Posted on: April 27, 2011

7 Truths about Marriage

 

Susan and I have been married for 22 years.  I’ve learned so much from her and with her during our life together. Here are 7 truths I’ve learned about marriage.

Truth #1. Marriage is not just about two people; it’s about two people becoming one flesh.

Truth #2. Marriage is not just “for better,” it’s also “for worse.”

Truth #3. Marriage is not always a stroll in the park; it’s a front-line battle in the world.

Truth #4. Marriage is not a 50-50 partnership, it’s a 100%-100% give it all you’ve got relationship.

Truth #5. Marriage is not just about happiness, it’s about holiness.

Truth #6. Marriage is not about getting from your spouse, it’s about giving to your spouse.

Truth #7. Marriage is not a quick sprint, it’s a lifetime marathon.

What truths can you share with me about marriage?

  • Gary

    The one thing I’ve learned about marriage both through experience and observation is that:

    Marriage is about mutual RESPECT for one another…at all times.

    Respect your spouse, and you won’t make many of the mistakes that we tend to make otherwise (putting him/her down, lack of patience, pet peeves getting on your nerves, etc.).

    By the way, I love the daily emails from Family First and All Pro Dad! They’re fantastic. Thanks for a great service, Mark.

  • Gary

    The one thing I’ve learned about marriage both through experience and observation is that:

    Marriage is about mutual RESPECT for one another…at all times.

    Respect your spouse, and you won’t make many of the mistakes that we tend to make otherwise (putting him/her down, lack of patience, pet peeves getting on your nerves, etc.).

    By the way, I love the daily emails from Family First and All Pro Dad! They’re fantastic. Thanks for a great service, Mark.

  • Gary

    The one thing I’ve learned about marriage both through experience and observation is that:

    Marriage is about mutual RESPECT for one another…at all times.

    Respect your spouse, and you won’t make many of the mistakes that we tend to make otherwise (putting him/her down, lack of patience, pet peeves getting on your nerves, etc.).

    By the way, I love the daily emails from Family First and All Pro Dad! They’re fantastic. Thanks for a great service, Mark.

  • Gary

    The one thing I’ve learned about marriage both through experience and observation is that:

    Marriage is about mutual RESPECT for one another…at all times.

    Respect your spouse, and you won’t make many of the mistakes that we tend to make otherwise (putting him/her down, lack of patience, pet peeves getting on your nerves, etc.).

    By the way, I love the daily emails from Family First and All Pro Dad! They’re fantastic. Thanks for a great service, Mark.

  • Gary

    The one thing I’ve learned about marriage both through experience and observation is that:

    Marriage is about mutual RESPECT for one another…at all times.

    Respect your spouse, and you won’t make many of the mistakes that we tend to make otherwise (putting him/her down, lack of patience, pet peeves getting on your nerves, etc.).

    By the way, I love the daily emails from Family First and All Pro Dad! They’re fantastic. Thanks for a great service, Mark.

  • Gary

    The one thing I’ve learned about marriage both through experience and observation is that:

    Marriage is about mutual RESPECT for one another…at all times.

    Respect your spouse, and you won’t make many of the mistakes that we tend to make otherwise (putting him/her down, lack of patience, pet peeves getting on your nerves, etc.).

    By the way, I love the daily emails from Family First and All Pro Dad! They’re fantastic. Thanks for a great service, Mark.

  • Ljbadb

    I have been married May 10, 2011 will be 48 yrs. Now that he is sick and wants nothing to do with me or our business and home life; due to being sick for the past 9 months. I love this guy with all my heart, but the name calling, angry attitude and no encouragement. I work our business three days a week/ and a 36 hrs at another job (for the insurance I pay for there to cover both of us). Cost too much at our business. Now he is coming home from rehab and has chosen to live in one of our apartments instead of coming home. I have always been faithful and be there for him for the past 48 yrs. I am really upset as to why he has chosen to go somewhere besides our home. I just needed to express my feelings, thank you for listening. All the things in the article happens to most of us. ljb

  • querty

    My heart hurts for your pain, as I am familiar with similar feelings. I try to remember that it was when Peter (walking on water) stopped looking at Jesus and started looking to the wind, waves & storm around him, that Peter started to sink.

    And WHEN I do (not if) start to sink, I try to remember quickly to call upon Jesus to pull me back up like He did for Peter.

    Problem I struggle with is sometimes I like the drowning feeling, and don’t call on Jesus as quickly as I should……

    I hope this helps you some.
    God Bless!

