5 Things Wives Wish Husbands Knew

5 Things Wives Wish Husbands Knew


I recently wrote a post called 5 Things Husbands Wish Wives Knew.  Today I want to cover the wives’ perspective—what wives wish their husbands knew.

In writing this post, I had to get some wise counsel from my wife, Susan, and several other ladies on our Family First team to ensure that I was representing the girls well. Here are 5 things wives wish husbands knew:

1. Wives desire appreciation. Sometimes, it seems like wives are the hardest working people on the planet. But do we tell them? I addressed this in my blog, 10 Things Wives Want to Hear from Their Husbands.  It is our privilege to be the recipient of much of their work and it is our  job to thank  them for all the things they do—whether it’s making dinner, cleaning the house, or working hard to support our family. Expressing your appreciation will encourage and motivate her in a big way.  Bottom line: don’t ever take her for granted. Be her biggest fan!

2. Wives desire attention. When you get home from a long day at work, don’t always go straight for the TV or your phone. Ask your wife about her day working and then tell her what your day was like. Listen with empathy and don’t make light of what she’s saying. The first ten minutes when you walk in the door sets the tone for the evening. By giving her your full attention, it shows that you truly respect and care for her.

3. Wives desire affection. All women crave affection, no matter how long they’ve been married.  They want to hold your hand, to be told they’re beautiful, and to be kissed tenderly. My wife has flat out asked me to be gentle. My bear hug only works occasionally. She wants tender affection. Because ultimately, physical affection reinforces that you’re still in love with her even after years of marriage together.

4. Wives desire patience. After getting input from some of the married ladies in the office in writing this blog, I found out that I am not the only husband that struggles with being impatient. Over the years, I’ve been learning How to Practice Patience and will continue to work on this virtue for the rest of my life. Men, I encourage you to talk calmly and patiently through issues with our wife. If you don’t, you will be in constant conflict; or worse, she may even shut down. When a disagreement escalates, you may want to agree to reconvene later after you both cool off. If your lack of patience is turning into anger, you may want to read 3 Ways to Get to the Root of Anger.

5. Wives desire friendship. Your wife desires a companion—someone to turn to when frustrating circumstances arise at work or when the kids are out of control. It’s important to be a man who will listen to her share her difficulties and then comfort and help see her through the trials. By the way, friendship goes both ways. Your wife also wants you to trust her with your thoughts, feelings, and challenges in life.

Ladies, is there anything I have left off the list? Feel free to share any other things wives wish their husbands knew in a comment below.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Alicia

    My husband does me good on all of the above:-)
    We’re truly blessed <3

  • Dayna

    Sometimes with the affection it would be nice to JUST hold hands or cuddle without there being an expectation of things going further.

  • Lisa Coverdale

    It would be nice if my husband supported me in my education, career efforts and with my personal goals. He has become quite negative and just doesn’t care to communicate any longer.

  • southern_getn

    Maybe he feels like that he has taken back seat to your personal goals. Husbands want a wife who desires them above all. Something similar to your situation happened to me and my wife when I was in Culinary School.

    I just wasn’t giving my wife or our daughter any attention at all. I became a stranger to them. In the end I had to step back and focus on behind a leader and father. It’s sounds unfair that I had to place my dream of being a Chef on hiatus, but it was even more unfair tom my wife and daughter that In wasn’t fulfilling my calling and duty has a husband and father.

    I wish you guys the best and pray that things work out.

  • Rebecca

    Wives desire help with the domestic housework, especially if you both work full time. Take a look at what needs to be done on a daily and weekly basis and then split up the list. Cooking and cleaning are not automatically “woman’s work.” If a wife is lucky enough to be a full time wife and mother, then yes, she may do more of the housework. However, guys, you still need to help out here and there to show your appreciation for all the domestic chores that she does on behalf of the family. Pick a couple of things to take off her plate. Even if it is something simple like making the bed, I promise that she will notice and appreciate it!

