On Monday I talked about the first area where double standards in parenting occur. Today, I’d like to talk about the other two areas.
Gender.
As for parenting boys and girls, sometimes a double standard is necessary, while other times it’s not.
- Safety. The other night, my daughter Megan called from school and told me her plans to go for a run after dinner on a secluded trail near campus. Immediately, I thought of all the things that could happen at night to a girl running alone on a trail that wasn’t well lit. Instead, I asked her to go for her run around her apartment complex where there were plenty of people nearby. On the other hand, if my son had told me that he had plans to go for a run alone at night, I wouldn’t have stopped him except to make sure he didn’t have his wallet with him when he ran. So, while keeping our kids safe is a number one priority, there will certainly be times when parenting girls and parenting boys will rightfully lead to different parenting decisions.
- Moral Issues. When it comes to our kids’ morals, we need to parent with the same standards. Because whether it’s your son or your daughter, there are certain things that should never be acceptable—drinking underage, having sex outside of marriage, or taking illegal drugs, to name a few.
Personality and Behavior.
Lastly I’d like to share how, yes, parents should have a double standard in parenting when considering their kids’ personalities and behavior.
When we adopted our son Grant from Russia, we learned that there were certain ways in which he was prone to violence. After getting into fights at school on a number of occasions, my wife and I had to take a step back and address the situation. We ended up choosing to stop allowing Grant to watch certain movies and play certain games that had too much violence in them. This was a hard call to make when our other kids were still allowed to watch those same movies, but a double standard in parenting was necessary knowing Grant’s personality and behavior.
In the same way, it’s important that you and your spouse recognize your kids’ personalities and what behaviors can come as a result. For example, if your child has demonstrated reckless behavior consistently, they may not be ready to get their driver’s license when they turn 16. Or if your child suffers from ADHD, you may need to choose to not let him play in the front yard unsupervised like your other children for fear he may run into the road and endanger himself. All in all, having a double standard for these sorts of situations is vital.
What are some times you’ve seen a double standard in your parenting? Leave a comment below to share your story.
