A Letter for Your Future Son-In-Law

hope for the future

There’s a letter you need to be prepping in your mind, no matter how old your daughter is. Whether she is years, months, weeks, or days away from getting married, you are going to want to clearly communicate some key things to the man who will become her husband. And I think a letter is a great way to do it.

I can tell you from my recent experience of giving my daughter, Megan’s, hand in marriage to an awesome young man, Hampton, that the time prior to the wedding you have his attention like no other time in his life. It’s a time to share with him wisdom, encouragement, love, and hope for the future.

My letter to Hampton was for his eyes only, but below is a letter I’ve crafted for you as an example that you can use for ideas. Make it your own. The reason I’m giving this to you is because I recognize how difficult it can be to think through what’s most important to convey. I hope this letter can jumpstart your thinking and your heart as you prepare your letter of hope for your future son-in-law.

Dear ____________,                           

Congratulations! The excitement of life for a young, newly married couple…what can compare with that? I recall how the excitement and discovery of living and loving together makes you feel like your marriage is invincible!

But there are some important things I have to tell you about the years that lie ahead of you and some of it won’t be easy. You will read this and think “Your problems are yours, not mine…that will never happen to us.” But I know, without a doubt, that dark days and bright rays of hope lie ahead of you if you’ll persevere.

You will find through the years that in spite of the challenges that will come, there will be moments of immense contentment and joy, just as you imagine them as a newlywed. 

And you know that whole “the two shall become one flesh” thing? That is God’s doing. Marriage is a holy union, a covenant, between God, you, and your wife—a union established to glorify God. When you become one, you become one spiritually, physically, emotionally, and in every other way. You share in worshipping God; you share your emotions, your hearts, your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams, and you freely share your bodies with one another.

As you grow as one, it is vital for that growth to be grounded on trust. And let me tell you a secret: trust is the key to real, deep and satisfying intimacy.

As we have grown as one in our marriage, we have learned to enjoy the presence of each other– even without words– over the years. Have you ever noticed when you meet a couple that’s been married for years that they start looking similar, can finish each other’s sentences and thoughts, and even know what to order for the other? It’s real and all part of the oneness you will find in each other.

And don’t you love it when you see older couples holding hands and loving on each other?  You can…you will…be that couple, as you persevere and grow older together. But there are days coming that will test your confidence that you can become one of THOSE couples…

When the kids are keeping you up because they’re sick or disobedient…when the toilet is overflowing at 3 a.m., or when the dog makes a mess on your carpet… These are the kinds of days that will annoy you.  When those days come, stick with it and keep striving to love each other well. That’s how you will experience greater oneness in your relationship.

But there will also be darker days than that…days when one of you has serious health issues, when financial challenges are weighing heavily upon you, or when other serious matters seem to be a roadblock for your future relationship. Maybe you’ll even look across the table at each other and wonder “Who are you, and what have you done with the spouse I married?” You will have moments where you think “this is too hard, she is too unreasonable, and our life is too painful.”

Let me tell you something: We’ve walked together through valleys in our marriage and family, including painful times. And each time we had to ask ourselves, “What do I do with this?” The answers weren’t always obvious or easy, but I can say that walking through all that together with God, and with one another, has made our life and marriage sweeter because we persevered through the difficulty and pain. I’m able to see now that sometimes unexpected blessings come from the hard times. The suffering and pain we encountered on our journey have actually made our marriage stronger.

So in your darkest days, remember this:  There is great hope for the future of your marriage. How do I know? How can I be so sure? Because we’ve experienced it in our own marriage. And, more importantly, because God tells us through the prophet Jeremiah (Jeremiah 29:11), “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

May you experience great hope, amazing joy, abundant blessings, and enduring love in your wonderful life together.

Yours Truly,


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