What to Do When You Are Lonely in Marriage

lonely in marriage

As humans, we are not meant to be isolated. We all crave deep and lasting connections with other people. But we know it’s possible to feel alone in the middle of a crowd, and it’s possible to sleep in the same bed with someone for years and still feel lonely. Many of us never expect to be lonely in marriage, hoping that our spouse will be the lifelong companion who saves us from loneliness. Over time, however, couples can gradually disconnect from one another and find themselves feeling isolated and withdrawn.

Loneliness is not just about physical proximity, it’s about emotional connection. FamilyLife’s Dr. Dennis Rainey and his wife, Barbara, explain, “You may have sex, but you don’t have love. You may talk, but you don’t communicate. You live together, but you don’t share life.” If you’re feeling lonely in your marriage, here are some ways to reconnect with your spouse:

Make the first move. Feelings of loneliness are seldom felt by only one person in a relationship. If you’re feeling isolated, chances are your spouse is, too. Take the first step to reconnecting with them, even if it’s just a small gesture. Open up to them about how you feel and give them an opportunity to do the same. Healing cannot begin if you hide or mask your pain.

Forgive past hurts. Especially if you have been feeling alone for a long time, hurts have likely been building up in your marriage. Nothing breeds loneliness more than unforgiven hurt and conflict. If you have been wronged, make the decision to forgive your spouse. And if you have wounded them, seek their forgiveness immediately.

Spend time together. This seems like a no-brainer, but sometimes couples get so busy or caught up in their individual lives that they neglect to simply spend time together. The less time a couple spends together, the more likely they are to feel distant from each other. This can be resolved by deliberately scheduling date nights in, date nights out, TV-free nights, and occasional weekend getaways—just for the two of you.

Make your time count. The quantity of time together is important, but so is the quality of that time. Couples have to be intentional about their time together to create a marital connection. When you and your spouse are talking, put down your cell phone, set aside distractions, and focus on each other. Find ways to bond over shared experiences: taking a walk, cooking dinner, going to a concert or sporting event, or playing a board game or cards together. Encourage and compliment your spouse. Make your moments together count.

Prioritize physical closeness. This is not just referring to sexual intimacy, though that is certainly an important part of marital closeness, but also to the little things that may have fallen by the wayside like holding hands or snuggling on the couch. The key to resurrecting physical touch is to start small. Sit close to each other, give neck massages, and pull out a surprise kiss. Getting closer physically will naturally lead to feeling closer emotionally.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. While the idea of seeking outside input on your marriage can be intimidating to many people, nearly every couple can benefit from marriage counseling. Getting an outside perspective can be extremely helpful to you and your spouse. Read my post to help determine if you should get counseling, and find tips to make sure you find the best counselor for you.

You may feel lonely in your marriage, but you are not alone in the struggle for marital intimacy. We have all experienced loneliness in our lives, but you don’t have to feel it in your marriage.

Have you ever felt lonely in your marriage? How have you responded to these feelings, and what have you done to reconnect with your spouse? Please share your story below.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • madeleine

    We had been married for 10 yrs…but I was so lonely–laying in bed next to my husband, I felt like I was miles away from him. I felt like I’d lost my best friend and he was replaced by a robot. talking about it did not seem to help–so I prayed and thought about what is love….then I decided to be loving even if I did not feel it….and I continued to pray asking God to fix us…and He did—some yrs later, we learned about The World wide Marriage Encounter Weekend and went—–we learned how to share our hearts with each other and that love is a decision to do what is caring and good for each other. We learned how to pray together and stay together!! That was almost 30 years ago and our love has grown better than ever and I never feel lonely any more!! Thanks be to God!!

  • What an amazing testimony. Thank you for sharing Madeleine!

  • worthless

    So here is my story. My husband is an otr truck driver, gone Sunday thru Friday, only home Friday evening to Sunday afternoon or sometimes Sunday evening. He likes to work on his mud truck every waking moment he is home and the bad part is we don’t havea big garage so it’s at his buddies house, so also works with him so this is my weekend schedule to see him.

    Friday when I pick him up
    Friday night when he comes home from working on truck
    Saturday in the morning for maybe an hour before he goes to work on truck, sometimes he just wakes me up and tells me he is leaving to work on it
    Saturday night when he gets home from working on truck
    Sunday til he goes to work, and then he is usually watching tv before he goes to work.

