Today, my wife Susan, director of iMOM, is going to share with us about how we struggle in our marriage. I’m listening carefully. Be sure to check out her new book, The Passionate Mom, and also follow Susan on Twitter.
There is this misconception that I have it made being married to Mr. Family First, Mark Merrill. People love my husband, with good reason. He is all about people and most of all his wife and children. He lives, breathes, and eats family as the founder and president of Family First, author of All Pro Dad, speaker, blogger, and on and on!
However, he is human—a very good sort of human, but human none-the-less. And so I struggle at times to get along with him. I am definitely more human than him, so for every struggle I have listed below I am sure he could list a “counter” struggle that he has with me.
The point of this confession is simply this: in our marriage, like the majority of marriages, we have struggles.
And it is OK.
It doesn’t mean that we made a mistake and married the wrong person. It doesn’t mean that we would be happier with someone else.
What it does mean is that we need to struggle to be better at the relationship that we committed to until death do us part.
So here are some of the ways I struggle with Mark in the hopes that it will encourage you to know that you are not the only one who struggles with their spouse and to persevere in your marriage.
Struggle #1: He doesn’t hear what I say. He listens, but there is a disconnect and somehow what I say turns into something foreign to me in his brain.
Struggle #2: He is a micro-manager. His attention to detail and my lack of it over the years has resulted in his self-appointed promotion to the position of Merrill family micro-manager.
Struggle #3: He is not as much of a disciplinarian. Don’t know how this happened. I am it. Much of the time, I have to handle disciplining our children.
Struggle #4: We work together. This is a really big struggle. It is just tough to keep separate difficulties at home when you are at work and vice-a-versa.
Struggle #5: Concrete vs. Abstract. Mark is concrete. He is adept at reading the situation as it appears, factually. I am more adept at reading in between the lines, seeing the potential of what is behind the facts. Sticky combination for parents. He sees the facts about our children’s behavior. I see the potential implications or motives behind the behavior.
Struggle #6: He is physically on another plane. Yep, his engine is always revved up and ready to go. I confess I am not there physically. I could be happy just snuggling and chatting every night—almost.
Struggle #7: He is not chatty. Did I mention he is concrete? Every discussion must have a point, every problem a solution, every proposed solution a strategic plan. It is exhausting! I just want to chat—to think outside my head and put to rest some wandering of my mind by simply voicing it.
You get the point. Like others, we have struggles, too. But we deeply love each other.
And it is OK,
as long as we keep struggling through it!
What are some of the ways you and your spouse struggle, and how have you worked through them together?