5 Unfair Expectations on Your Husband

unfiar expectations

Problems in marriage often start with unreal expectations that husbands and wives have of one another. Unreal expectations become unmet expectations which become unsettling issues in a marriage. [Tweet This]

So here are five expectations that wives need to realize are hurting their husband and their marriage:

1. Expect That He Should “Get You.”

The differences between men and women–how we think and act–are obvious, and even humorous at times. But when a wife expects that her husband should completely understand her, seeing things through her lens and from her perspective, it creates unreal expectations that are impossible for him to fulfill. I remember Susan saying to me when she was frustrated with me, “You just don’t get me!” I wanted to respond, “Oh yes I do.” But instead, I quickly thought about it and responded, “You’re right! I don’t think like you think or feel like you feel. So, please tell me how you’re feeling.” That then opened a further discussion that helped me to better understand how she was feeling.

2. Expect That He Will Never Be Tempted by Other Women.

Men are wired visually. All men are tempted. It’s a fact that makes life difficult for every guy living in this sex-obsessed culture. When a wife expects that he will never be tempted, she is ignoring this fact. On the other hand, it is fair for her to expect that he will resist that temptation. So it’s important for a wife to understand this reality and for her to support her husband in the fight against walking into temptation.

3. Expect That He Will Always Make You Happy.

This expectation often starts in the early years of marriage when you think you and your handsome prince will live happily ever after because he will always make you happy.  But then, the passage of time reveals the gritty truth that a husband will disappoint his wife at some point. So,  if a wife relies completely on her husband to bring her ultimate happiness, marriage problems are bound to occur.

4. Expect That He Can Read Your Mind.

Generally speaking, the way women are wired is a mystery to men…a beautiful, yet challenging mystery! This expectation often shows up during arguments when a wife doesn’t really want to, or doesn’t feel she should have to,  explain what she’s thinking. Ladies, your hints and subtle comments do not help your husband as much as straight talk does. The more you are willing to share what you’re really thinking, the more he will be able to anticipate and understand what you’re thinking down the road. But he’ll never be able to get it right every time.

5. Expect That He Will Have the Same Daily Priorities as You Do.

Many Saturday mornings Susan and I have started the day thinking we were on the same page, only to discover that the plans I had were not the plans she had. I might be thinking, “What a great weekend morning to grab a leisurely cup of coffee with Susan to get the weekend rolling!” while she’s thinking “Mark and I need to get hopping on our project list or we’re never going to get things done!” However that may play out for you, it’s a sure thing that when a wife expects her husband to wake up with her priorities on his mind, she may not be pleased with the result.

So be sure that your expectations of your husband are joined with what’s realistic. And keep communicating and forgiving him along the way. These 8 Expectations for a Great Marriage may help too.

Important note: Ladies, please remember that when I write something for you, most of the time I write another post that addresses the same topic for the men. You’ll see the one for the men in a few days!

What are some of the unreal expectations you’ve had of your spouse, or they’ve had for you, that have created struggles? How have you dealt with them? Please share your comments.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Jen

    He goes to bed without a thought to locked doors or dogs in for the night. I get frustrated that I have to do this on my own. Last night, he decided he won’t go to bed without me so he can help. (Married 30 years)

  • Darrell Ross

    The gender stereotyping here means you leave out any couple that is not heterosexual and has these stereotypes.

    I found the article entertaining but it can apply to any couple. Perhaps naming this “5 Unrealistic Expectations People Have of Their Partners” would be more appropriate.

  • Lisa

    In any relationship especially marriage, you have to take responsibility for your own happiness. That is between God and you. If you are waiting on someone to come along and do that one thing that makes you happy, you will be really disappointed when it never shows up or it does and you are still unhappy. Happiness is a choice. I choose to be happy.

  • Charles

    Appropriate for who? I found the article more than just entertaining but quite insightful and reaffirming. It is appropriate and doesn’t need any alterations.

  • Kim

    Women can be just as easily ‘tempted’ when they don’t have their spirit in check! I really get tired of this issue being excused for men, as if they were ‘made that way’ and can’t help it. Women are just as visual as men. It comes down to choice and self control.

