Posted on: January 25, 2011

Avoid Arguments with Good Timing

 

Soon after my wife, Susan, and I were married, we made a discovery.  It seemed like most of our arguments were at night…when we were tired and irritable from a long day.  So, we set a nine o’ clock curfew on serious discussions.  We found that it really helps.  Now, when we get into a heavy talk after nine, we remind each other that it’s late, we’re not going to resolve anything tonight and we can talk about it tomorrow.  And you know what?  The next morning we’re usually refreshed and can talk about things calmly or decide that it wasn’t that important to begin with.

So you can avoid a lot of arguments with your spouse if you wisely choose when you will have serious discussions.  A good rule of thumb is to avoid settings that are already tense—getting the kids to school in the morning, when you’re dealing with plumbing problems or right when your spouse walks in the door after work.  Instead, choose a time when you’re both rested, when you have some peace and quiet, and when the other person is open to having a serious discussion.

And here’s something else to keep in mind—don’t mix business with pleasure.  In other words, you don’t want to bring up heavy topics when you and your spouse are having a fun time or are in friendship mode.  If you’re out together for your first date night in months, or you’re finally having a little cuddle time on the couch, don’t even venture into potential areas of conflict.

  • http://e1evation.com Todd Lohenry

    Thanks for upgrading your blog and social media — this is MUCH better and now I can actually share your content more effectively…

  • Melanie Robbins

    Great suggestions! I’m going to implement the 9:00 rule. So appreciate you and your wife’s ministry. It is a tremendous blessing. I’ve been gone for awhile as I’ve been preparing to lead a parenting seminar. May God richly bless you and your family as you serve God and others through your ministry!

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    Todd, glad to hear it! Thanks for joining in!

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    Welcome back, Melanie and congrats on your parenting seminar!

  • Sheik Salim

    Great advice but not always practical, especially when you have young children. Kids sometimes are always arguing about something and you as parents must intervene. The result sometimes create conflicts between the parents especially when it comes to discipline. Unless both parents maintain consistency,conflicts will arise and the marriage eventually gets affected.

  • http://www.FamilyMinute.com/ Mark Merrill

    Sheik, I do realize that there are often exceptions to the advice I give. Real life does not always cooperate with short blog posts! Thanks for joining the conversation.

  • Ksuflame

    I am reading “The Five Languages of Apology” by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. This is a great book for anyone. It will help you to learn how to apologize to eachother and others and to heal your relationships.

  • Ksuflame

    I am reading “The Five Languages of Apology” by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. This is a great book for anyone. It will help you to learn how to apologize to eachother and others and to heal your relationships.

  • http://www.purposeful-parenting.com Melanie Robbins

    Thanks, Mark! I really appreciate it. Would you and/or your wife ever consider contributing articles/posts to my parenting website by chance? :) You both have such godly wisdom and I know Passionate Purposeful Parenting readers would greatly benefit from it.

  • Heather D.

    I would just like to say thank you for your wise words of advise. I am a 33 yr old wife and mother to one beautiful little 2yr old boy and I have found that the words you share are ones to live by. I wold also like to say that though I was born catholic, baptised, confirmed and raised in the church over the years I have grown distant from the church. I still believe in god, don’t get me wrong but am not religious by any stretch of the word. These post of yours are forwarded to me from my mother-in-law. She is a wonderful woman and deeply committed to god and I think decided that she is going to save me from myself if its the last thing she does. With words like these she might just do it. I have to say that even someone like me who has taken her own path spiritually can benefit from the family oriented advise you give here. So thank you for sharing the life lessons you have learned. I will continue to pay attention and be open minded. You do this in a way that makes all of feel welcome and I thank you for that. Grateful Mom & Wife!!!! Peace (=o)