How Do You Know if You’re Being a Good Husband?

Evaluations are commonplace in work environments.  No matter what kind of job you have, chances are there’s some time every year where your boss, and perhaps others, weigh in on how good you are at your job.  But when do couples do spouse evaluations? Less often than we should is probably the right answer. Although marriage is certainly a complex relationship, I think there are some basic things that you can use to tell if you’re being a good husband.

Sure, personality tests and the like can also enrich your marriage, but let’s look at some basics here. From my 27 years of marriage combined with years of study and research, I’d like to share with you 10 things that you can use to gauge if you’re doing well as a husband.  Rate yourself, then have your spouse rate you without sharing your answers until the end. (And have fun with it…don’t use it to win a conflict, but to move towards a better marriage).

Rating:

1 – I need to work on this

2 – I am okay at this

3 – I’m really good at this

Rate yourself with a 1, 2, or 3 on each of the following 10 things:

1. She typically feels that I understand her.
2. I usually ask for, and value, her input and ideas.
3. She usually feels safe and protected, physically and emotionally.
4. I frequently pursue her to show her I desire her, physically and emotionally.
5. I usually empathize with my wife’s feelings.
6. I usually forgive her when conflict comes between us.
7. She is typically confident of my commitment to our marriage.
8. She is typically confident that I’m trustworthy.
9. I am usually good at carrying a conversation with my wife.
10. I am usually an intentional, skilled listener of my wife.

If you scored 20-30 points, you are doing well as a husband in some important areas.  If your wife ALSO scores you in that range, that’s great.  Of course, there’s always room for improvement.

But don’t be discouraged if your score is below 20, either as you score yourself or as your spouse scores you.  Take this as a challenge and an opportunity to step up your game, and prove to yourself and your spouse that you want to grow.  Just taking a small step to acknowledge your need to grow is helpful and encouraging. You can also follow this link for a guided conversation to evaluate your marriage together.

What areas can you improve upon? Please share your comments below.