Confession: My Wife and I Struggle Too


My wife, Susan, previously penned a guest post on my blog titled Confession: My Husband and I Struggle Too. In that post, she shared, in a kind but transparent way, some struggles she has with me.  Well, some of you commented that you wanted to hear about some of the ways I struggle with Susan. At first, I was a bit reluctant to write about it because I don’t want this blog to be a “tit for tat” or “she says, he says.” But, the reason I can write about it is because Susan is such an amazing person—she is a passionate mom to our five kids, leads our iMOM team at Family First, and pursues life with great purpose. And, I am immeasurably blessed to be her husband. So, after asking Susan, I decided that it may help some of you for me to also share some challenging areas in our marriage and in parenting. So, here you go…some ways I struggle with Susan.

Struggle #1. Susan always understands what she is saying to me but I sometimes don’t understand what she is saying to me. She’ll sometimes say things like, “You just need to understand me better” or “You don’t know me” or “I need you to be kind” or “You just don’t get it.” Those kinds of statements do not compute with me. I need her to give me specifics on exactly what I should do. In other words, give me the orders and I’ll march!

Struggle #2. I’m a wordsmith who deals in the concrete. She’s a conceptualist that deals in the abstract. I pay attention to every word that comes out of Susan’s mouth and then dissect it. She doesn’t want me to tear apart her words, she just wants me to pay attention to the idea that she’s trying to convey to me.

Struggle #3. I’m not chatty. I only have so many words in a day and then I’m done. After that, all you’ll get from me are strange animal-like noises. Susan enjoys virtually unlimited conversation and speaks 100 words a minute with gusts up to 150.

Struggle # 4. My love language is physical touch. Susan’s is words of encouragement. I don’t seem to be a natural encourager and, as Susan said in her guest post, she is not on the same plane physically as me.

Struggle #5. I have a strong personality, Susan does too. Enough said.

During our 24 years of marriage there has been some thunder and lightning over these struggles, but we’re learning how to love one another better on those cloudy days and to have an attitude of gratitude on the sunny ones. I am so thankful I have Susan to walk side by side with me through all kinds of weather and all seasons of life.

How do you and your spouse struggle? How have you worked through those challenges?

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