  • Lisa…so true. Thanks for your thoughts.

  • aj

    Its hard when the roles are almost opposite though, the male/female ways of thinking. Just noticing that in my own life.

  • aj

    I agree with you.

  • Kymberly

    So not accurate on many of the points.

    Why in this article do you say he will be tempted and in one of your other articles you say he should only have eyes for you?

  • russ357sq

    There’s that code talk again! What is “spirit in check”?

  • Debbiepski

    Because it’s “every man’s battle” and they have to work to keep their heart pure.

  • Kim

    Romans 8. JMS.1:13-14
    You are led by your desires, if your desires are pure, then you will be led in that direction! Walking after the Spirit, not the flesh.

  • Me

    It’s funny, the woman’s list is a lot harsher than the mans! Never tempted by another woman? If you love your wife, no….no you won’t be. Using the whole “we’re just men and that’s the way it is” crap doesn’t work. It’s a bs excuse.

  • EF

    I think men are not typically tempted to *love* another woman so long as they are mot spending a lot of time with a woman not their wife. I do think they (and we) can be tempted to lust after or be attracted to other beautiful people (and there are many in this world).
    That is why we must be self-controlled and take every thought captive under our authority and not follow what we think is our heart.

  • WSquared

    God is Love, He is the ultimate in happiness– a deep-rooted, profound and quiet joy– and He always shows up. 🙂

    “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you, also.”

  • WSquared

    Temptations aren’t sins. They’re… temptations. Dwelling upon that temptation and essentially feeding on it is sinful. Acting upon that temptation is sinful.

    A man can love his wife and be tempted. But if he truly loves his wife, he will fight that temptation, through persistent prayer, relying upon God’s grace to equip him for battle. Acknowledging that temptation is the first, crucial, humble step. Acknowledging that you need God’s help to battle that temptation is the next one.

  • BJ

    My husband expected me to meet all his needs…wasn’t able to do so…he’s filed for divorce.

  • Hilary

    I’m not currently married, but engaged. I have a disability that causes me severe back pain from time to time, making it nearly impossible for me to function normally. I recently texted my fiancée that I was in such extreme pain that I couldn’t walk, and that I needed to get my medication which was on the floor, but my pain kept me from leaving my bed. He responded with “I’m sorry honey :/”. Eventually I figured out a way to get to the floor and take my meds, but they take awhile to kick in and I was now stuck on the floor. I called him and talked to him about it. I said I could manage it, but that it was very painful and id always had help before when things got this bad. Eventually I told him how challenging I was finding it to respect his freedom to not come help me, even though it did make me upset. He then got extremely angry and said that I was playing mind games and I should’ve said ‘I need you’. My question: is it really unreasonable to expect a loved one to offer assistance when you’ve told them you are immobile? Is it an unfair expectation that they should offer to help without you having to specifically say “help me”?

  • Katie McKinney

    I have found in my marriage that it is much more effective to be direct in asking for help, otherwise he assumes I’m simply sharing my feelings.

  • Unreal

    I call bull.

    I read a lot (and I do mean A LOT) of these articles on what women should do and what makes men happy. I do and have always done most if not all of them. I’ve always been laid back and open minded about a lot of things. Looking at other women? Doesn’t bother me. Porn? Doesn’t bother me as long as it isn’t replacing our sex life. Going out with your friends and having separate interests? Encourage it. Need space? It’s ok, we all do sometimes.

    I’ve never expected a man to be everything to me or read my mind, I won’t bother him while watching the game (cause I’m probably watching it too) and I never have the wildly unrealistic idea that he has to make tons of money but somehow still be home for dinner every night.

    And you know what? It’s gotten me nowhere in relationships . Because men don’t want any of this in reality. It’s cool in the beginning to be with a woman who’s laid back but in the end they walk away. They cannot handle it. For all of their bitching and moaning about how women drive them crazy with their talking, emotional drama and demands, they will never admit they want and need that because it makes them feel needed, important and dominant.

    Just stop lying.

