In the blockbuster Marvel Studios superhero film Black Panther, the hero T’Challa, king of the fictional African kingdom of Wakanda, was played by actor Chadwick Boseman, who passed away earlier this year. His beloved character challenged world leaders with these words: “…in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers.”
This proverb is true in marriage, too. Crises and adversity are opportunities for spouses to work together to build up their marriage. While there are unique ways each spouse can help support the other, here are 6 things husbands want from their wives during a crisis.
Crises and adversity are opportunities for spouses to work together to build up their marriage.
1. Maintain emotional control.
One of the worst things anyone can do in a time of crisis is panic. Both of you will have an easier time keeping calm (which leads to better decisions) if you can keep a handle on your emotions.
2. Trust him.
Trust is a key to marriage in many ways, and it is earned over time. Trust also can be exhausted quickly with egregious actions. But in times of crisis, your husband will feel respected and find his courage when he sees and knows that you trust him.
3. Allow him to express fears and doubts.
Generally, men have a harder time expressing their innermost emotions. Sharing their fears and doubts intuitively feels like showing weakness. But you can help him process what’s in his heart by accepting him when he has the courage to be vulnerable. Your courage will validate him and empower his courage to do what’s hard and what’s right.
4. If he vents, don’t assume it’s about you.
In the heat of a crisis, a person’s fear, anger, or frustration can cause him or her to react by venting. But I’ve seen many times in myself and other men a tendency to look like they’re lashing out at their wives when they’re really most frustrated or upset with themselves. He should never be belligerent, but if he vents, try patiently to reassure him that you’re a “safe space” by not reacting defensively or assuming it’s about you.
5. Remind him of your faith and hope.
Sometimes we just need someone to remind us of what we already know and believe, deep down in our hearts. Marriage was made for tough times. Truth, in the foundation of our faith, can provide hope to hang onto when we would otherwise feel hopeless. Your faith and hope might be what he needs to lean on, and times will come when you will find your husband’s faith and hope are a bedrock to you, too.
6. Encourage him to pray with you.
Taking time to pray together can be a significant glue in marriage. It’s not hard to do. Just talk to God honestly. The best prayers are not just asking God for your wish list, but pouring your hearts out honestly, in your own words, about how you feel, what you fear, and what you need Him to do. Praying together encourages you both to be vulnerable with God and each other, and builds your trust and intimacy.
What are other things husbands want from their wives during a crisis? Share in a comment.