So in my last blog, 5 Secrets You Must Know About Your Husband (Part 1), I talked to the ladies in particular about how you may have a better idea of how to respond to your husband if you know his “secrets.” So here are 5 secrets you must know about your husband (Part 2).
3. He needs to live a life of significance.
“Every man dies. Not every man really lives.” –William Wallace, from the movie Braveheart
Men are born with an innate desire to provide for and protect their families. They want to love and be loved. They also desire to live for a cause beyond themselves. That’s when they really feel alive—when they are pursuing something of significance. But when men are not pursuing something that really matters for the long haul, they may pursue personal fame, fortune, power, or pleasure to fill that desire. That emptiness or lack of meaning in life might even lead to some addictions like alcohol, drugs, or pornography.
A wife can play an integral role and even join her husband on that journey. He needs you with him. He wants an adventurous wife who will dream with him and encourage him to pursue his dream. This doesn’t mean that the dream has to be a change in his vocation or a full-time vocation. One of the most significant things he can do is to be adventurous in serving others with his family. Here are 5 places you and your kids can serve others. It could also be serving in some way in church or in a nonprofit organization. You should also know that this doesn’t mean that you should encourage him to do something crazy; it just means that you join him in his dreaming and big thinking. A wife might say, “I’ve got two kids at home, and we’ve both been working hard and have a lot of responsibilities and bills to pay. I don’t have time for silly dreams.” Dreaming with him is important, even if it is a dream that will need to be delayed or never becomes reality.
4. He is visually tempted often.
Yes. Both men and women are tempted in many ways. Men are especially tempted visually, and our sex-crazed culture and porn-flooded Internet is only adding fuel to that fire.
It is very, very important for a wife to understand this visual temptation that most men are subject to. Every day some form of a sexual image is thrust in his face…an image on a billboard, website, ad, movie or television show. Of course, it is ultimately his responsibility to resist and even flee from that temptation, but you can play a part. First, do your best to ensure that you are giving of yourself physically to your husband. And, yes, he must do the same. You may want to listen to my What To Do When You’re Not in the Mood podcast.
Second, encourage your husband to be “open for inspection” at any time and at any place. For example, my wife, Susan, knows my computer password and can access it anytime to see what I am reading and looking at. She can also see my calendar at any time. Susan can also pick up my smartphone anytime to read my texts and emails and check out what kind of music I’m listening to.
This podcast with Every Man’s Battle author and counselor Steve Arterburn will help you better understand your husband’s world as well. Reading and reflecting on these 10 ways to affair-proof your marriage will remind you that you can help ensure he has eyes only for you.
5. He wants you to adore him.
He wants to experience your adoration. He wants your gazing eyes to glisten with excitement when you look at him. He wants you to be oozing with excitement when you see him. His ears are itching for your words of affirmation. (I know, I’m going a bit overboard on what he should expect. But that’s really what we men want). Here are a few ways to adore your husband taken from Susan’s 7 Ways to Adore Your Husband.
- Adore him publicly. It may be a long time since you were both in high school, but he wants you still to be his cheerleader. In other words, raising your voice about him to others is a way to let him know he stands out from the crowd for you. He turns your head. Think about bragging on him to others if you want to learn how to treat your husband like a man.
- Adore him physically. Men want to be wanted. Sure, we all know that men want sex, but men also want to be wanted. Sex with an emotionally uninvolved or reluctant wife who only accommodates her husband to keep him “satisfied” is not enough. A man wants to know that his wife wants and desires him. Having this kind of mutually enjoyable sex life is not only physically satisfying to your man but also emotionally fulfilling to him. When a man knows he is wanted in this way, it’s like his wife saying to him, “You are more important to me than anything in the world.” This confidence building in the marriage relationship also spills over to a confident man in other areas of life.
- Adore him for what he does. Take notice of what he does and make it a big deal. Tell him and be specific: “You are such a great dad; our kids just love you.” “You did an awesome job fixing the garage door.”
- Adore him by putting him first. You can’t tell your 3-year-old to wait while you give your husband a back massage. But you can find creative ways to carve out time for him.
Which of these of secrets about your husband did you already know and how have you been handling them? What might you change? Which secrets were new to you, and how do you think you might respond? Share your thoughts below.