In the movie, Courageous, one of the main characters, Alex, states that he wants to be more than just a “good enough” father.  So, what makes a father more than “good enough”?  How can you be a father who is great?

Dads, start by making a list of your priorities.  What is the first item on your list?  Is it your relationship with God?  That is an amazing start.  If the next item is your family, you are on a roll.  If you are married, your relationship with your wife needs to be strong, or it will affect your relationship with your children as well.  If your marriage is sinking in quicksand, here are some tips on how to put conflict to rest. If your marriage is on solid ground, here are 10 compliments to give your wife to keep it that way.

If there are items other than faith and family at the top of your priorities, such as work or sports, then you need to shift some of your priorities around.  Start by making a commitment to spend more time with your children. Remember, T-I-M-E is how your kids spell love.  So, schedule one-on-one time with each of your children at least once a week.  Go paint pottery with your daughter.  Take your son to the batting cages.  Or, just toss the ball in the backyard, take a bike ride or watch Courageous (now available on DVD) with your older children.  Get to know each other!  You will find your kids are some of the most fascinating people in your life.

What activities you do with your kids in your one-on-one times together?

Tony Dungy and I first met in 1997, a year after he became head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  Since that time, he and I have worked side-by-side helping men to be the best fathers they can be through our All Pro Dad program.

Recently, Tony and I were sitting in my office talking about fatherhood.  During our conversation, we talked about the importance of fathers modeling courage to their children.  I asked Tony, “What is courage?”  “Courage is the ability to do the right thing, all the time, no matter how painful or uncomfortable it might be,” Tony said to me in his convincing way.  “It takes courage to discipline at the right time and in the right way.  It takes courage to say ‘no’.  It takes courage to go against the grain and say, ‘You know what, I know everybody else allows their kids to watch these television programs, or dress like that, but I’m not going to allow it.’  It takes courage to stand up for your convictions.”

I agree with Tony and I would add that it takes courage for a father to:

• Create boundaries for your kids
• Discipline your children and apply appropriate consequences when they go outside those boundaries
• Control technology, monitor electronics and establish clear guidelines for what types of TV shows and movies they are allowed to watch and the music they can listen to
• Talk to your children about sex
• Require your children to work
• Be a parent, not a buddy
• Ask for forgiveness when you are wrong and forgive your child when they have done something wrong

In the movie, Courageous, (now on DVD), five men take different roads toward their goal of being a “courageous” dad.  View it with your wife or older children and see the results of their individual journeys.

What other things would you add to this list that a courageous father must do?

Like children wait with anticipation for Christmas morning, what are you waiting for this Christmas season?  There is One who is waiting to love, to rescue, and to save you, so much so that He died and is coming again for you.  Invite Emmanuel to spend this Christmas season with you and your family.   Emmanuel.   God with us.   God with you.  Watch this video to hear how Emmanuel “has come, and He will come again”.

 Advent: God With Usfrom The Village Church on Vimeo.

I have heard that if you take a look at someone’s check book, you will know what their priorities are.  Is it true that where your money goes, so goes your priorities?  Here are seven ways to know what you truly value:

1. Where do you spend your time?  This is one of the best measuring sticks. When you have free time, do you spend it on the computer, watching TV or playing golf with the guys?  Or do you spend it playing outside with your kids or having coffee with your wife?  People should matter most.  They are the ones that will be there for you when you need them.  Choose to invest your time in the relationships with the greatest return.

2. Where is your money spent?  With big purchases, people tend to take the decision seriously.  With smaller amounts, that is where you can lose focus.   Do you spend your money on clothes, re-decorating your house, big impressive toys, or entertainment?  Or do you tithe and support charities or missionaries?  There is nothing wrong with having fun, but make sure you are investing in things with lasting value.

3. Where do your thoughts stray?  When you are just sitting at your desk, waiting in line or doing nothing, what kind of thoughts come to mind?  Where your thoughts go, so goes your heart.

