There are 5 things that men must know about women. Women desire to “feel” these things, not just know them logically. In her book, For Men Only, author Shaunti Feldhahn goes into great depth addressing these five, and a few others men need to know.
Men must know that:
1. Women want to feel loved. Many women feel insecure about our love for them. There are two things we men can do about it. First, reassure her. In times of conflict with our wives, we should tell them we love them no matter what and that everything will be okay—“I love you. We’ll get through this.” When she’s upset, she doesn’t need space,” she needs a hug and to be held. Second, pursue her. Women need to be pursued throughout the relationship, just as we pursued them before we got married.
2. Women want to feel understood. Women need us to understand how they think and feel, even though that is virtually impossible. It would help us to understand that most women’s thought lives are like computers, with multiple windows open and processing all at once. Unlike men who can only process one thing at a time, women are constantly juggling multiple thoughts and emotions all at the same time. On more than one occasion, I’ve watch my wife, daughters and their friends having a conversation where three of them were talking at once about three different things. And guess what, they all understood each other! So, hopefully, if we can generally understand how women think, we might be better able to understand how they feel.
3. Women want to feel emotionally secure. Women want security. Yes, financial security is important, but it comes second to emotional security. Women do think about the house, bills and tuition, but feeling emotionally connected and close to us; and knowing we are there for her, no matter what, is what really matters.
4. Women want to feel listened to. Men, she doesn’t want us to fix it, she just wants us to listen. She doesn’t want or need our solution to the problem, even if she asked for our opinion. She does want us to understand how she’s feeling about the problem and identify with her in that feeling—“Thanks for sharing that with me.” or “I’m so sorry that happened.” might be good words to consider saying to her.
5. Women want to feel beautiful. She needs to know, deep within, that we find her beautiful and that we only have eyes for her. She doesn’t just want to know, “Am I beautiful?” but, “Am I beautiful to him?” There may be many mirrors in your home, but the mirror that means most to your wife is you.