Please Take My 2015 Reader Survey
I’m committed to making things better—in marriages, family relationships, and in all I do. In that spirit, I want to ensure my blog and podcast do the best possible job of answering your needs and interests. And that means I need to hear from you. To do that, I’ve created my 2015 Reader Survey. Would […]
What Your Wife Really Wants for Valentine’s Day
Over the last couple of years, I’ve written about creative gift ideas for Valentine’s Day and Valentine’s Day activities. This year, I thought I’d share with you the gift that may be even more special to your wife—the gift of your heart.
Yes, you can reveal a bit of your heart through how you craft a date night, how you choose a gift, or how you spend time together. But we as men have to understand that, for our wives, those things are just part of the picture. They want and need to see more of our hearts toward them.
My wife, Susan, wants to know and to see and to better understand the heart that beats for her behind those actions. And I believe that wives everywhere are craving intimacy with the hearts of their husbands. [Tweet This]
How can we share our hearts with them? There are a lot of ways to do this: a note, a card, a full-fledged love letter, a poem or song, maybe even a selfie video to send to them.
But whatever method you choose, here are some critical elements…the anatomy if you will…of a successful message from your heart to her’s this Valentine’s Day.
How to Get Unstuck from a Marriage Rut
It started out as a great adventure. My son Mark, Jr., my brother Bill, and friend Bo were having fun, exploring new places and on the trail to our hunting destination. And then we hit a soft spot. And before we knew it, our wheels we spinning but we were going nowhere. So Bo pressed on the gas pedal but that just sunk us deeper into the mud. We were bogged down, stuck in a rut, in the woods in South Carolina.
We found some pieces of wood to slip under the tires, something to give us some traction again. But it turned out that even that wasn’t enough. So, Bill, Mark, Jr. and I teamed up to push the truck out of that rut.
The experience got me thinking about how easy it is to get stuck in a rut in marriage. We’re driving along in our relationship and find ourselves living in a soft, muddy spot that we just can’t get out of…a place where we are just spinning our relational wheels but really not making any progress or going anywhere.
Here’s what I learned about getting unstuck from marriage rut.
7 Musts for Your Marriage
There’s a growing trend for couples to individualize their wedding day from personal vows to unique settings, but there are still two elements that are common to many. First is the playing of “Here Comes the Bride” as she makes her special entry for the service. And then there’s the reading of some very familiar words that can actually set the course for a successful marriage.
Chances are, if someone is going to include a passage from the Bible in their wedding ceremony, it’s going to be from what is often known as The Love Chapter in the book of 1 Corinthians.
Even people unfamiliar with Scripture will recognize the words. Chapter 13, verses 4-7 of that book declare, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Hanging on the wall, these words might be a bright reminder of your special day. Hung in your hearts, they can be a roadmap to a rich future. Usually, we are told to avoid saying always and never because they are unhelpful absolutes but not in this case. This inspiring passages offers wise dos and don’ts for a meaningful, enriching marriage. Let’s look at seven of them.
How to Dig Deep into Your Child’s Heart
Tales of buried treasure have long stoked the imaginations of everyone from children to pirates, from thrill seekers to corporations, from the old west 49ers to the playfully modern geocachers. People can spend their entire lives and fortunes looking for oil, gold, diamonds, rare metals and elements, all in the hopes of finding it.
Treasure. Rare, invaluable treasure.
And in that way, I think parenting is a lot like treasure hunting, too. Ultimately, parenting is a ton of hard work that makes you wonder what you will find and accomplish in the end. Parenting involves a pursuit of treasure that is buried within the heart and life of a child. And parenting has a big payoff when you find those treasures in the heart of your child. Here are some other ways parenting is like a great treasure hunt.
How Being Sarcastic Will Hurt Your Family
Do you want your family to trust you? One of the best ways to build that trust is to say what you mean and mean what you say. Words are powerful, for good and bad. But perhaps no words are more damaging and trust-destroying than sharp, cutting words dripping with the ooze of sarcasm. What does sarcasm mean for families? Nothing but trouble.
But sarcasm can be worse than direct, blunt meanness. Why? Because sarcasm is basically meanness that’s cloaked in an insincere complement. Here are 5 ways being sarcastic will hurt your family.
Stop Trying to Achieve Work Life Balance!
Nik Wallenda made history in June 2013 when he became the first man to cross a Grand Canyon-area gorge on a tightrope. But while admirable, his achievement is not the inspirational work-life balance lesson some people suggest. Why? Because it’s just not possible to sustain that kind of balance for a long time.