    Now when I say Friday and Saturday night I mean 10 pm to sometimes 1 am Saturday morning.
    I am so lonely, not like go find someone else lonely but want my husband to spend time with me lonely. I have mentioned to him I don’t like him gone all the time and I get “I’m in a truck all week I have to have a hobby” Saying it with a bit of pissy tone. I could go with him and sit and do nothing but I have a 13 yr old at home and refuse to make her go sit and be board also. He likes me to go to the mud runs, which I do go to most just so I can see him but I feel I don’t matter to him anymore, it hurts, I cry, I wonder if he really loves me anymore, it’s hard to stay strong but I have to because of my daughter, which also don’t like him gone all the time, she asks me “why don’t dad like to be home with us?” It breaks my heart but I tell her “her just likes to work on cars” then when she goes in her room I go in mine and break down and cry. I know I’m not the most beautiful woman in the world but I’m not ugly either, I look the same now as I did the day we got married 7 yrs ago. He comes home wants sex and I truly feel like that’s all I’m worth to him.
    Well anyways thank you for listening.

  • Lonely Husband

    My wife couldn’t care less about me. She has no interest in me or anything I do. She constantly has her face buried on Facebook and on her phone. I’m pretty sure she’s emotionally cheating on me. Meaning she’s checking out other guys profiles and she always hides her phone screen from me when she’s on Facebook. I feel like I’m being too paranoid but I can’t help but feel this way. If I try and bring it up, she says, “Oh whatever”, and dismisses my feelings. I wake up with a knot in my stomach because I know the next day is going to be the same. I’ll wake up and lay there and she’ll be on her phone, I’ll start getting up and she shuts it off and acts like she’s sleeping or just sit there and act like she’s not doing anything. I feel dead inside but can’t help but still be in love with her. She’s the mother of my 3 kids. What do I do? Confronting her is pretty much useless.

  • Shawn Salvato

    If she is hiding her phone from you then their is probably a problem. Try taking her back to where you first met or kissed and try to rekindle what she once felt. Sometimes with kids and careers you lose that emotional and sexual attraction you once had. Sometimes going back to that one special spot and respark what you guys once had. She herself might have felt alone n neglected and just found someone nice to talk to. Most women love to feel wanted mentally and physically. If she changes something about herself notice it and tell her how good she looks. It’s always the little things that matter..Hope it works out for you guys!

  • Lonely Husband

    She has no romantic bone in her body. I appreciate the input though. I always tell her how beautiful she is and always tell her I love her. I’m always trying to be affectionate but there is no positive reactions. Always just sits there and pulls away. I also notice, she avoids taking pictures with me. It’s all just snowballing

  • Miserably Married

    I wish someone had told me that sex is the ONLY thing that makes a marriage work! I’m miserably married to a man who feels that’s all marriage is! I HATE having sex with him! The more he bullies me about sex, the more I hate it, and the more time we go without it. Help!!! Why must I “make his day” sexually while I stay miserable?

  • Broken Angel

    Every women has a romantic side to them..just like every man likes to be pampered and touched. Your relationship was exactly like mine except I tried talking to him for over 3 yrs on why their was no affection in anyway coming from him. I literally makes you doubt yourself and brought me into a depressed state. The kids will start to notice the distant reactions from the two of you as much as you try to cover it. Everyone says to talk to a relationship therapist but honestly if she’s not wanting and willing it won’t work and sometimes makes it worse. What helped me was letting go little by little and talking w my friends and family again. Just stay positive and try to make it work..but if the kids start noticing things are different and it starts affecting them..My advice would be to do what’s best for them..I’m srry for everything your going threw and wish you guys the best!

  • Mamamia

    My husband told me after I discovered his secret life with the OW and the two children they had that I “don’t know him”

    This is not for lack of trying he spent the most of our 35 years together shutting me out

    I was taught it to nag or pry and this was useful to him in creating his private separate life with his career as the sheild

    Many times the way I learned about what was his life and thinking was in the rare times Iwas included at a work event where a wife was a handy prop for his identity as a “good family man” which I was always prone to speak well of him

    I would overhear someone ask him about sometime and he would freely speak of plans I had not heard of!

    Imagine my hurt to learn he never planned to retire when we could never have that discussion at home

    It turns out that my thoughts that we could finally have a closer relationship eventually was only my dream he had knowledge of but didn’t want to share that knowledge with me

    He now lives alone ,,..bought a dog to replace me and all of he OW he had and the children he had in our marriage and out!