4. When you are gone, what legacy will you leave?  Don’t let life pass you by.  Don’t wait for tomorrow to make a difference because we are not promised one day beyond today.  Spend time on the people, places and things that matter most.  Leave a legacy of changed lives.

5. If you had one day left to live, how would you spend it?  If today were your last, how would you spend it?  Do it now!  If you are waiting for an answer in one area of your life, do not put the rest of your life on hold.  No regrets!

6. What area of your life do you neglect the most? Find the area in your life that you neglect the most and you will find the area that you care the least about.  Make sure these areas should not be moved up the list of priorities.  Family, marriage and other relationships should never be on the list of neglects.

7. When was the last time you were truly happy?  If you can’t remember the answer, make a change!  Remember, happiness is influenced by circumstances, joy is not.  If you have faith, you have the ability to be joyful in all circumstances.  But, if you want to have a happy, abundant life, then you may need to make some adjustments to the things that are under your control.  Check out All Pro Dad’s 10 Thoughts on Happiness, take a quick inventory, and then make any necessary adjustments.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on what you value most and how you invest your time and resources to maintain your priorities.

I receive a lot of unsolicited books at my office and am not able to read most of them. However, one day I received one of those books from a guy named Todd Gongwer.  For some reason, even though it was in the middle of my work day, I didn’t set the book aside but picked it up and started reading the first chapter. Then, I continued with the second chapter and the third.  Although it was tough to close, I decided I better finish it at home.  In just two evenings at home, I finished the book. There are two ways I know that a book is good.  When I read it quickly and when I do a lot of underlining and highlighting. I did both with Lead for God’s Sake.

Right after I read the book, I called Todd and expressed my gratitude to him for writing such an amazing work on leadership and life. I shared with him how Lead for God’s Sake is one of the best books on leadership that I’ve read in many years.

This is one of those books that will impact your life in some way.  Written as a modern day parable that anyone can relate to, you’ll find yourself identifying with one or more of the characters.

The book challenges us to answer meaningful questions like: Why do I do what I do?  That is, what’s my purpose?  And how everything else in our lives flows from how we answer that one question. Once you know why you were created, then you can align everything else in your life with that purpose.

There are some real surprises, twists and turns in the book that I can’t share with you. You’ll just have to get the book for yourself!

Do you want to give your marriage a boost?  It doesn’t take attending a weekend seminar or even reading a thick, hard cover book; you can boost your marriage in just one minute a day. Try these six ways to boost your marriage in sixty seconds.

1. Say “Thank you” or “You are an amazing spouse.”  Everyone likes to feel appreciated and loved.  Thank your spouse for the little things that they do that may go unnoticed.  Let them know that you did, in fact, notice.  Or just simply say, “You are amazing and I am so honored to share my life with you.”

2. Spend some spontaneous time together during a weekday.   It is so easy to get wrapped up in the everyday things of life and just go through the motions.  Let your spouse know that they are not just part of the weekday routine.  Take an hour to have lunch with your spouse during the week.  Or just send a text or make a quick call to let them know you are thinking about them.  A little extra effort will go a long way.

3. Ask about their day.  Everyone wants to feel important.  At the end of a long day, you may not feel like listening to one more issue, situation, or recap; however, take a few minutes to ask your spouse about their day and really listen—make eye contact and respond.  No need to problem-solve, just let them know that you care about how they are doing.

4. Kiss your spouse.  Physical affection is an important way to show your spouse that you love them, especially on a day they may not feel particularly attractive or lovable.  Take a spontaneous moment to show them that they are still the one you love.

5. Pray for them.  Pray for your spouse.  Pray for their protection, their needs, their concerns, and anything that you know is important to them.  Also pray for your marriage, your children, your life together, and that God remains (or becomes) the center of it.

6. Encourage dream-chasing.  Throughout our lives, we continue to have new dreams and also have some old ones that have yet to be fulfilled.  Encourage your spouse to never lose that child-like gift of dreaming about the future–adventures, hobbies, travel.  You will benefit as well because life will never be boring!

Try these six things for one week and let me know if you see changes in your marriage. I’d love to hear from you!

