10 Ways to Push Your Spouse Away

push your spouse away

It’s so easy to push your spouse away. And you can do so without even realizing it.

On several occasions, I’ve pushed my wife, Susan, away and created a distance between us with my critical and condescending words. And Susan would tell you that she’s pushed me away by texting and posting when I wanted her attention.

I originally wrote this post a few years ago. It was so popular with married couples that I decided to update it and share it with you once again. I hope that by reading these 10 Ways to Push Your Spouse Away, you’ll actually learn how to pull your spouse toward you.

1. Computer Time
Posting, commenting, shopping, gaming, chatting, emailing, downloading, blogging, reading, researching—there are a ton of things to do on the computer. Much of it is good, but too much of a good thing can be bad sometimes, especially when it takes priority over spending time with your spouse.

2. TV

For many, watching television is their “default mode.” Grabbing the remote is almost habitual. Television is one of the greatest time bandits there is—it steals valuable time from you and your spouse and adds little or nothing to your relationship. Sure, sit down and watch your favorite family show together every week, but then turn off the tube. Better yet, agree with your spouse to keep the television off for one week and spend that time together instead. It may just transform your marriage.

3. Phone Conversations and Texting

Cell phones allow us to get a lot of work done during our commute to and from work, driving to and from meetings, waiting for appointments and on trips. There is a time and place for everything, however. There are also times and places when we should unglue the phone from our ear and our fingers. Meal time with the family, couch time with your husband, and date nights with your wife are all great opportunities to give the one you love one of the greatest gift you have—your undivided time.

4. Hyper-scheduling

“I’m really busy right now.” Most of us have probably said those words recently. It’s probably true. Our calendars are simply filled to the brim. Sure, there are probably some things on your schedule that you really can’t practically control, but there are many things that you can control. Remember this: Your busy schedule plus your spouse’s busy schedule equals missed opportunities to enjoy life and each other. [Tweet This] So start saying “no” to more things outside the home and saying “yes” to more things inside. Set a date night each week with your spouse to spend one-on-one time together.

5. Quiet-less House

Noise can be a distraction to intimacy in relationships. The phone ringing, the television talking, video games blasting, and the iPod playing can all create unrest in a home. It’s so important to make your home a haven and a place of peace for you and your spouse. So make sure that there are curfews on electronics in your home, not only for your kids but for you and your spouse as well.

6. Idols

Cleaning the house, working, watching sports, eating or even exercising are all good things. If, however, they become idols in your life, your relationship with your spouse may very well suffer. Make sure your relationship with your spouse is a top priority.

7. The Tongue

The tongue can praise and the tongue can put down. Too often, couples use this small part of the body as a weapon that emotionally wounds and, sometimes, scars for life. Decide today to use your tongue for healing, not to hurt. [Tweet This]

8. The Body

When you and your spouse got married, you became “one flesh.” You were designed to enjoy one another emotionally and physically. Sexual intimacy is a wonderful gift and should not be withheld as punishment or used to manipulate your spouse.

9. Finances

57% of couples cite money issues as the number one reason behind their divorce. Unbridled spending and debt can cause huge problems in a marriage. Start a budget. Don’t spend more than you’ve got.

10. Keeping a List

Do you keep a constant running tab in your mind of how your spouse has hurt you and failed you? It’s hard to let the hurts go.  If not dealt with, that list of wrongs will eventually become a list of resentments moving then to bitterness and then to anger. Seek forgiveness and grant forgiveness to your spouse.

In what ways are you pushing your spouse away? What steps are you taking to change? Please share your comment below.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Drowning surfer

    Most of these have been issues in my home. Not always, but sort of in waves. Today happens to be about five days into one of those waves. I don’t know how to move past it, since any “invitation” from me for us to not do these things will probably seem like more “preaching” to him. Please pray for us.

  • http://www.MarkMerrill.com/ Mark Merrill

    Praying for you. Ask him to do something together just the two of you and go from there.

  • MarsBackpacker

    I would add “Indifference” as well. It is what I deal with my spouse sadly. Many years ago she told me, “I love you, but I’m not ‘in’ love with you.” It has been a long journey for me and honestly I am grateful to my wife in the sense that those words brought me much closer to God and a deeper faith. For that I am tremendously grateful. However over the years since those words, she has done nothing to help our marriage. If she has free time after anything with the kids, it’s HGTV or on a computer. I have desparately tried to lead my wife gently and lovingly to no avail. Her ‘laissez-faire” attitude toward our marriage has taken it’s toll on me, and as much as I try to counteract it, with our children.

  • Grandma of 7

    Ouch!! Sometimes my husband and I are both on our laptops and I end up messaging him to see what he’s thinking!!

  • Sabrina

    What does he like to do that’s not in front of a screen?

  • MHMC

    Im in the same situation. Except my husband is the one who said he doesnt love me. It has brought me closer to God, and driven me to my knees in desperate prayer, but there is nothing im able to do to change his attitude toward me. Im ashamed of myself, and the fact that my own husband can dislike his own wife this much. I just have no understanding of how that even happens. I love h imx always have, always will, but I have to learn to live with the fact that he does not love me. Its beyond painful.

  • MarsBackpacker

    Please do not be ashamed of yourself. This is not your fault. I understand the feelings you’re experiencing. Don’t beat yourself up over your spouse’s rejection. This is his free will decision. I will offer prayers of strength and perseverance for you and for your husband not to harden his heart toward you and God’s will.

  • MHMC

    Thank you.

  • Karl

    My wife separation is hard she left me 20 days ago I keep texting call daily and I keep saying I love you daily. Can I get sume advice

  • http://www.MarkMerrill.com/ Mark Merrill

    Karl, I am so sorry to hear of the pain you are going through at this time. The key to making the best decision for your life is in knowing Jesus – that relationship is a life foundation you can depend on. Pray, trust and love. I will be praying for you as well.