  • Alicia, good to hear! Maybe you should tell him that!

  • Dayna, that is a good thing sometimes.

  • Lisa, you mentioned “My” several times. Would it help if he felt a part of your plan? You could also ask him about his dreams and his goals. In other words, make it about “us.”

  • Rebecca, good thoughts. I often vacuum, do laundry, cook and do the dishes. I’m learning that’s just a part of working together as a team.

  • Lisa Coverdale

    He has no goals or motivation. He has gained over 200 pounds in 22 years of marriage and drinks away his concerns. He now has social anxiety and has quit taking all of his meds. He will not talk to me – does not want to go to any type of counseling or AA. He is not being the role model for our children that he should be. How do I get him to open up?

  • Lisa Coverdale

    I am the breadwinner of the house. He has no desire to improve himself. We need marital counseling but he doesn’t believe we do. He should consider AA too. The kids and I have been going to Alateen. He will not try to communicate with me or the kids and is refusing all medical treatment.

  • southern_getn

    I’m sorry to hear this, sounds like he needs a lot of prayers.

    Yes I agree marital counseling is a terrific idea along with AA. Kudos for you staying strong and keeping up the good fight. I;m so sorry you and your children are going through this.

    Prayers and hugs.

  • Lisa Coverdale


  • Tricia

    Make your wife one of the top 5 priorities in your life with Christ always being number 1. Her priority position may change during the years due to kids, work, older parents etc. but she will know she is loved. Wives should do the same!!!!

  • Tricia, good thought. Thanks. for sharing.

  • PLC3

    Hugs…. Cuddling…. Physical affection!

  • LM

    tender wispers, hugs, kisses, without having those affections leading to sex. Because that becomes about them and not the wifes feelings anymore.

  • OneofTwelve

    Say, “I love you!”

  • Moreover, wives wish that their husbands to correct them in love when they make mistakes rather than barking at them or using harsh words.

  • Wifeandmom

    As a Christian wife, one of my biggest desires is for my husband to lead the family especially spiritually. I have a great pride in my man in instances when he steps up or steps in to lead. I have such respect for his abilities to lead at work, but also would feel so loved if he took the time to cast vision and set goals for our family like he does at work.

  • Harmony

    I hope you can pass along this simple plan for husbands’ leadership.It took us years to find it and I wish it was taught to our young men. Rather than the wife “nagging” the husband to talk, the husband is in charge of initiating the questions…How do you think our relationship is going? How do you feel about our our sexual relationship? How are we doing financially?… With our parenting?… With our spiritual life?, etc. Then they make a plan to work together to address the needs, delineating the responsibilities. You could take one topic a week on a rotating basis. It’s the husbands role to to follow up and keep initiating the follow up questions. It won’t work perfectly, but it gives a non threatening pattern to follow.

  • Margin

    I never feel like baking if the kitchen is a mess. I feel the same way about lovemaking…everyone pitching in to keep the house orderly promotes energy and a free spirit!

  • Blackie


  • JA

    I don’t think my wife desires affection at all. She lets me know affection and sex are waste of time and she is so busy worrying about more important stuff like our home and your child. It deeply grieves me.

  • JA, have you talked to her about this and how deeply it grieves you. Communicating these thoughts are an integral part of your partnership.

  • April Dawson

    My husband needs to understand that no matter how many times he says it is just fun to comment on another womans body but I’m his wife and he means nothing by it it is still hurtful to me. I just had our son two weels ago and it makes me feel inadequate.

  • Niklynn1216

    An apology and acknowledgment that he is wrong sometimes too-and not everything is my fault 100% of the time.

  • Be Honest with him April. He needs to know how much it is affecting you.

  • Good point Niklynn.

  • Brian Bachelder

    I think she should always be #2 behind God no matter what.

  • Brian Bachelder

    For sure! No one person is always the one who is wrong.