Problems in marriage often start with unreal expectations that husbands and wives have of one another. Unreal expectations become unmet expectations which become unsettling issues in a marriage.
Unreal expectations become unmet expectations which become unsettling issues in a marriage.
1. Expect That He Should “Get You.”
The differences between men and women–how we think and act–are obvious, and even humorous at times. But when a wife expects that her husband should completely understand her, seeing things through her lens and from her perspective, it creates unreal expectations that are impossible for him to fulfill. I remember Susan saying to me when she was frustrated with me, “You just don’t get me!” I wanted to respond, “Oh yes I do.” But instead, I quickly thought about it and responded, “You’re right! I don’t think like you think or feel like you feel. So, please tell me how you’re feeling.” That then opened a further discussion that helped me to better understand how she was feeling.
2. Expect That He Will Never Be Tempted by Other Women.
Men are wired visually. All men are tempted. It’s a fact that makes life difficult for every guy living in this sex-obsessed culture. When a wife expects that he will never be tempted, she is ignoring this fact. On the other hand, it is fair for her to expect that he will resist that temptation. So it’s important for a wife to understand this reality and for her to support her husband in the fight against walking into temptation.
3. Expect That He Will Always Make You Happy.
This expectation often starts in the early years of marriage when you think you and your handsome prince will live happily ever after because he will always make you happy. But then, the passage of time reveals the gritty truth that a husband will disappoint his wife at some point. So, if a wife relies completely on her husband to bring her ultimate happiness, marriage problems are bound to occur.
4. Expect That He Can Read Your Mind.
Generally speaking, the way women are wired is a mystery to men…a beautiful, yet challenging mystery! This expectation often shows up during arguments when a wife doesn’t really want to, or doesn’t feel she should have to, explain what she’s thinking. Ladies, your hints and subtle comments do not help your husband as much as straight talk does. The more you are willing to share what you’re really thinking, the more he will be able to anticipate and understand what you’re thinking down the road. But he’ll never be able to get it right every time.
5. Expect That He Will Have the Same Daily Priorities as You Do.
Many Saturday mornings Susan and I have started the day thinking we were on the same page, only to discover that the plans I had were not the plans she had. I might be thinking, “What a great weekend morning to grab a leisurely cup of coffee with Susan to get the weekend rolling!” while she’s thinking “Mark and I need to get hopping on our project list or we’re never going to get things done!” However that may play out for you, it’s a sure thing that when a wife expects her husband to wake up with her priorities on his mind, she may not be pleased with the result.
So be sure that your expectations of your husband are joined with what’s realistic. And keep communicating and forgiving him along the way. These 8 Expectations for a Great Marriage may help too.
Important note: Ladies, please remember that when I write something for you, most of the time I write another post that addresses the same topic for the men. You’ll see the one for the men in a few days!
What are some of the unreal expectations you’ve had of your spouse, or they’ve had for you, that have created struggles? How have you dealt with them? Please share your comments.