Validating a child’s identity is essential. Without some sort of validation, many children grow up spending a lifetime searching for their identity. Children burn a lot of energy always trying to prove themselves worthy to their mom or dad. And once children are grown, if they leave the home without feeling validated, they will start searching the world to find acceptance. They will become adults who forever seek attention, affirmation, and acceptance—in all of the wrong places. They will strive to prove their manhood or womanhood to both themselves and others through their sexual encounters, economic success, and other countless dead-end ways.
Your Child’s Identity
Your child’s identity is one, and one thing only—who he or she is as a person. Your child was created exclusively by God and for God. This is their true identity. And God does not create junk. There were no flaws in your child’s design and no errors in their construction. Your child is one-of-a-kind, handmade, custom-designed, and fully loaded by God.
Validating Your Child’s Identity
All of our children need to hear incredible words of affirmation about their identity from us. They need to clearly understand their value. We must love and lead our children by validating them for who they are, masterpieces—unique creations with immeasurable value. They are priceless! How do we do so? We can tell them, as I’ve always done with my children, that I love them “no matter what.” Our children need to know that we love them for who they are, not for what they do or don’t do. We can dislike or be disappointed in something they say or do, but nothing should ever separate them from our love.
For some time after our son Grant came from Russia to be part of our family at the age of nine, he purposefully defied Susan and me, lashing out in anger. He was intentionally trying to push us away. Becoming attached to us only to be abandoned again was a very real and scary thought for him. There were many occasions when I looked him in the eyes and said, “Grant, Mom and I love you no matter what you do or say. We will never leave you or forsake you!” Validate your child’s value with these 3 things your children need from you.
Portions of this blog came from my book All Pro Dad: Seven Essentials to Be a Hero to Your Kids.
How do you validate your child’s identity? Please share your comments.