The Husband Code: How to Really Understand What He is Saying

the husband code

In my effort to help husbands and wives better understand and communicate with one another, I’m going to share with you today a secret male code that we men completely understand, but women don’t. This code has been a secret for many, many years, but it’s time to help you with decoding your husband’s words:

1. “What’s wrong?” means “It’s obvious something’s wrong, so please don’t make me guess.

Your husband can’t read minds. So even though you desire for him to always understand why you’re upset, this simply isn’t possible. Instead of making him guess, it’s important to recognize this question as your husband’s desire to know what’s bothering you.

2. “Can we talk about this later?” means “I want to share what’s going on, but I’m distracted right now.

You have something you want to talk to your husband about right now. And when you hear your husband say this, you assume he must not see the issue as important enough to discuss right now. But the truth is there are certain distractions keeping him from giving his best in that moment. It usually means he’s tired, hungry, or preoccupied. So rather than push to talk about it this instant, be sure and give your husband time to get in the right frame of mind to process it.

3. “Let’s move past this” means “We’ve talked about this same issue over and over again, let’s let it go and move forward in our relationship.”

When your husband tells you that he wants to move past something, it means that he wants to stop wallowing in this pit and start fresh. Instead of continuing to rehash the same thing over and over, this is an opportunity for you to move forward toward the goal of a thriving, growing marriage.

4. “I’ve got this” means “Don’t instruct me on how to do it.

Your husband likes to be in charge and figure things out on his own. So when he says he can handle it, the last thing he wants is for you to step in and tell him what to do.  He wants you to trust him to do things the right way, to believe in him, and to support him. So give your husband the freedom to fail or succeed on his own, when it comes to things like figuring out directions, fixing something around the house, or handling a situation with your child.

5. “Sure, that’s fine” means “I really don’t have a strong opinion about it.

A classic example of this is when an engaged couple is making decisions about their wedding. When the man doesn’t give much input about what sort of flowers or centerpieces would be best, the woman might assume he must not care. But you must come to understand (sometimes) your man really doesn’t feel strongly about certain things one way or another. He trusts your ability to make the call.

6. “How are you feeling?” means “I’m trying to show you that I care about you.

I think most of us would agree that women’s emotions are more complicated than those of men. So this question demonstrates your husband’s effort to get on the same page as you. It’s important for you not to mistake this question from your husband as just health-related. Rather, this is a heart-related question that a man asks in order to show he cares.

7. “I just did the dinner dishes. What else can I do to help?” means “I’m trying to help you with things around the house now so that I can be physically intimate with you later.”

This is actually something that Susan decoded a long time ago. It became obvious to her that my real motive was not just to help her. I confess, I was looking for something in return. Now, when I do the dishes, I’ll jokingly say something like, “Hey honey, I’m doing the dishes now!” Then I wink my eye. She laughs. By the way, so you don’t think I do most things with a selfish motive, I often vacuum, do the laundry, and many other things around the house –without any expectation of anything in return.

8. “I just fixed the leaking faucet” means “I’m trying to impress you with my handyman skills and want you to notice.”

We men want to be our wives’ heroes. Because we don’t have a cape and cannot leap tall buildings in a single bound like Superman, we like to build things, make things, repair things, and fix things to impress our wives. When I fix the broken toilet, I really like it when Susan notices and says something like, “Wow, you did that? You are the man!”

While there is so much more to decode, I hope this helps you to better understand your husband. And, by the way, please don’t let him know that you got some of the secret code from me. I don’t want any of my friends to find out that I shared it with any women.

What are some other words husbands use that you can decode for us? Please share your comments below.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.