6 D’s That Can Darken a Marriage

potential marriage problems

Sometimes the best way to enrich your marriage is to turn the lights down. You know what I mean; candlelight is so romantic. But there are times when we need to turn the lights up bright and chase away the shadows.

That’s because ugly things can grow in the dark. Take it from me, living in Florida, cockroaches are often a household hazard. They live in the dark but scuttle out of sight when the lights go on. Without that light overcoming the darkness, they are only going to multiply and grow in a home.

Similarly, there are six D’s that can darken your marriage if you do not put a spotlight on them, bring them to light and deal with them.

1. Distraction. This is one of the subtlest dangers because it sneaks up on us.

We’ve got work demands, volunteer opportunities, church commitments, coaching responsibilities and other demands on our time, often “good things.” But the problem is that they can take our eyes off the main things—our focus on God, marriage, and family. Without those as the foundation, everything else will eventually fall apart. We need to remain intentional about what and who comes first, and make sure there is some margin in our lives. Keep these 7 Musts for Your Marriage in mind every day.

2. Disappointment. As I wrote recently, every marriage has times when it’s not all roses.

In every marriage, a husband will disappoint his wife and a wife will disappoint her husband at some point in time. It’s important to remember that all relationships have different seasons, so choose to move towards your spouse rather than let a sense of letdown push you apart. Simply being honest about how you feel is the first major step towards reducing the sense of distance and rekindling your joy.

3. Discontent. It can be healthy to want more from and for your marriage.

That keeps you on your toes and  ready to learn and grow. But it’s a killer if that turns into dissatisfaction with your spouse. Comparing your spouse or marriage to others can breed discontentment. When you start focusing just on the ways they don’t “measure up” to other spouses, discontentment may raise its ugly head. Also, if he or she is only happy when the other acts just the way they want, it’s not love. It’s an attempt at control. If you think your marriage glass is only half full, concentrate on what you can do to fill it up, rather than waiting for your spouse to do it for you.

4. Destruction. Sometimes the heavy assaults can come from outside.

Major physical illness, a difficult relationship at work, or job loss can wreak all kinds of havoc. But damage can come from within the home and relationship, too. Maybe there is destructive physical or emotional abuse. Maybe your financial problems come from spending carelessly, even gambling. Other forms of addiction that can tear couples apart include pornography and alcohol or drugs. And not all storms are so evident. There is also the steady drip-drip effect of destructive thinking and negative words. One friend recently told me how discouraged he was by the way his wife responded to every challenge or disagreement they faced, threatening divorce. Here are 9 Things You Should Never Say to Your Husband and 9 Things You Should Never Say to Your Wife. Consider these 5 Powerful Types of Words for Your Marriage.

5. Distrust. If you find this seed of suspicion growing in either of you, it should be a major red flag that something is going wrong.

Have you allowed so-called “little white lies” to creep into your relationship? Are either of you keeping things from the other or editing the real truth? Being able to trust your spouse is the bedrock of a strong marriage. You can strengthen that foundation by being consistent, by always doing what you say you will, so that your spouse knows your words are trustworthy. Trust is the key to unlocking the door to intimacy in marriage.

6. Deception. Secrets are a breeding ground for dishonesty.

Once you start hiding things, you are heading for disaster because it is all going to come unraveled at some stage. You simply can’t keep a double life hidden forever. Take the husband of a couple we knew who was a counselor, even taught Bible classes in his home. Everything seemed great from the outside. But then it came out that he had a drug problem and was also having an affair. It all fell apart. Deception darkens and destroys relationships. Bring those deeds of darkness into the light so they can be dealt with.

Have you dealt with any of these dark D’s in your marriage? What did you do about it? Are there any of these D’s that you need to bring to light today? Please share your thoughts and experiences in a comment below.

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