re encouraging our children, but it can actually feel like criticism to them. Sometimes their every desire is to please us and we, in turn, crush their spirit. Susan and I both have made these mistakes so we want to share those with you.
As you try to help your kids be their best, be sure you’re not actually implementing one of these 4 ways of discouraging your kids.
Dealing with Disappointment in Marriage
Have you ever woken up in the morning from a wonderful dream to the reality of another ho-hum, ordinary day? Disappointment can quickly set in. Marriage can sometimes be like that, too.
In fact, my wife, Susan, and I recently identified disappointment as one of 8 challenges every marriage will face in a heart-to-heart podcast conversation. No marriage is immune.
The simple reality is that the first rush of “love” simply can’t last because it includes a temporary flood of chemicals that is a form of actual intoxication. The second wave of love that follows is richer and deeper. But what do you do when the tide seems to go out, leaving you stranded on the dry sands of disappointment?
Here are five steps to help you find hope for the days ahead when disappointment drowns you and the dream seems to die.
Is Your Marriage Setting a Good Example for Your Kids?
One night after my daughters were arguing, I asked one of them, “Why can’t you and your sister just be nice to each other?” Her response? “Dad, haven’t you ever noticed that when you and Mom get along, we all get along?” Ouch! That hurts; but, she’s right. When my wife and I are short, harsh, and argumentative, our kids are, too. When my wife and I are treating each other with patience, kindness, and respect, our kids seem to get along much better. You’ve probably heard the expression: Children learn more from what’s caught than taught.
It made me think, What are Susan and me modeling to our children? Well, over the years, I do believe we’ve modeled some very good things, but I also know that there have been times when we’ve modeled things I hope they don’t take into their marriages…things like being impatient with one another, being critical and being harsh, just to name a few.
If you want your child to have a thriving marriage one day, you need to think now about the example you are setting for them today in your own marriage because they will take that with them. That means much of your marriage is likely to show up in your child’s future marriage.
Here are some traits in your marriage worth thinking hard about, along with links to some helpful blog posts for further consideration.
#105: 6 Ways to Push Your Spouse Away (Podcast)
It’s so easy to push your spouse away without even realizing it. On several occasions, I’ve pushed Susan away and created a distance between us with my critical and condescending words. And Susan would tell you that she’s pushed me away by texting and posting when I wanted her attention.
So we hope that by listening to these 6 ways to push your spouse away on today’s podcast, you’ll actually learn how to pull your spouse toward you—not push away.
Coming Home Well: How to Avoid Re-Entry Friction
I’ll never forget hearing that the Space Shuttle Columbia had broken up upon its return to Earth, killing all seven gallant crew members. The cause of the crash was traced to a damaged heat shield on the spacecraft that protected it from the enormous friction and the intense temperatures it experienced upon re-entry into our atmosphere.
The 2003 disaster serves as a tragic salute to the courage of men and women willing to dare greatly in life. But it also offers a sobering reminder for the rest of us who may never go into space: sometimes the most dangerous part of a mission is coming home and the friction that occurs.
I’ve heard this from couples who have been separated by short business trips as well as months-long military deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq. The latter was brought home to me when I was invited to speak to the military families at the Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC) at Fort Bragg last fall. While there, I heard how separation and re-entry greatly affect our servicemen and woman and their families.
Two Powerful Words That Can Transform Your Relationship
These two powerful words are among the 8 simple phrases that can change your relationships for the better. They are: Thank you. By expressing our appreciation for others, we do two things: We change our attitude to one of appreciation and gratitude, and we affirm others for the good things that they do. In this way, we help create a positive atmosphere in which goodness can flourish.
The best place to start—and the easiest to overlook—is closest to home. We probably have much to be thankful for about our spouse and our family, if only we would take the time to notice. But you know what they say about familiarity, and it’s true: We can miss what is right in front of us.
So why not take some time to think about all the things you have to thank your family members and others for. Maybe go back over the last week in your mind, review each encounter with them, and look for ways in which they helped or enriched your life in some way. You may be surprised at how long a list you come up with.
