#108: Forgiveness: What It Is and What It Isn’t (Podcast)
So, let’s say that you’ve been wronged…wronged by your spouse, child, close friend or coworker. You thought you could count on them. You thought you could trust them. They let you down. It hurts. The pain runs deep inside you. What makes things worse, you didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve the deed. It wasn’t your fault. Every day the painful video plays inside your head. You cannot erase it from your mental hard drive. Bitterness, resentment, and anger all start to flood your emotions.
The Danger Zone: Friendships of the Opposite Sex
A few years ago we hired someone to join the Family First team who was surprised by one my policies: I do not meet with, dine with, or travel with any female alone—even if that means, for example, going to the extra expense of using two cars to go somewhere.
It’s not because my marriage is fragile, but because it’s strong and I want it to remain that way. I’m not immune from temptation so I want to stay completely away from it. It’s a precaution, kind of like when I put my seat belt on each time I get into a car, even though I don’t intend to drive recklessly. It just makes sense.
Some people may say that I am being unrealistic or puritanical, but I have seen and heard of too many marriages that have ended up in crisis and even divorce because a husband has gotten too close to another woman, or a wife has allowed another man to take the place in her heart that belongs only to her husband. It’s one of 7 Risk Factors for Having an Affair.
At the extreme, these unwise relationships end up in full-blown unfaithfulness. This kind of thing usually doesn’t just happen all of a sudden. There are a series of missteps along the way, and the result is among the most devastating marriage crises to face. I’m not at all saying it is impossible to recover from such a breach of trust and commitment, but there will be a lot of heartache and hard work along the road to restoration.
Unfaithfulness is on a continuum, like speeding. There may be a difference between driving at 60 mph and 45 mph in a 30 mph zone, but both are wrong and come with consequences. In the same way, it’s possible to be emotionally unfaithful in a way that will damage your marriage. You may keep back your body but give the other person your heart.
This friendship danger zone is larger than it has ever been. Men and women work alongside each other in the workplace much more. Then there is the whole world of social media where you can connect with old high school friends on Facebook.
We don’t need to get paranoid about it all, and I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t have friends of the opposite sex. I certainly do. But you should be forewarned and forearmed in this area. So let me share three dos and three don’ts for avoiding this potential problem.
Three Ways You’re Teaching the Golden Rule Wrong
Everyone has heard the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It’s one of those basic rules that parents tell their kids to follow. But we may be showing our kids something different. Here are 3 ways we sometimes misinterpret or misapply the cherished Golden Rule. 1. Do unto others so they will […]
5 Secrets You Must Know About Your Wife
Mark and I don’t keep secrets from each other. We just don’t—it’s how we think a marriage should be. But there may be a few secrets that he doesn’t know that swirl around my head from time to time that I just wish he knew. And no, it’s not that I went shopping and spent a lot of money without him knowing—it’s the inherent desires of my heart that come naturally to me, but he has to learn.
Perhaps your wife thinks like I do. Here are my 5 secrets you must know about your wife.
6 Signs You Need a Quick Getaway
Sometimes life just builds up so intensely that you find yourself lost in it, and your marriage suffers because of it. Every marriage needs time for a getaway, even a quick one. An ideal getaway is for at least two days, but that’s not always practical. Here are a few signs that indicate you might need to schedule some time, find a grandparent or someone to watch the kids, and get away for a weekend or even a few days in the middle of the week.
Your dates, or any snippets of time alone, are more like family business meetings. Dates are supposed to be about connecting, but when life gets the best of you, the connecting is about planning calendars, addressing problems, making financial decisions, etc.
Do you need more signs? Here are 5.
Celebrating Mother’s Day: Mom’s the Word!
It’s interesting to me that when we want to express how important something is, we describe it as “the mother of all….” It reminds me that while dads are hugely important, of course, moms not only rock, they often are the rock! [Tweet This]
This isn’t the only figure of speech that celebrates moms. So as we anticipate Mother’s Day this year, let’s look at a few other phrases that point us to some of the many ways in which moms play such an important part in children’s lives. And let’s not forget the many women who may not have a direct family link, but who have been loving mother figures to others, nurturing and loving.
Perhaps thinking of some of the different ways “mother” is used will spark a new appreciation for what your mom may have given in your life or help you and your children to come up with some creative ways to celebrate the woman who is now their mom.
Maybe reflecting on how moms the word in some different ways will help you ensure she is honored well, and even inspire 4 meaningful ways to honor your mother on Mother’s Day. The ideas that follow could be part of your purposeful celebration.
The Marriage Secrets I Can’t Keep to Myself
The thing I love most about my job is hearing stories of transformation and growth from couples and families around the world. On the internet and in the media, we all too often hear the stories of failure. This couple is getting a divorce, that person had an affair, those two can’t seem to communicate. […]
In Praise of Teachers
As the school year closes and the final bell sounds, I have a special message to all those wonderful teachers who have blessed our children all across our nation.
Thank You…
For inspiring our kids’ sometimes wandering hearts and minds…
For channeling their energies into productive pursuits…
For loving our kids when they needed someone to love them…
For reinforcing the values we are working to instill in them…
For positively influencing the course of their history in the making…
As parents, we are naturally inclined to unconditionally love our children. It’s a choice, but it comes from a biological, adoptive, familial and spiritual connection to them. As teachers, you choose to love on and invest in children without those familial bonds. When we see someone care for, take an interest in, and love our kids the way you do, our hearts are full.
As I wrote once before in praise of teachers, teachers are too often underpaid, underappreciated and rarely recognized. Yet as dedicated professionals, you shape minds, stretch imaginations, challenge thinking, and mold character. You help us build the legacy that will lead our nation into the future.
Here are some of the ways that that you loving teachers make a huge difference for good in the lives of our kids.
How to Crush Comparison in Marriage
If you feel like the marriage grass is greener on the other side when you look at other couples, it could be that you’re not watering your own lawn enough and spending too much time looking at theirs. Alongside issues like being critical or controlling, comparing your marriage to others’ seems pretty innocuous. But I believe that it’s the front door through which other relationship killers can gain access to our lives. Susan and I talk about how dangerous comparison is in our Marriage Killers podcast.
The problem with marriage “comparison shopping” is that it can lead to buyer’s remorse. [Tweet This] Feelings of discontentment bubble up. Unchecked, they can lead to attitudes of complaining and criticism. You start wishing that your spouse was more outgoing and fun like Charles or more organized and thoughtful like Jessica.
Here are three steps for dealing with the danger of comparing your marriage to others’.