    He has retreated more and more into his own selfish plans All his success is now paycheck to paycheck

    Millions earned and lost since he knows better than God and anyone what he wants and needs no matter the cost to anyone

    It’s everyone else’s problem how he has hurt and used people

    He has become a really skilled liar

    The book of proverbs is his life story and yet he is stubborn and Unreachable

    I pray and thank the Lord daily for healing for us all

    For my husband to be redeemed and our marriage to be restored

    In the meantime I continue with continuing in His word “then you will be my deciples indeed”

  • Mamamia

    Being meek to hear the Lords word certainly is effective
    Hardened hearts need t

  • KG

    You don’t have to stay. He has divorced you already… And he is not pleasing God in the manner of having you around just for his pleasure.

    May I suggest a book for you? Leslie Vernick wrote “the Emotionally Destructive Marriage” (and one on relationships in general). it helped me articulate what I had not been able to put my finger on…

    As a result of so many marriages falling apart bc of various abuses and neglect, our church is starting a ministry in response to domestic violence (this includes emotional/verbal, physical, financial and sexual abuse).

    I hope readers will pray about considering a response to the broken marriages they don’t even know about. Put a ministry out there – a small group of Sunday school class or sermon on marriages and how satan is attacking and relentlessly assaulting them! We must have a strong defense to fight for future generations! We are passing down our brokenness to our kids and grandkids… Mine included.

    I’m not throwing any stones: two marriages. Substance abuse, physical, emotional, sexual abuse… Financial… I did not understand what was happening to my marriage or me. Or my husband (porn, alchohol, anger, abusive & isolating). He has his ton of baggage to deal with but until he is safe and poured out all this junk before the Lord in surrender, our marriage is over. I hope he finds the Lord’s will for his life. Contempt and anger at me because of his issues is not going to happen anymore. My body cannot take the injuries and my heart cannot bear the continual rejection.

    I’m praying for you, dear one.

    PS: I hope you Google Leslie Vernick & Sign up for her emails.

  • KG

    Dear One, have you been praying for your wife?

    Poets all pray the Lord will break the bonds of sin and whatever is going on on FB and phone. She is hiding… I know this behavior well. God knows the whole truth and it is his will for this marriage to be whole.

    I discovered this blog today after a friend sent me this link – please go to it and read over and over and repeat! And pray like you’ve never prayed before. Find a man or two whom you can confide… Ask them to pray over and for you.

    Why you should fight your most important battles on your knees @ http://www.markmerrill.com/why-you-should-fight-your-most-important-battle-on-your-knees.

    Blessings to each of you! KG

  • MHMC

    I pray God will work the same miracle in my marriage.

  • Lauren

    Praying for you as well!

  • Lonely Wife:(

    Thank you for replying to that comment. I’ve been going through this for almost a year- last 5 months have been a lot worse. Your words really helped me, but do you know how I can start to fix the problem? I always take the 1st step in my relationship and fixed many problems over our 11 years but I feel I’m stuck on this one. Praying to Him has no outcome, yet, and I feel I’m slowly losing faith. Advice???

  • Lonely Wife:(

    I have the same exact problem except he doesn’t have a fb profile, it’s his phone period and the people he texts & sneakiness about the whole situation. If I’m outside trying to spend time with him (begging for attention without making it obvious how desperate I am) he will start an arguement so I will go back inside- start arguement so he can go somewhere alone- it hurts so bad when my best friend of 11 years won’t “let me in” anymore. I’ve been depressed yet numb for 1/2 year and tried everything to fix us :'(

  • sara

    i just got married 3 months ago. even when we we’re engaged all we did was fight. our honeymoon, all we did was fight. when we came back from our honeymoon all we did was fight. is it sad that we haven’t hardly touched each other in over 2 months? is it sad that he has threatened to divorce me since the week after we were married? he has to be right all the time. he constantly hits and throws things and verbally abusses me. he doesn’t care anything about going to counseling and he doesn’t want to go to talk to a pastor with me. all have i have done is cried and been miserable this whole time. I don’t know how much more of this i can handle. I don’t want to be unhappy anymore.

