Posted on: June 8, 2012

Check Your Motives before You Make Decisions for Your Kids

check your motives__thumb

 

Every day, I am making decisions, directly or indirectly, relating to my kids.  To make the best decision possible for them, I need to check my motives first. In other words, I need to constantly ask myself, “Why am I making this decision?”  Here are a few ways you and I can check our motives as we make decisions for our kids.

Ask yourself if this decision is really best for your child long term or if it is a short-term fix that is convenient for you.

Consider whether this activity is something your child will enjoy or just something you’d like to do.

Evaluate whether making this decision will make you more or less available to your child.

Think through whether this decision will help build your relationship with your child’s mother or tear it down.

Consider how this decision will affect your other children. Ask yourself if you are showing favoritism.

What are some of the ways you have found success in making decisions for your kids? I’d love to hear your feedback.

  • http://DaddyLife.net/ Hank Osborne

    I like the first item comparing short-term to long-term. I like life skill building activities like swimming, camping, and music. Your second point also hits home but I tweak this one a little and add “is it good for them?”. Sometimes we encourage our kids to do things we believe to be good for them even though they might not enjoy it as much as an alternative activity.  

    We set family goals and filter decisions through those golas. For instance we have a goal to eat dinner together as a family six nights a week. One day is available for mom and dad to go on a date. ;-) So if a decision to participate in activities will prevent us from having dinner together as a family then we have our answer. We put a premium on spending time together as a family.   

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    Hank, good point on “is it good for them?” Thanks for your thoughts.

  • Ctowngirl86

    Should I choose my childs sports? My son is going into High school and the wrestling coaches are already calling to get him on board. However, he has been leaning on Basketball, where no coaches have pursued him. He has done both sports and has been succesful in both but the only reason he stands out in basketball is frankly because he is with a team that is not good. Therefore, he looks like a great player. In a school like ours, he won’t play varsity or have much playing time at all until maybe his junior or senior year. He is small and built more like a wrestler.  My motivation is that I don’t want him to get frustrated and quit doing sports altogether. I also don’t want him to have any regrest looking back. There are not many opportunities where coaches are begging to work with you.        Not to mention that my brother is one of the wrestling coaches and he sees so much potential.
    How do I figure this one out?