Have you ever wounded your spouse with words that slipped out during an argument? Maybe you meant to diffuse the fight with humor, but instead, you used sarcasm that stung your wife. Or perhaps you hoped what you said would appease an angry husband but it only upset him more. Today’s post, used with permission from iMOM, provides a solid plan for responding when your husband is angry (but husbands, these points apply when wives are angry, too):
A good friend of mine is married to a man with a quick temper. She describes her husband like this: “If I say something he disagrees with, or if I broach a subject he doesn’t want to talk about, he immediately loses it.” She says there’s no back and forth discussion because he moves so quickly from listening mode to angry husband attack mode. Even if your husband is usually a reasonable guy, it’s still good to have an idea of how to handle the situation when he gets angry. Here are 4 options for how to deal with an angry husband.
1. Stay calm.
As much as you might want to let your anger match his, hold back. Refuse to escalate. If you can stay calm during an argument, you’ll think more clearly.
2. See his point of view.
What’s the reason behind your husband’s anger? Did he have an awful day at work? Is he tired? Is he worried about finances? The cause of his anger never excuses an inappropriate expression of his anger, but figuring out his trigger will help you talk about his issues at some point and, hopefully, help him to deal with the problem instead of covering it up with anger. Here’s some help if you’re dealing with a husband who tends to be depressed.
3. Don’t scold him.
You might want to talk him down by saying things like, “Calm down.” But if you want to help him work through his anger, say, “OK, you seem upset. What’s really the problem?” Finding out what’s happening in an angry loved one’s head and heart is more effective than scolding an angry loved one.
4. Insist on respect.
We have all said things we regret when we’re angry. So if your husband says something inappropriate or hurtful, and he realizes that what he has done is wrong and apologizes, that’s good. Even then, though, it’s OK to say, “I appreciate your apology. I understand that you were angry when you said that, but it did hurt my feelings.”
If your husband is angry and begins berating you verbally, calmly say, “I know you’re angry and I want to hear what you’re saying, but I’m going to step away until you can talk to me respectfully.” Finally, if your spouse’s anger ever turns abusive, you need to get help immediately.
How do you handle things when your spouse becomes angry?