  • Anonymous

    Run before its too late. He will treat you like that forever. That is his character and he wont change. You dnt want to regret it afterwards when your stuck with him becuz of a baby. Its ur decision. If ur unhappy then do smthin about it.

  • Anonymous

    So ive been having the same problem. My husband replies to me like im a stranger. Theres no love in his communication. As if im his maid. Hi wats up. Did u do this. U do it like this. Why did i do it this way. His convos always starts with you. When i say something smart… This is why im doing it, he’ll tell me im being rude. Yet its ok for him to cuss, its ok for him to pint me out. Everyday is dreadful, i cant wait until the next day is over before it even being started. When will this cycle end.?

  • Kaleigh

    Sara, I am truly hurting for you and for how your first 3 months of marriage have gone. It sounds like it is painful for you and my heart breaks for yours. Most people would hear your story and say “get out, run while you can” but I want to encourage you to persevere. I believe marriage is created by God to display His love for us and to help us be more like Him. If God designed marriage for this purpose, when did He ever walk away from us? When has He has turned His back on us with no hope? Never. He is faithful even when we are faithless. He has NEVER left you or forsaken you and He will not give you more than you can bear. He also is in the business of redeeming all things and changing hearts. I’m begging God that He would give you the grace to persevere and that He would restore your marriage.

    Also, if he won’t go with you to counseling, go alone. Maybe your pastor or counselor will give you some tools to work out the issues in your marriage. Praying for you today, Sara.

  • Mels

    Kaleigh, I absolutely disagree with your advice to Sara. Her husband is already displaying physical abuse towards her and it will only escalate. Hitting and throwing things is PHYSICAL ABUSE.
    Sara needs to get out NOW, for her own physical safety. Do not EVER stay in an abusive marriage. It could very well cost her, her life!

  • Mels

    The cycle won’t end until/unless your husband decides to work on his issues. There’s nothing you can do to fix him. You need to focus on yourself and fix your issues. And pray that the Holy Spirit will open your husband’s eyes to the Truth.

  • Ronuk

    I am newly married,but my husband is addicted to gadgets and doesn’t bother even if m not well… Instead he shouts at me…doesn’t know how to strike a conversation… If I go silent, he says that I don’t tell him anything…is an all time lazy..all d time he says that he told the same before marriage…insensitive towards my time of sleep… Wants to watch TV late night but is least interested in going out with me…what should I do…

  • BJ_Foster

    I’m so sorry for you and your kids. That type of betrayal is gut-wrenching. Keeping secrets and building double lives does nothing but break relationships apart. Glad to hear you are praying for your husband. In my experience that is the best place to go, particularly when needing restoration. I prayed with you today.

  • Mamamia

    B J Foster
    How grateful I am for prayer support
    Those who win willfully are deceived and spiral down without resisting
    It is deeply grievous to me and our daughters to have seen their father with the other woman we did not know about this new one.
    He shakes us all because he is not behaving like the man we have known

    His saying how sorry he is and how he never wanted to hurt anyone is now nothing since he went right out and did this

    I appreciate your care and it’s actually nice to know SOMEONE outraged

    Many seem to feel like it’s nothing new or offensive

    Romans 1…sadly?

  • Kaleigh

    Mels, thank you for your response. I’m certainly not suggesting someone stay in an abusive relationship particularly when they are threatened physically. However, it’s difficult to diagnosis an abusive relationship from one paragraph and only hearing one side. That’s what a counselor or pastor that is close to the situation would be able to more accurately diagnose. Hitting and throwing things is actually not physical abuse…you can argue it’s emotional abuse which she said is happening in their marriage. But it also looks like an equally volatile relationship. That’s where a counselor comes in with more information and can give the best advice. We need to be careful with limited information advising someone to leave their marriage as a first reaction.

  • John Coloe

    Great encouragement for sara, Kaleigh. If more people, men as well as women believe as you do, think as you do, the divorce rate would plummet!

    If I could modify one thing that you offered it’s the part that “He will not give you more than you can bear”. I completely and totally disagree with that statement wherever and whenever it’s made. God will absolutely give us more than we can bear. This is how He grows us, how we draw closer *to* Him by placing our faith *in* Him. Sometimes God has to crush our kingdom out of us so that His kingdom can be established in us.

  • John Coloe

    Mels, I disagree…to a point. The first thing sara needs to do is establish boundaries. She needs to state, coolly and calmly, what is unacceptable behavior and the consequences should that behavior ever be manifested.

