Posted on: January 3, 2011

10 Things Husbands Want to Hear from their Wives

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Mark Twain once commented, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”  I agree.  There is nothing like specific and detailed praise and validation to energize a marriage.  After some research here at Family First, we found the 10 things husbands want to hear most from their wives.  And if we missed one, please post your idea in the comments section below.

1. “I love being your wife.”

As simple as it sounds, husbands want to know that their wives are content in their marriage, and truly enjoy just being with them.  When is the last time you thanked your husband for marrying you?  Don’t just assume he knows.  Tell him!

2. “You’re an outstanding father.”

Deep in the heart of every man is the desire to be seen as a hero—especially to his children.  Specifically tell your husband why he is your kids’ hero.  And, tonight at dinner, tell your children why he is so special.

3. “I’m really attracted to you.  You are the man!”

It’s a myth that women are always more looks-conscious than men.  As guys’ hairlines begin to recede and stomachs start protruding, they can become quite sensitive about their appearance.  Never joke about how your husband looks.  Tell him he’s “hot” and how attracted you are to him.

4. “I really respect the decision you made.”

When a man makes a decision, especially a tough one, he doesn’t want his wife being critical of it or questioning him about it.  He wants to know that his wife is behind him and admires his ability to make good decisions.

5. “I know how important it is to live within our means.  I’m with you on this.”

Your husband is concerned about the future of your family.  So that means he is concerned about taking care of his family financially.  Having a wife he can rely on to spend and save wisely is a tremendous comfort to him.

6. “I’m so grateful for your spiritual leadership.”

All of us are hardwired for a relationship with God, and many men want to be seen as the spiritual caretakers of their families.  Encourage your husband in his faith and for taking his role as a spiritual leader seriously.

7. “You are so wise.”

Many men are born problem solvers and relish the process of thinking through something and arriving at a solution.  This, incidentally, is why your husband is always trying to “fix” your problems when all you want him to do is listen.  Recognizing your husband’s mental prowess and complimenting him on his intelligence will pay massive dividends to you.  Emphasize to him that you trust his wise judgment.

8. “I appreciate how hard you work to provide for our family.”

There are many things in life that your husband cannot control, but one he can control is effort.  It brings him great pleasure to work hard and see the results.  To directly control, and be the man responsible for creating something from nothing thrills him.  Encourage his great work ethic.

9. “Thank you very much for helping me with that.”

When a man serves his wife, he wants her to recognize it.  A simple “thank you” is all he needs.

10. “I’m impressed with how you handled that situation.”

Sometimes a wife will point out when her husband does not handle something well.  So when he handles a particularly difficult situation well, let him know.

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  • Fastlittlemom

    It would be nice if this is all it took.Some men/husbands don’t believe in “feelings”. Although they are allowed to have them, the wife is not. If the wife does, they are being “whiney”. I am by far a whiney person. In fact, I ask nothing of my husband–I never wanted to be thought of as a “nag”. He gets to live his life as he pleases. After 15 years of marriage, doing exactly as the Lord has asked of me, continually praising my husband and sacrificing everything I have to meet his requests and getting nothing but demands and critisism in return, I once asked for a little in return. Bad mistake. To some men, their wives are only there to be silent “slaves”. How do you work with that.

  • guest

    Coming from a woman who grew up in a military family, I have to say this list is pathetic.  My father would be furious if my mom said that it was important to “Live within our means!”  That’s a slap in the face!  Real MEN don’t need to hear any of these things because they know it’s true.  Except for the Spiritual Leadership.  That is not a man’s job. 

  • Smilinpeg

     Alert to SERVE?  Ummm, not in MY life.  Equal partnership, and none of us serve the other.  This is so mid-evil!

  • http://twitter.com/danishcanadian Leah Christensen

    AGREED!!!! My husband and I work like two oxen pulling a cart; literally being evenly yolked. Tradition goes out the window in our marriage. He’s awesome in the kitchen, I’m awesome with the chequebook! We’re both legally blind. He can only see distances, I can only see close up. We give and we take, and we give it our all. And all this stuff about the man being the spiritual leader? NO WAY! Again, we’re evenly yolked. I’m not going to let another human being take charge of my spiritual life, nor would I, as a human, take charge of another’s We talk a lot about our religious beliefs, and we share about 99% of the, but ultimately our relationships with God are OUR OWN.

  • http://www.facebook.com/cheryl.barba Cheryl Barba

    You have a great deal to learn about being in a married, loving relationship. I used to ‘think’ the same way, and then I read and began to understand God’s plan for a marriage; Ephesians 5:21-33. After 44 years of marriage, I understand that there is no place for EGO and PRIDE in oneself, if you are truly loving and giving to your spouse, it will be returned in ways you never imagined!

  • http://twitter.com/danishcanadian Leah Christensen

    I just read the above statement about letting my husband fail TO my husband, and in all honesty, I can not write the word he just used on a CHRISTIAN board. He said that if he wanted me to let him fail because he’s a man, he would have gone to Stepford to find a wife, rather than to Ontario Canada. Every now and then he catches me before I fall, or we discuss it after, and every now and then it’s the other way around. The rest of the time, we’re pretty much on the ball, and either way, we always appreciate and respect the other. For us RESPECT is not me following him blindly because he’s a man, it’s being able to appreciate eachother no matter what, and help eachother when it’s needed.

