Posted on: March 1, 2011

Parenting as a Good Listener

 

Everyone loves a good listener. If you’re interested in becoming a better listener to your child, spouse or friend, here are a few ideas.

First, give them your full attention and look them in the eyes so they know that you care about what they are saying—those phone calls and text messages will just have to wait.

Second, watch their body language and understand how they are feeling—are they glad, sad, angry, afraid, or ashamed?

Third, think about what they are saying instead of how you are going to respond.

Fourth, summarize what they are saying. You might say something like, “So, what I hear you saying is such and such.”

Fifth, ask open-ended questions, not questions that solicit just a “yes” or “no” answer.  And don’t use the word why— “Why can’t you…?” “Why didn’t you…?” “Why aren’t you…?”  The word “why” can seem accusatory.  Instead, begin with words what, when, where, or how. Especially ask about their feeling, “How did that make you feel?”

What do you think makes a good listener?

  • Roldan Margarita

    It will take a few tries to be a good listener, it’s so easy to ask the “why” question and to try to fix the problem…difficult! but not impossible.

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    Roldan, thanks for sharing.

  • susan

    These are excellent suggestions, and they do really work. I work in the juvenile courts where getting kids to open up about not just the reasons they are there, but about the long sad histories that led them to their sad situations, rely heavily upon these kinds of open questions. Deep listening helps us in the courts to learn about what lies beneath, and often lead to the child’s greater self-awareness and reflection on how they might turn his/her life around, and ultimately repair the harm of their actions.

    Susan

  • Priscillavincent

    Lord help me to apply this ti my daily life .