    For example, sara could say to her husband, “I want you to know that I love you, and that I want to work through our issues in order to have a better marriage. However, I will not stand for you throwing things, or threatening or hitting me. If you do any of those things, you will have to leave our home and won’t be allowed to come back until you’ve sought help for your anger.”

    That might sound “soft” to you, but this should always be the first response whenever a spouse abuses their mate.

    Now, if sara’s words are met with anger, she should follow through and have her husband leave, even if that means getting the authorities involved. And, if her husband re-offends, she should continue with the approach outlined in Matthew 18:15-17 by enlisting the help of another person (parent, in-law, close friend, etc.) in lovingly confronting her husband. Past that, sara should enlist the help and support of her church in dealing with the situation.

    I totally agree that no one should stay in an abusive relationship—ever! However, a person’s anger is rooted in fear. For that reason, they’re not so much a problem to be solved as a prisoner to be freed.

    sara, her husband, their marriage, the fighting, even the physical nature of their conflicts, their lack of sexual intimacy, these are all signs of deeper issues for both people.

    What others raise up in us is what God wants to heal in us. Both sara and her husband have fears that are manifesting in arguing, fighting, etc. They each need to get to the root of their fears if they’re ever going to be happy, healthy, whole individuals, let alone have a God-honoring marriage.

    There is always hope, though, and that’s what Kaliegh highlighted in her awesome reply to sara.

  • RowdyD

    After 6 months of trying I am about to split the sheets with my wife. She pretends to seek knowledge on how to revive our marriage basically manipulating the history log to make it look like she reads these articles…Married over 24 years and it all came crashing down last July…I can’t believe I gave her yet another chance and she is still just playing me. THAT is my fault as I should have just called it quits when she messed up the 2nd time.

  • Mels

    With all due respect, I’m going to disagree with your statement that her husband’s behavior is not physical abuse. She says he “constantly hits”. How is that NOT physical abuse?
    I’m curious what training and experience you have with abusive relationships, that after reading her post, you would state that she’s not in a physically abusive relationship. Also, have you read “Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft? There are hundreds of books, by both Christian and non Christian authors, trained in domestic violence, who would strongly disagree with your advice to her.
    And, regardless of how Sara is responding or reacting in her marriage, it does not give her husband the right to intimidate her by hitting, throwing and breaking things. It’s concerning to me to read that it appears you’re shifting much of the blame onto her, as well as advising her to figure out what she needs to change in herself to stop the abuse. Any changes that need to happen are with the husband who’s behaving in an abusive manner.

  • John Coloe


    This forum isn’t intended for back-and-forth exchanges in order to establish who’s “right”. It’s meant to comment on content. In this case, it should also serve to lift up sara, not debate amongst ourselves.

    What’s apparent from your contribution to this thread thus far is that it’s important to you that yours is the opinion that prevails. You disagreed with Kaleigh’s encouraging advice, as well as with my response.

    For the sake of accuracy, I made no statement even remotely resembling “that her husband’s behavior is not physical abuse”. I also didn’t state “that she’s not in a physically abusive relationship”.

    Also, while sara states, “he constantly hits and throws things and verbally abusses [sic] me”, you chose to cite only the first three words of the phrase.

    Additionally, please don’t presume to speak for authors of “hundreds of books” “who would strongly disagree with your advice to her”. What’s important, apparently, is that you disagree with so-called advice that you infer from my post.

    Nowhere in my response do I “give her husband the right to intimidate her by hitting, throwing and breaking things”. And, as for me “shifting much of the blame onto her, as well as advising her to figure out what she needs to change in herself to stop the abuse”, again, I do no such thing. My post stands for itself.

    In closing, contrary to your statement, “Any changes that need to happen are with the husband who’s behaving in an abusive manner.”, each person contributes to the health of a relationship and, therefore, needs to change if it’s ever to improve or be healed.