Dave Ramsey offers some tips on how to make your post-holiday shopping not so painful in January.  He also offers financial advice on many topics that can be found on www.daveramsey.com.

Some of you may be headed out today, on Black Friday, in search for great deals. Here are three tips to keep in mind while you shop to help ease the after-Christmas bills blues, because nobody likes to sing that tune.

1. Research – Before you head to the mall, look for deals online.  Visit the websites of the stores you plan to visit, and check out their prices.  Don’t waste your time shopping at one store if you know the store down the street has a better deal.

2. Make a budget – This is common-sense stuff, but it’s amazing how many people have no financial plan for their spending.  They are like an energetic kid in a toy store, grabbing the first toy that looks pretty and tossing it into the shopping cart.  In order to work your way out of debt, you must become disciplined during the holiday season.  If you must buy for everyone, keep it simple and stay within your means–however meager they may be.  Don’t get caught up in “bigger is better,” or else the bigger debt in January will remind you of how stupid that mindset is.

3. Use cash – As Dave says, you spend less when you use cash.  Before you hit the stores, swing by the ATM and pick up a pre-planned amount of money.  Then, stop shopping when it’s gone.  If you planned ahead and followed the two steps listed above, then using cash should be easy.  You’ll know what you need to buy and how much it will cost–before you start.

To help you stay organized for your holiday shopping, try using iMOM’s Money Saving Christmas Gift Planner before you leave the house.

© 2011 by Dave Ramsey. Dave Ramsey’s Thoughts on Holiday Shopping, You Don’t Have to Go In Debt to Celebrate. All Rights Reserved. Originally published at www.daveramsey.com.

I asked my wife, Susan, to share one of our Thanksgiving traditions as a family for today’s blog post. I hope you and your family have plans to relax and remember what truly matters most during this holiday season. Here’s a little bit more about what we do as a family.

Thanksgiving is steeped with aroma, more than any other holiday I know. I can smell Thanksgiving. And I hope my children will have that fragrance of roasting turkey and bubbling apple pie imprinted on their brains, too.

However, Thanksgiving is more than just food and I was afraid that we were missing that. As my children aged (especially the girls) we were going straight from the dinner table to plotting a materialistic strategy for Black Friday shopping.

Thanksgiving is steeped with tradition. The tradition of food (we had that one down), but also a history rich with thanks to God, love for family, and desire for freedom.

How can we refocus our hearts and minds from food to family? I needed a solution that would be easier than the dinner. But I wanted to make the moments of reflection as sweet a memory in my children’s minds as that apple pie!

So here is what we did and here is how easy it is for you! I researched the history of Thanksgiving – it is so rich. We formatted it into story cards. It is very easy to use and a great way to turn Thanksgiving into a delightful time of…

THANKS

Consider this the whipped cream on your pumpkin pie!

Thanksgiving Story Cards

These are the story cards.  They tell the real story!  Things I never knew about that first feast.  Very intriguing.  Everybody picks a card (there are 12) and so everyone has a part in telling the story.

Did you know that the first Pilgrim to die was baby Oceanus?

Do you know what “Pilgrim” means and how they got their name?

Some of the cards are a bit tricky to read (especially for eyes over 50)  because the Pilgrims like to use an f where we put an s.

Thanksgiving Share Cards These are the sharing cards.  You put the name of one guest on each card.  Everyone picks a card and fills it out about the person they chose.  Then everyone takes turns sharing how they are thankful.  Precious.  Especially for the grandparents.  They love to hear the children share about them.

You can download all of the cards with one hit of the print button including instructions at http://www.imom.com/tools/seasonal/thanksgiving-story-cards/.

Happy Thanksgiving!

As I was sitting with Jim Caldwell, Head Coach of the Indianapolis Colts, in his office, he shared with me how he wrote many letters to his daughter in college, but she never said anything to him about it when they spoke on the phone or when they saw each other. He wondered if she ever even read them.  Then, one day when Jim was visiting her in her dorm room, he saw all of the letters he had written her opened and proudly posted on her bulletin board! Your children may not express their enthusiasm about your notes or even acknowledge getting them, but know that your notes to them will impact their lives and always be remembered.