  • Jita

    I had a similar situation with my bf… I implied a question that never got an answer back… and why? I came to realize after a minor texting back and forth discussion, that men need to be TOLD at point blank what is exactly what we need! Short and simple, straight to the core… if not, the “clear messages” we women think are sending to them, will get lost in their brains forever. Is here where our expectation are not met, we get upset/sad bc how come he didn’t get what I told him???? When in reality, in their brain, we never said a thing!

  • southern_getn

    What was his situation at the time of text? Was he sleeping? If so he probably didn’t comprehend the text, it takes a while for the human brain to wake up and comprehend things.

    Texting has destroyed many peoples ability to effectively communicate. Instead of texting you should have called him, make sure you have his undivided attention.

  • k

    I’m 50 years old and my boyfriend is 63 and we have been in a relationship for going on nineYears there are things that I have told him that I did not want to be in a relationship with him if he were going to smoke pot and sell Pot and also he has female friendships outside of a relationship I don’t know how many who they are how involved he is with them but I told him that I did not want that I think it’s disrespectful I don’t run around with men and I don’t appreciate him running around with women He makes himself totally and completely available to them so if they need a ride or they need this or not they need that he’s always there to help him and he’s kept it secretive he’s lied to me about it unless I pin him down and outright ask him about it he wants me to wait on him until he gets makes enough money from selling pot for us to be together when I told him to begin with I didn’t want to be with someone that would sell pot and then there’s the whole women friendship thing I told him I didn’t want to be with a guy that would be like that it doesn’t matter what I say what I want what I need he’s going to do whatever he wants to anyway we can’t talk about it because as soon as I bring it up he starts screaming at me and telling me how crazy I am I’m really sick and tired of the situation and I’ve broken up with him many times and he will not leave me alone I’m sure it’s because I continue to put up with however he wants to treat me and when I get tired of it and mention it then he goes off on me but as long as I’m willing to deal with all that crap then he thinks I’m just great I really love and care about him and I care about what happens to him but this relationship is pushing me over the edge and I really wanted to stop

  • I’m Outtahere

    Have you ever heard the phrase, “If you want to keep getting what you’re getting, keep doing what you’re doing”? He continues to disregard your wishes and lie to you. He’s showing you he has no intention of changing. He screams at you and tells you how crazy you are? It’s all about him, not you.

    1 Corinthians 13:4-7 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

  • MHMC

    Same here. I found myself frequently sacrificing needs and wants to give him what he wanted. Didnt give him any appreciation- he wanted out because he wasnt “happy”. Said he couldnt stand anything about me. Funny how that wasnt his attitude when i helped him roof our house, hand new windows, sheetrock, yardwork- i even proof read his college assignments. But he wanted applause for giving the kids a bath or washing dishes. When i didnt pour on the praise, he would get angry. Telling him “Thank you” was never enough. He wanted me to act like i owed him something for helping out. Love isnt something “owed”. I gave as much love and respect as i could muster, but its not what he wanted.

  • Anon

    Yet another chauvinist telling women to ‘accept your husband is tempted by other women’. Utterly ludicrous. A total copout. As someone said, if you love your wife you shouldn’t be tempted by other women. Simple. These ‘other women’ are generally random strangers.

    Why should husbands be tempted to lust after random strangers?!!

  • Jo

    Yes!! I am just as effected visually. I don’t know if it’s something that just some women also have an issue or just some women willing to admit. All should be on guard against the visual temptation.

  • BryanEW710

    Honestly? I don’t know if it would relieve me or cause me greater worry to know that my wife is tempted visually. She doesn’t really seem to care either way.

  • Brian Bachelder

    Men, mostly, are visual. But I do want to point out here that just because we are tempted doesn’t mean we have to give into that temptation. We’re supposed to take captive all of our thoughts. If you’re in a loving relationship or if you’re married, you can always say to yourself “no man that’s not right don’t look at that” and then not do it.

  • Brian Bachelder

    If he doesn’t have a physical or emotional relationship with any of these other women, then why does it bother you? I can see why it could bother you if he was flirting with them let’s say, or holding hands or kissing them, those types of things. But if he’s just being a good guy to them, I don’t see why you would have an issue with that

  • Brian Bachelder

    Or if he was at work, for example, he may not have just been able to just come home and help out.