    Praying for sara and her situation…

  • Veronica

    Omg as I read these comments all I could do was cry which is all I’ve been doing today. I am emotionally drained from my marriage to a preacher. He is completely naive to any household responsibilities. Meaning all he knows to do is work. He knows nothing else and I mean nothing. Doesn’t know how to run a household, doesn’t know what it means to budget. Like anything outside of church he is absolutely clueless. This explains why we have lost everything we have ever had and is homeless now. I’m now taking control of the financial part to help us save because I have survival skills. Before I even met him I was independent and then when I got married and let the man control most of it that’s when I started to see that this man has no idea how to run a household. So here I am to help with budgeting to take a load off of him since no one wants to hire my professional self I’ll help in any way I can. In the mean time just because I’m over the money doesn’t mean u can’t come up with ideas or ways to make sure we don’t go broke before payday. We r down to nothing now we have lost everything wedding pic, wedding dress, suit, memories and all. I’m down to my last. There is no romance, I haven’t been in love in years, I feel like I lost most respect for him when it comes to the home. A friendship is all I can do. I feel bad for him and sometimes I believe I stayed because I wanna help. But as his wife I’m screaming and losing who I am. Im unhappy. I don’t know whether to leave or suffer. I feel like he was made to only preach but not to have a wife and family. This probably explains why we have lost everything and can’t get anything of our own now. I don’t know what else to do :(

  • Tinsol

    Marriage can really suck especially when you wake up and realize you married a person. Im sorry why didn’t you help sooner? A marriage is a partnership and you help with whatever skills you have from day one. If you saw him struggling you should have stepped in. Respect in a relationship especially marriage is based on a choice you make. It’s a commitment not earned or lost according to someone’s gifts or flaws. Love is also not a feeling. Men need respect and affection. You found out you married a man not a Disney Prince. Honestly it seems you had certain cultural expectations as to what a husband should be or do. I mean Christian or denominational cultural expectation not necessarily Biblically based. Who says every husband is supposed to be a great manager of finances? It’s a learned skill. Maybe that’s one reason your in that marriage.

  • Tinsol

    OK here goes. My wife has removed all affection and sex from our relationship for years. It started after our daughter was born slowly. They cosleep to this day. It’s a cultural thing. We have an interracial marriage. She basically replaced me with my daughter. She’s not a Christian anymore and would never seek counseling. There are so many wounds it is beyond repair except a miracle. One major issue is my lack of ability to make a living to support our family. Circumstances being we live in a foreign country and my language abilities plus the fact that I am a foreigner prevent me from making a living worthy of her expectations. Before it wasn’t a huge issue so I thought. We agreed she would work and I would take care of our daughter. Well come to find out it was a reluctant agreement. Later she blamed me for stealing my daughters childhood from her But she also wanted to work. She hold all the power and says its her house her money and makes decisions concerning my daughter without even consulting me. I never was a big money maker and she knew that but one the kid was born she went into mother mode and it all changed. We have no friends who are married. In fact we have no common friends. There have never been date nights ever after our daughter was born. Here they don’t have baby sitters and we have no family close by and you just don’t ask people to baby sit here. I will say I probably leaned on her way too much in the beggining of our marriage because she was the only person I knew here and the only one I could depend on because of language etc. She’s not a gold digger or anything but she used to not care any bit about stuff. Her father basically lived in a different city than her her sister and her mother and she went to an all girls school.

    I guess I let her down and couldn’t live up to her expectations and so she gave up on me and although we live in the same house she made it clear I’m not wanted here and we sleep in separate rooms and basically live separate lives.

    Now it’s very hard to make friends here so I go to a local bar to at least have some semblance of intimacy or affection. All the suggestions I’ve ever heard of date nights or getting counseling seem so naive and culturally American. My marriage is so far past those things. I work part time now and try to contribute as much as I can but I wish I could be working full-time and have some of the benefits she doesn’t even realize she has. I just give in now and adjust my schedule to best fit her work but I have given up all things I love art music having friends over etc and replaced it with drinking because she criticized me when I do any of things. Like your singing too loud or your making a mess with your art. Financially I am unable to leave so I know how a lot of women feel. And I want to be here for my daughter. But I crave affection and intimacy not from her anymore. I just feel numb with no desire toward her. Problem is when I see my women friends they are so sweet and affectionate toward me I want to take it to a different level. But I know its still wrong and I will end up hurting them. Anyway that’s my life and what the sadest thing is I am posting here because I don’t feel I can tell anyone else this.

  • Tinsol

    Separate if you can. And get someone else involved. Someone he knows or better that knows both of you.

  • Tinsol

    Stay up late and watch TV or use ear plugs. Have him teach you how to play his games. Over everything DO NOT NAG. Both partners make this mistake at the beginning.namely trying to improve the other. Accept him exactly how he is. Hell want to change for you if you do this. It’s not a competition to see who wins.

