I just took another trip for work, this time to Ohio. My wife, Susan, was back at home. We’re apart sometimes because I routinely travel for work. Maybe you and your wife are in a similar situation because of work or other obligations. It may feel like a long-distance marriage at times. Even if you’re not taking long trips, you’re probably still apart from your spouse on most days. If at least one of you works full-time outside the house, you’ll be in different places for at least 200 hours each month.
That time is just a sliver of your life together, but physical distance can easily grow to emotional distance. Columbia University found that about 31% of couples report “deficient intimacy.” That means many spouses are in danger of drifting apart emotionally, physically, or mentally. We should take note of this warning and focus on our connection with our spouses to close any gaps from forming. Here are 6 ways to stay connected to your spouse while apart.
1. Be intentional before you leave.
If you want your spouse to feel close to you while one of you is gone, plan ahead. Does your spouse love acts of service? Help pack a bag for the trip. Does he or she need physical touch? Go out and get coffee the day before or have an evening alone for dinner so you can have that quality time together. Convey to your spouse how much you’ll miss them while you’re away. This is great before long trips and on regular days.
2. Write and hide notes.
Words of affirmation are appreciated by most spouses. Try leaving a note for yours the next time you’re gone. Write out something special, like “I couldn’t do life without you,” or simply, “Love you!” Put it in a place he or she will be sure to find it like the bathroom mirror, a wallet or purse, or, if they love lattes like my wife, by the coffee machine. They may not find it right away, but they’ll be surprised when they do. Notes can be better than digital communication because your spouse can hold them, see your handwriting, and appreciate your intention. There’s something irreplaceable about knowing you took time to write down your feelings and left the note in an unsuspecting place.
3. Send text messages frequently.
That said, digital communication has its advantages. There’s an immediacy to texting that doesn’t happen with a hidden note. Texting your spouse frequently shows them that you’re thinking about them while you’re not together. It says, “I still desire to stay connected.” These texts don’t have to be elaborate. A simple “Miss you” is comforting. I have a coworker who sets alarms on his phone to remind him to text. It may seem silly, but do whatever works for you. If you have to step into a long meeting, let your spouse know you’ll reconnect when you’re free.
4. Pick up the phone.
Your spouse’s voice sparks connection. Research has shown that hearing it causes you to release oxytocin, the hormone that sparks comfort, security, and emotional attachment. It makes me feel less stressed when I hear my wife’s voice. That dip in stress is good for you both, so when you’re away, plan frequent phone dates. Maybe that’s a five-minute call during your work shift. If you’re gone on a trip, maybe that’s a much longer call to wrap up the day. The sound of your spouse’s voice will calm you, but the questions you ask will connect you. Tell your spouse you didn’t like that long-distance marriage feeling.
5. Pray together.
This is something all spouses should try, but it’s a great way to feel close when apart. It only takes a few minutes during a phone or FaceTime call. Inviting God into your relationship increases trust and intimacy and draws you closer by doing something personal, spiritual, and interactive. You can pray for each other’s safety, stresses, insecurities, and kids. First Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Prayer is one amazing way we can show love to our spouse, even when we are not in the same room.
6. Plan something fun for your return.
What is something you can plan to do together when you return? Try to pick something you’ll both like to build anticipation. Expect to be tired from travel, so lean toward something relaxing. The activity itself isn’t crucial. The key is doing it together. The longer you’re away, the more you’ll need this reconnection time. Don’t just assume it will all come together. Be proactive and make the plans. This will show your spouse that even though you had a long-distance marriage for a while, getting back together was always on your mind.
When have you felt like you had a long-distance marriage with your spouse? Share in a comment.
