Is Your Spouse Annoying You?

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Is your spouse annoying you?  Before marriage, opposites attract.  After marriages, opposites attack.  What was once appealing is now annoying!

Before Susan and I got married over 21 years ago, she was attracted to me for my decisiveness and strong will.  As the years have gone by, those qualities sometimes bother her.  At this stage in her life, she’s looking for more empathy and understanding, not a bull in the china shop.

Before marriage, I was attracted to Susan for her creativeness and do everything attitude; now that messy demeanor and busyness all the time can annoy me. I want more order in the house.  I want more of her time and attention

So, what should we do?  Have a standoff for the rest of our life together?  Of course not.  We should remember and appreciate those qualities we first saw in our spouse.  At the same time, we can share with them that we are in a different season of life where we desire more patience, kindness, or ________________ (fill in the blank).  We also need to be willing to work on changing some things in our own behavior to meet the wishes of our spouse at this stage in our relationship.

Please note that the point here is not to create unrealistic expectations for our spouse or them for us.  We don’t have the power to change them, nor them us. Also, realize that it may be a long process for the change to take place.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • HB

    As we go through life, our needs, desires and attitudes change. The goal is to have open communication and the willingness to realize that people have to change and grow. Relationships are just that; a constantly growing and evolving life.

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    HB, that’s right! Thanks for your thoughts.

  • Angela

    I think the problem also comes when you start comparing yourself and what you have with other people, because you may see the “better” things other marriages may have it does not mean they have a perfect relationship… so then you start looking at your husband’s faults more than his qualities… Whenever I start thinking that way I use my mental eraser and start thinking about all the great things he does and how good he is.

  • Wes

    Heard a pastor once state that a man marries a woman thinking she’ll never change and a woman marries a man thinking she will be able to change him. Not sure if this is God’s infinite humor or not but seems to end up the opposite in most cases…the man is frustrated because the woman changes and the woman gets frustrated because the man doesn’t.

  • PL Benn

    Spouses annoy each other because of the close proximity which is the “nature of the beast”, so to speak; both the joy of marriage and the bane. Allowing each other space to just “be,” as well as space to grow, is the key to a long and happy marriage. Encouraging each other is part of that communication piece, as well as honesty when something bothers either person; not accusing, but expressing the feelings you yourself are dealing with makes these conversations easier and more fruitful. Just my thoughts…

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    Thanks for joining the conversation all!

  • Agjacobo

    What if the qualities that attracted you to your partner are not there anymore? People can change and expect differently in time. Sometimes people put on a front before marriage and then expect differently after marriage.

  • Leah Christensen

    I sent this to my husband. I have mentioned many times that there is absolutely no excuse for yelling. Believe it or not, I’ve never yelled at anyone on my life. Go ahead. Ask my mother, my sister, my Hubby, my friends, anyone. I know what it’s like to be yelled at, and why should I go do that to someone else? Also, if I were to lose control and yell at someone, my mention of the point that yelling is unacceptable would not be valid, because I’d be unable to follow my own advice.

  • Leah Christensen

    Yeah! Hubby and I live in a 500 squarefood studio apartment. I don’t think we can get any closer than that! LOL We make sure to tak time out, though. There are some shows in the afternoons that he loves but I hate. However, I love my time at a favourite cafe, so from 4-6 I’m there 6 days a week! :) The other 22 hours of the day, we enjo together. A couple of weeks ago, I took off for two days in NYC, just because I’ve always wanted to go, and he has lived there, and hates the city. Had a great time! Next week there is an event that he wants to go to, which doesn’t interest me. However, it’s within a mile of our favourite hotel in Canada. WE are going to go, and while he is running around the convention, I’m going to run around downtown Toronto. We’ll be together for breakfast, dinner, and of course all the “married fun” of spending two nights in a hotel. :) Just because we’re in love 24/7 doesn’t mean we need to be together 24/7.