  • Tinsol

    She’s cheating on you. Either physically or emotionally with a guy her friends whomever but she’s found something more interesting and stimulating. Stop complimenting and doting over. Find a hobby or other friends. She may feel smothered. You sound desperate and too needy and she may sense that. Im not being rude I’m just saying stop obsessing if you can. She’ll come back to you.

  • Veronica

    Thanks for ur reply Tinsol but due to my lack of sleep I only gave u some of the problem. If I had gave u alllll of the problem id be typing for days. First let me correct something because u r an outsider looking in, I most definitely have been a help mate to him from day one. That is no doubt. Yes I’ve worked and help to pay bills nonstop until we moved to a new state and all hell happened financially and I had to leave a great job at the last minute due to his decision making and us stepping out on faith and so on(that’s a whole other story)
    I’m a supporter, nurturer, lover, everything this man ever needed and I do mean EVER needed. He never lacked anything EVER!!! I’m the one who went without to keep him afloat. When I couldn’t find a job he said no worries I got this keep being my backbone. Whatever money I did come across I made sure something was paid. I keep him happy, fulfilled, prayed up and all. Now when it comes to money I didn’t know what we had and how much was left because he never told me and when I asked so that I was in the know, he gets a tad offensive and frustrated. What woman wants to even tap into a man being offensive at all. So I just stayed quiet to keep the peace. Aside from that he always said he had it. But really he didn’t because he lacks major communication skills and I do mean major. He finally gave up and asked me to do it because it was the last straw for him when we last our wedding things and he had too much pride to tell me that we were behind on certain things. Even if u asked he would have said “it’s taken care of” so I believed him but he always waited to late to pay things. Trust me Tinsol he is far from a prince, only at church he is a prince because that’s where he has it alllllll together but at home that’s his weakness and at home is my strength. Yes I let the man lead as a man and as his wife I most definitely keep him standing and holding on because he is strong regardless of what we go through he is strong, he just lacks household knowledge period. I could go on and on about how but trust me this would take forever. one thing I NEVER do is put him down and make him feel less of a man even when we lost our things, I encouraged him, supported him, looked for a solution. I may have secretly cried at night. But i kept him going. I went above and beyond and drained myself out for 8 years. It wasn’t until last year when I signed a contract for my first movie that he said “you have given up everything u had to be there for me and support me through me trying to achieve my goals and dreams, I want to do that for u. just focus on getting those contracts and doing what u love, I support u like u supported me” now that’s fine and dandy and because of that I signed my second movie contract. In the mist of being on stage or on a movie scene I believe in working to make sure bills are paid. I believe in helping. And I always have until I lost who I was. He saw that. And supports my goals and dreams now. So Tinsol u only know a little of what’s going on due to me only giving a lil insight. But I have done all that and then some and SOMETIMES a woman just need to vent :)

  • Veronica

    Wow, ok I just read ur post after replying to ur reply to me. And ok on the part where u said u lack making a living…..my husband can definitely make the living and that’s pretty much it. Just make the living. As for having a man at home for anything else that’s the bad part. He there but I’m the protector. He’s there but I’m the maid ? He’s just there. So with her making the money it seems like she lost respect for u as a man. This is what it’s coming down to for me. Even tho he’s the bread winner I still don’t have a man of the house forreal. It’s like a training him to do what his mom and dad should have taught him growing up but that’s a whole other story. He didn’t know his dad(until I found him). But she wants u to take charge. And I want my husband to stop being weak at home. That’s not sexy.
    Now her problem is she doesn’t know how to balance her affection. Her affection is on the child. Major mistake. She’s gotta know how to keep on giving u loving and still be a working mother no matter what job u have.

  • cana

    Any time i see the name Dr.Akpada i always put a smile on my face because my husband parked his things out of the house and choose to stay with his lover which made me so sad to the extend i was no longer thinking straight but when i read some good reviews about Dr.Akpada then i was able to contact him through these details via email: akpadatemple@hotmail.com And through the help of Dr.Akpada my husband quit his relationship with his lover and he is now fully back to the house…

  • carol

    I ve been married for 46 years and lot of those years I have felt lonely. We are retired and enjoying time in the south for winters but I have to go to functions without him. He doesn t even go outside to sit in the sun and that is why I thought we are here. He spends his day watching tv. We could stay at home for that. How do I get him to enjoy life ?

