My wife, Susan, is good at loving me when I’m unlovable. When I walk through the door cranky, stomping my feet and hissing, she could snap at me and say, “What’s your problem?” But, instead, she approaches me gently, hugs me, and loves me. One of the hardest things to do is to love unlovable people, especially when your spouse is one of those people.
It’s easy to love others when they’re kind, sweet, and making us happy, but we must also love them when they’re not. This doesn’t come naturally to most of us. God knows this so he calls us to “outdo each other in showing honor” and to turn away anger with a soft answer. Yes, I know—it’s easier said than done. Here are 3 things to remember in order to love a spouse who seems unlovable.
1. The Pledge
When each of us got married, we made a choice to love our spouse for life, for better for worse. We made a choice to love each other even when we’re unlovable. In other words, we pledged to love our spouses unconditionally. Unconditional love is not an “if you do this, I’ll do that” kind of love; it’s an “I’ll do this regardless of what you do” kind of love.
2. The Choice
One of my wife’s friends is married to a temperamental man; he’s a good guy overall, but when he’s under a lot of pressure, he lashes out at her. He doesn’t do it to the point of abuse, but in that state, he’s not very lovable. Think about what makes your spouse unlovable. Maybe it’s his spending habits, her moods, or the dozens of little things our spouses do that drive us crazy. When you feel less than loving to your spouse, repeat this to yourself: “I love you even when you…” and fill in the blank with the things that bother you.
3. The Payoff
By doing that, you’re telling yourself you’ve made a choice to love your spouse no matter what. You are also saying you are there for your spouse even when he or she isn’t at his or her best. In the end, your sacrifice will draw you and your spouse closer and make the love you share even deeper.
What has helped you love your spouse when he or she wasn’t as his or her best? Share your comment below.
