Infidelity is as old as marriage. As long as people have joined together, there has always been a potential for one of the partners to look outside of the marriage for something they feel is lacking within. Let me just say again that there is NEVER a valid reason to cheat on a spouse. Instead, I want to draw your attention to possible areas that your spouse needs. The most common reason that husbands and wives stray is lacking in one of these areas. If you know potential areas of weakness, you can strengthen them and allow your marriage to not only survive, but to thrive for a lifetime.
What She Needs |
What He Needs |
| 1. She needs to know that you love her. She wants you to tell her and to mean it. A common misconception and punch line is that, “I told you I loved you when I married you. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.” That’s funny as a joke, but your wife won’t be laughing at home. Tell her you love her. |
1. He needs your respect. There is a need for men to be seen as a hero. As someone who is strong and courageous. A protector. A man needs to be needed. Be sure to tell your husband how much you admire him. |
| 2. She needs to feel appreciated. For taking care of the kids. For preparing meals. For taking care of the laundry. For fixing boo-boos. For cleaning up after everyone. For all the things that she does to make your house a home. She doesn’t need to be heralded with a sky-writer or have a big deal made of these things, but she just needs to know that you see all the things she does and that you appreciate it. |
2. He needs sex. I can’t put it any more simply. Men love sex. Men crave it. And they go crazy when they do not get it. Never withhold sex for too long to “punish” him and be sure to let him know what you like and what you don’t. Instruct him on what turns you on and off so you can enjoy intimacy as well. |
| 3. She needs some time for relaxation and reflection. She loves you and the kids. She loves to provide and take care of all of you. But she needs to recharge every once in a while. Give her the opportunity to have 30 minutes of uninterrupted time alone to let her read a book, take a bath, go for a walk. And whatever you do, don’t refer to caring for your children as “babysitting.” |
3. He needs time alone and with buddies. Similar to #3 on her list, men need time to blow off steam and unwind from a stressful work day. It can be easy for a wife to overload her husband with her problems when he walks through the door, so be sure to give him some time to decompress as well. |
| 4. She needs time with you. You are the love of her life. She married you because she genuinely likes you and enjoys spending time with you. That doesn’t change because you got married and had children. Spending time with her alone tells her that she’s still your best friend and first priority. |
4. He needs a purpose. Men are hard-wired to live for things greater than themselves. And when a man is out of a job or in a career he despises, he withers. If your husband is in this situation, encourage him to take a step of faith and do what he was created to do, not just punch a time clock. |
| 5. She needs your affection. It isn’t just men who love and need physical intimacy. She needs and wants that, too. But she also needs physical affection that doesn’t necessarily culminate in sex. Hold her hand. Put your arm around her. Stroke her hair. Cuddle together as you sit on the couch. Your physical touch free of ulterior motives tells her she’s desirable and connected to you. |
5. He needs your prayers. Many men struggle with asking for help—both yours and God’s. Pray for your husband and encourage your husband to pray with you. Let him take the lead sometimes even if it’s awkward. |