  • adam

    I married my wife 3 years ago and find out that she made love to another man the second day after our engagement. And since then any time I want to make love or sit and talk like husband and wife to her that story comes to my mind and I can’t continue anymore.. I have tryied forgiving her and forgetting several times but it never worked. Sometimes I take her for outings and have some talks and fun but she don’t even know how to talk, when we come back I try making love to her it never works. I love her and never wana let her go but I don’t know what to do. Please help me I don’t even know my problem

  • Adam, I appreciate you sharing. I wrote a blog Forgiveness: It’s Not What You Think that may be helpful to you during this struggle. http://www.markmerrill.com/forgiveness-its-not-what-you-think I’ll be praying for you.

  • BJ_Foster

    That’s a tough one and you have been married for a lot longer than I have so I hesitate to even give any thoughts. What does he say when you tell him how much you want to do things with him? Is there anything other than watching TV that he takes interest in? Have you asked him what is one thing he would change about your marriage? Maybe ask him to sit down with you and create a bucket list of all the things each person would like to do. I think your best hope is drawing out of him the things he gets excited about besides the TV.

    I prayed for you and your husband and for many memories created in this season of life. Hoping for the best.

  • Randy

    So, what about narcissism? If I start to talk, it will give her an opportunity to manipulate and dominate. We’ve been to numerous Christian counselors who have said I’m dealing with a teenager in an adult body. Also paranoia. It’s been difficult to ignore the abuse, but she’s oblivious to it. She accuses me for many of the frustrating happenings in her life. I struggle with porn from time to time, and I know that is about my faithfulness to Jesus. Married 35 yrs, I don’t know if it’s too late. Any suggestions?

  • Carlos Celis

    I have reached the point when i don’t know what to do to get my wife to say things with the respect love implies. She is highly respectful outside our home when we share with othe people but when we’re alone she is bitter talking and it really has worn me out. After ten years it feels like it’s getting old and i feel lonely because i do not see a change in her. I cannot find a person to talk to so i keep it all to myself and it’s filling me with feelings of having to bear life with her rather than to expect it with excitement.

  • Feyi

    Why should she compromise her sleep ( especially when you have to go to work the next day) (quality sleep improves health) to please her husband’s hobby? Marriage is about respect, respect each other’s space. Couple need to set boundaries in their relationship – in her situation my num 1 will be “No shouting at each other”, adults talk NOT shout. Consideration! He watches TV till whatever time he wants but use headphones, be considerate of your sleeping wife so as not to disturb her sleep. She need to communicate her feeling to her spouse, sit together and do a brief test ( list 5 things I do that you do not like, List 5 things I do that you like, List 5 things I do NOT do but will like me to be doing and exchange your test papers…….with intention of honestly working on each other’s short comings). Men usually confuse communication with NAGGING. Expressing your innermost feelings especially when it concerns your relationship is very vital in a marriage otherwise you will abhor resentement towards your spouse and this is worse. Each other’s happiness and comfort should matter to you first as couples.

  • Feyi

    Have you done everything within your reach to get a good paying job? we will start from securing a job because that will combat your wife’s supriority complex. Have you thought of going back to school for at least diploma in a field that has higher rate of employment? Do you still have the desire to be intimate with your wife, or to get your relationship back to the good norm? “But I crave affection and intimacy NOT from her anymore”, “Problem is when I see my women friends they are so sweet and affectionate toward me I want to take it to a different level. But I know its still wrong and I will end up hurting them” those quoted words from you leave me to wonder if you still really want your spouse at all or if you want to repair what is damaged in your marriage. If you do, your first step is to secure a job, that will make you feel like a man, then start to provide for your family’s needs instead of your wife being the sole bread winner. “Later she blamed me for stealing my daughters childhood from her”…. what she need is obvious…..a man she and her daughter can lean on ( if your lack of job is temporary it would have been better but it seem you have accepted a fate of not ever getting a job “Circumstances being we live in a foreign country and my language abilities plus the fact that I am a foreigner prevent me from making a living worthy of her expectations”). Most of us are immigrants in a strange land but we still have to find a way to make it work. I personally believe things will take a better shape if she sees your endeavour to better your chances of securing a good job and support the family living quality esp. that of your daughters. Financial security is a major aspect in one’s life.