It took every ounce of the seventh-generation member of the famous Flying Wallendas high-wire family’s concentration, skill, and determination to complete the 22-minute crossing, 1,500 feet above the Little Colorado River Gorge. His walk was a continual series of careful adjustments, taking into account the wind, the weight of his bar, and the movement of the wire beneath his feet.
That kind of balance required all his training and all his talent, a level of intensity that can only be channeled into a specific goal. Few would even consider attempting it—yet many people are drawn to try a different kind of high-wire act that I believe is equally beyond them.
I’m talking about the work-life balance that we are so often told to pursue; the search term brings up almost 200,000 Google results. The idea is that if we try hard enough, we can keep everything in our life in good order and perfect harmony. We meet all our work obligations and responsibilities but never miss a family dinner or one of the kids’ games. No one is ever disappointed, and everything works out just fine.
It’s a worthy goal to aspire to; but let’s be honest, we’re not going to achieve it. Life just isn’t like that. There are too many factors beyond our control. Don’t forget Nik wouldn’t have stepped out if the conditions had been too bad. But you can’t always say “No” to things just because the timing isn’t the best, right? Work goals still have to be met. Children must be fed and cared for.
For many, the concept of work-life balance has become unhelpful. A general principle that should be encouraging has become a cast-iron rule that too often leaves people feeling frustrated, failures, guilty, or inadequate. It can also drive a wedge between couples who feel the other isn’t pulling their weight as they should.
Even the words of wisdom from the ancient Book of Ecclesiastes remind us that we can’t always hold things in perfect tension. “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven,” it declares. “A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted… a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up… a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together… a time to get, and a time to lose.” So let me be the one to give you permission to live life off-balance.
I’m not saying you should not be concerned about being the best worker, husband or wife, and parent that you can, all at the same time. But sometimes those demands don’t all line up equally the same. Here are five things to keep in mind as you live off-balance.
7 Keys to Marriage Maintenance
Car ownership can be a thrill, an investment, a hobby, an obsession, or even just a necessity. But owning a car also means learning how to maintain the car to keep it running well for a long time. In the same way, it’s critical to regularly maintain your marriage so it will last for life. So here are some keys to marriage maintenance.
1. Marriage needs regular maintenance on the basics.
Every vehicle needs the fluids checked, the oil changed, and the tires aired up from time to time. A car that gets that attention can last a long time. But a vehicle that is neglected in these basics is headed for a short life because of the cumulative wear and tear.
Your marriage needs regular maintenance as well. You can’t just tell your spouse “I said ‘I love you’ when we got married, and I’ll let you know if anything changes!” Keeping up on the basics of love, patience, kindness, communication, and intimacy will help your marriage handle the wear and tear of the mileage, too.
2. Be sure your security system is working.
Thieves are everywhere. Car dealers have increasingly complicated security systems in place to reassure a new owner. And stickers and lights are intended to discourage would-be criminals.
Similarly, you need to maintain careful security over your marriage. You can’t assume no one will ever try to steal the heart and affection of your spouse either. Today’s culture is rife with seduction of many kinds. A protected marriage projects a strength that warns others not to waste their time even trying. Here are the rest of the keys to maintaining your marriage.
7 Ways to Bounce Back From a Marriage Mistake
You’ve done it again. Or maybe you’ve not done it again. Either way, you’ve messed up in your marriage once more. I’m not talking about a major life crisis like infidelity or financial recklessness; these are situations of a different magnitude. I mean the more subtle, everyday ways in which you let each other down, intentionally or unintentionally.
For my daughter’s upcoming wedding, Susan gave me a task that was important to her—making sure all of the correct addresses were put into the wedding invitation list. Well, I put the addresses into the list but did not check them. Thus, some of them were old and the invitations were returned to us. While I didn’t think it was a big deal, it was a big deal to Susan. She gave me a small job and I did not do it well which created more work for her.
What about a mistake you made? For instance, maybe you’re forgetful and you left the milk out overnight once again and it’s gone bad, despite having been asked countless times to be more careful. Or, you failed to ask how your spouse was coping with that difficult work situation, even though you know it’s been weighing heavily on them for weeks. You come off as uncaring.
Rather than being dismissive—”It’s nothing, she just needs to get over it”—or defensive—”Doesn’t he know that I’ve got challenges of my own?” I have found seven ways to react positively that can help you deal successfully with a mess up in your marriage.