Over the years, I’ve made it a practice to write notes to each of my children. I’d like to share the kinds of notes I’ve written and then show you how you can write those notes to your children as well. If you don’t feel like you’re the writing type, or don’t know what to say, I’m going to try to give you some ideas and specific things you can say in your notes. Some of these notes you’ll write one time; others will be notes you’ll want to write on an ongoing basis when you can.

Here are the 7 Notes that you should write to your children

1. Love note. This is a note where you express your unconditional love to your children for who they are and validate their wonderful gifts. You can read what I wrote to my children in my How to win your Child’s Heart blog post.

2. Lunch box notes. Another way to uplift our children is to slip them a note in their lunchbox. My wife, Susan, and I found that just simply letting them know we’re thinking of them will encourage them through the day. Not sure of what to write? How about, “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” “Have a great day,” or “Hope your test goes well.” You can even surprise them with a “Let’s go for ice cream after school” note. I’ve got some free, downloadable lunchbox notes you can use to get started.

3. Post-It notes. You can write little notes to your kids on yellow sticky notes and put them on their mirror, dresser, notebook or anywhere you want. Like lunchbox notes, these post-its are just quick words of encouragement to your kids. You might just say something like, “Way to go. An “A” in math! Awesome!” or “That was so nice that you encouraged your brother when he was down.” You can check out my Love your Family with Post-Its blog to see how we do it in our home.

4. Pillow Talk notes. As our children were growing up, Susan began to feel as if all communication with them was becoming instructional or disciplinary. So one time, she grabbed a spiral notebook, wrote a note to one of our daughters praising her for a nice thing she did for her sister and put it on her pillow. To my wife’s surprise, my daughter wrote back and placed the journal on her pillow. As a result, Susan developed the Pillow Talk journal so parents, like you, can write short notes of encouragement to their kids when they desire. 

5. Forgiveness notes. Every parent makes mistakes in child-rearing. And every parent should ask their child to forgive them for those mistakes.  Sometimes a verbal, “I was wrong, would you please forgive me?” is appropriate. Other times, a written letter to your child is the way to go. Write to Right a Wrong.

6. Blessing note.  There is something inside every child that makes that child crave a good word from his or her parents. When we bless our child, we are placing our “seal of approval” upon them and giving them power to prosper in many areas of life, including marriage, children, finances, health and career. In addition to writing a note of blessing, you can also have a blessing ceremony.

7. College and Career note. Another thing I’ve done for my children is to memorialize, in writing, the most important things I tried to instill in them as they were growing up. Three of our five children are now in college or working.  Before they left our nest, there were four things that Susan and I taught them and always want them to remember. Here are the four things I penned to each of them.

I hope these ideas will help you get started on writing notes to your children. If you have any creative ideas that you have used with your children, I’d love to hear them!

It seems like my wife Susan and I are constantly saying “no” to our children.  “No, you cannot watch that movie.” “No, you cannot spend the night out tonight.” “No, you cannot go to that party.”  And it’s often a good thing to say “no” to our children, especially when something is not what’s best for them.  But it’s also good to say “yes” to our children whenever we can. I am always searching for more ways to say “yes.” So, every time one of my kids asks me to do something with them, I do my best to figure out how to make it happen even though it’s inconvenient or even though I had other plans, because I really enjoy being with them.

A few weeks ago on a Saturday night, my 16 year old son got home and asked me to go get a hamburger with him.  I was tired and ready for bed, but realized that I might not get this opportunity again for a while, especially if I turned him down.  So, I said “yes.”

On another occasion, I arrived home from work and was looking forward to my work out. As I was getting ready to exercise, my 19 year old daughter asked me to go with her to the mall. Of course, I changed my plans and said “yes.”

By the way, to be a “yes” parent, you need to be an available parent. If you’re not there when your kids want to do something with you, you’ll miss opportunities that may not come your way again.

What do you do to be a “yes” parent?