  • Deede

    One of the most important things and the hardest is, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, if you do not love them unconditionally, get out, let them go to find someone who will and at the same time, you will find someone you will.

  • Deede

    One of the most important things and the hardest is, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, if you do not love them unconditionally, get out, let them go to find someone who will and at the same time, you will find someone you will.

  • Jason1myers

    I’m sorry. You seem like a strong person, having more developed character traits. With this capacity you have…my suggestion is for you to help your husband find another job that he can work 5 days a week. One that would help him get into a routine with daily accountability. Like showing up to work on time, a delivery route, pizza delivery, a cashier, customer service rep, etc… Men need to work in order to feel like they are contributing and providing for their family.

    Right now, self-employment is not the right work to help him break negative thought patterns and emotional cycles. Self-employment requires greater depth of character and positive energy.

    God bless you dear sister. Visualize the end results you hope for as you continue actively doing what you feel prompted to do. Good luck.

  • Iloveicbc

    just went through a divorce after 7 years of marriage. My ex did not understand that marriage is WORK and because he wasn’t happy, wasn’t willing to do anything to fix our problems. Things were bad but I would have given anything to work it out. I’m now in a relationship with a man who was in my same shoes and understands all these truths. In fact, the first time I heard the 100%-100% concept of marriage was from him. I am looking forward to battling with him against anything this world can throw at us. It will not all be sunshine and roses but it will be what we make of it. Thank you for your wisdom from the experience “sticking it out” gives.

  • ljb

    Thank you. I feel that sometimes and I do exactly as you said. I know God is there and I call on Him often. Without Him this past yr I don’t know where I would be. Husband was diagnosed in Sept 2010 and in hospital last yr five diferent times. Getting out of rehab then 12/31/10, my Mother that had lived with us for 16 yrs past away 12/27/2010, funeral on 12/21/10. So, I know my strength comes the Lord. Husband done good until March 22, 2011. His mind is so angry and unhappy.
    Yes, even after this unconditional love is what I have for him. Thanks for your comment and feelings.

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    Love and respect are key, Gary…thanks for your encouragement about the daily emails.

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    lloveicbc, you are so welcome. I’m so pleased that you know that marriage is a 100%-100% give it all you’ve got relationship.

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    Deede, unconditional love is vital! It’s also vital to be committed in our marriages for life and be willing to persevere “for better or for worse.”

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    Ljbadb, your love and commitment to your husband really show. I’m so sorry to hear of your pain. I hope and pray for a transformation in your relationship. As you persevere, remember that our most important rewards await us in Heaven.

  • Aidansfire2

    In my 12 years of marriage I’ve learned to focus on the good times forget about the hard times and never forget that it is a life long commitment not just “today”

    NSB

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    Aidansfire2, it’s certainly a life-long commitment, is’nt it?!

  • Rchambers325

    In 21 years of marriage I have learned that you can’t change your spouse. I’ve learned to change me. The 100% -100% concept I believe in but found reality says it should average out to 100%. No one will or can give 100% all the time. Also there are seasons in marriage. When it’s good enjoy and relish every minute. When it’s bad hold on with the tightest grip. Lastly, pray everyday for your spouse. Even when they make you irate. It will be hard but God will give you the strength and what to pray for.

  • http://www.healingheartscounseling.org Danavince

    In the busy chaos of every day life (especially with raising children) it is so important to take time out for the marriage and make it a priority to nourish on a regular basis.

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    Rchambers…some good points…thanks for sharing.

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    Danavince, you got that right!

  • Aussie Lindsay

    There is a great book: “The Five Love Needs of Men and Women” (2000) G & B Rosberg. (by the way … not Love Languages). This book has lots of good Christian stuff, but two things stood out to me. Firstly, there are three entities … the partnership, and two individuals. Each needs some space. That is, you need to look after yourselves (health, happiness etc) as well as the commitment to each other. It also needs to be an even spread of effort amd time. Secondly, each partner needs to show interest and support for the passions of the other partner. If she likes arts and craft, he should show some support and interest. If he likes some footy, she show the some interest, too. There should, however, NOT be an unequal balance. (So guys …. you should NOT watch sport all the time. Matbe just a bit).

    I found this advice great for my marraige of 27 years.

  • Msmadd72

    II love all of these & I really had to learn about #3 & 6 and relearn til I understood completely! I’m greatful everyday that God guided me thru my sorrows and led me to much happiness. I believe in order to achieve all this you must believe in yourselves ,let go of all past sorrows, quit being selfish & truly believe in God & your marriage. Never lose hope…everything always happens for a reason season or time.

  • Lloydndestini

    Marriage is about finding someone who compliments each other, not supplement.

  • mhcnc

    Thanks for that perfect reminder and challenge. All of us Peter’s do to often focus on the storm rather than the One who calms all. Jesus truly does guide us through everyone learning opportunity in life. And He showed us how to love, forgive, and trust. Thanks Querty.

  • querty

    You are welcome! I know I will need this reminder often as well!!! (-:

  • Ed

    Marriage is not about changing your spouse to be who you want them to be but it is allowing God to change you both.

  • Tthurlow

    I’ve been married for 24 years this July, and see more clearly the need for aggressive unconditional forgiveness….as one of the top three keys to success…in any relationship, but especially marriage.
    Aggressive in the sense that the husband initiates it, or if the wife does, the husband responds assertively to it. Perhaps the best book (outside of God’s Word) I have read on grace and forgiveness is “What’s so amazing about grace”. When one realizes the depth of God’s love, grace, kindness and forgiveness to His people – and even towards those who are yet to be reconcilled, it can melt away the barriers to having greater patience, forgiveness, etc to and with our spouses. TMT

  • Bob

    I have interest to the comments above about committment, love, respect, etc.

    However, I have not seen my situation discussed. We have been married 43 miserable years. No children and no adopted children as I begged of her after I returned from military duty.

    I saw sex as the most sacred bond between a married man and his wife.

    Yet as my belief and the Bible kept me solid against her transgressions and her anger toward me for being what I was. I was klinefelters and bipolar. For every year of the marriage she avoided me sexually and had sexual relations with other over 100 hundred wealthy men.

    I came to understand women who have wealthy men as sexual partiners, tend to be wealthy too.
    She is far more wealthier than most people with degrees and retired on pensions. Her wealth exceeds my money at least 1000%

    Now in retirement, I accept her the way she is, and I told her I want her same freedom. I will have female friends in my life without her meddiling.

    We have a division between us. I seek other women so I might never die without loving a woman. It is a complicated arrangement, which I find near difficult to explain to my new women friends.

    When I discovered on the day of my marriage in 1968 as a 2nt Lt USAF, God fixed my body so I may never have relations with a woman. I was virgin at the alter. I remain virgin. I will be virgin until I die.

    I pray to God and Jesus for one outcome. I want to be a psychologist at the PhD level and live to 96, at least. I want to use my intelligence to help others in their belief and via rational thought.

  • Abby Stalvey

    I go hunting with him… He goes shopping with me… We try to take time to do the things the other enjoys even when we don’t have the passion for it!

  • Jacobasky

    I want to personally thank you, Mark, for your work to promote the blessings and happiness that can occur when we are committed to our marriages and families. It is nice to see that there are some many good and sincere people that defend marriage and the family as a sacred and basic institution of society despite the attack that is being waged against the family. 

    Again, thank you very much for what you are doing. I commend your efforts and admire your work.

    Sincerely,
    Jacob

  • Bthomp9

    Seek first to understand and then to be understood.

    Proverbs 18:13 is the basis for this statement. 

  • Joppie

     I agree 100%, Gary

  • Jo_1

    Truth #8. Marriage is not an automatic grant of entitlements.  You (husband or wife) are not granted any entitlements with a marriage.  Where would we be if Jesus expected entitlements?  Scenario: Once we delivered what Jesus deserved, due to what he has done for us, then he would provide “Grace”?  Thank the Lord he didn’t consider conditions for his actions; otherwise we would all be in a bad place for eternity.
     
    Truth #9.  Marriage is not a free assumption to know what your spouse is thinking.  You may be able to predict what your spouse may do based on past experiencessituations, but you cannot know what your spouse is thinking.  I have in the past, thought, “She must be do this because she is mad at me for whatever.” assuming what she was thinking (negatively).  I realize that I can’t know her thoughts and have been creating more problems for myself.  Satan loves to whisper in your ear, “Surely she is doing that to get back at you.  You know what she is thinking and that isn’t fair to you!”  Listen to Jesus and sanctify.
     
    In my opinion, mankind cannot love others without a Jesus’ filter.  I must walk with the Word and have a daily dialect with my father in heaven, creating a loving filter around me, in order to “sanctify” my spouse.  Then and only then can I love her unconditionally, without expecting anything in return; just has Jesus did for us.  Jesus was a servant, should we not also try to follow?