  • jr

    1 out of 10 ??? But, at least she did say that I was an outstanding Father….. before walking out on 23 years… Maybe the other 9 are important as well?

  • http://www.facebook.com/mfshahzad1 Mohammad Fateh Shahzad

    Great

  • Irene

    I have used a number of them and did not know that they are that powerful. Will try the rest. Thanks Mark.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gregg-Huestis/1063583782 Gregg Huestis

    Very good article. Not sure if all of it is true but the majority is VERY true. It all boils down to RESPECT. That’s what we as guys, husbands want.

  • http://OsiSpeaks.com KYJurisDoctor

    ALL THESE POINTS ARE TRUE, BUT MANY WOMEN LISTEN TO FEMINAZIS AND THINK SAYING ANY OF THESE THINGS TO THEIR HUSBANDS IS EQUAL TO A SURRENDER!

  • Guest

    I find it very hard to take a point seriously, when the person making it resorts to name-calling. My paternal grandfather fought the Nazis in WWII, and both my materlan grandparents helped save the lives of the Jews in Denmark. Not one Danish Jew was harmed because of brave people like them who knew what NAZIS were capable of.

    In my marriage, love and respect are mutual. Nobody leads, nobody follows, and nobody’s ego needs to be constantly stroked. There are some areas in which my husband is stronger than I am, and he leads, and there are areas where I am stronger than he is, and I lead. These areas are not based on tradition, but on individual talent. We are ALWAYS telling each other that we respect the decisions that the other one makes, and the other always plays a big part in the final decision.

    In our marriage, we work as two oxen pulling a cart. For us being evenly yolked means that we walk side by side, and hand in hand. We worked a beautiful quote by Albert Camus, into our wedding vows.

    “Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

    We also kept our own names.

    Now tell me. Do we sound like NAZIS, or two equals in a loving, committed, blissful marriage?

  • http://twitter.com/danishcanadian Leah Christensen

    I
    find it very hard to take a point seriously, when the person making it
    resorts to name-calling. My paternal grandfather fought the Nazis in
    WWII, and both my maternal grandparents helped save the lives of the
    Jews in Denmark. Not one Danish Jew was harmed because of brave people
    like them who knew what NAZIS were capable of.

    In our marriage, love and respect are mutual. Nobody leads, nobody
    follows, and nobody’s ego needs to be constantly stroked. There are some
    areas in which my husband is stronger than I am, and he leads, and
    there are areas where I am stronger than he is, and I lead. These areas
    are not based on tradition, but on individual talent. We are ALWAYS
    telling each other that we respect the decisions that the other one
    makes, and the other always plays a big part in the final decision.

    In our marriage, we work as two oxen pulling a cart. For us being
    evenly yolked means that we walk side by side, and hand in hand. We
    worked a beautiful quote by Albert Camus, into our wedding vows.

    “Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

    We also kept our own names.

    Now tell me. Do we sound like NAZIS, or two equals in a loving, committed, blissful marriage?

    Reply

    •

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  • SM Smith

    Serving your spouse is not a sub-servant quality. Service is just finding a way to show love, respect and lighten each other’s loads. The Lord was the perfect example of service and he was a servant but not a sub-servant. The world is altering the meaning of these words to be as a servant serving a master he is owned of… This is not true service.

  • crazyconfuse

    my husband keep saying that i dont know how to separate being a mom and a wife, what does he meant by that?

  • http://www.facebook.com/danishcanadian Leah Christensen

    He means that you’re so fucused on the chcildren, that he feels you are neglecting him. You are not your children’s wife, you are not your husband’s mother, so the two roles are different. However, if you want to know exactly what is in his head, ASK HIM! (not shouting, just emphasizing those last two words). Get the lines of ccommunication going, and talk about this.

  • June Sechowski

    The husband’s list makes sense to me, but the wife’s list not as much. It assumes children. I think many of the husband comments would still apply, who doesn’t want to be told they handled a situation well, or that they are wise or kind or appreciated? I remember my husband telling me once how generous I was, and it was such a nice unexpected compliment, I’ve never forgotten it. Points for making me think! Have a wonderful day. Proverbs 31 talks about the wise wife :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=2043809 Jessica Lillesand

    Was this list written in the Victorian era? I don’t need my husband as my spiritual ‘leader’ any more than I need him as my provider. I simply want a partner. And luckily my husband is not so insecure as to need his wife to be weak or dependent on him in order to feel cherished and adored for being a good partner. It saddens me that this kind of advice is still perpetuated as what God intends for a male-female dynamic. It reeks of old world misogyny.

  • Guest

    Leah- It sounds like you have a strong marriage yet the fact that you have replied in argument to each of the comments on this board hints to a lack of satisfaction within your relationship…either with your husband or with God. If whatever you do works for you than great… no need to put so much effort into putting down those women who choose to submit to GOD as He commanded.

    There are many many women who find beauty and success within marriage by submitting to their husbands. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We are equals yet I let him lead, where he leaves off I pick up. We are a team… and he is our team captain.

  • http://www.facebook.com/danishcanadian Leah Christensen

    No one has the right to assume a level of satisfaction in my marriage, or with God. If i was not satisfied in my marriage, I’d get a divorce. My husband had not had a “perfect” past, and has a few failed marriages behind him. You know something? All those women expected him to be a traditional man, and eventually he cracked under the burdon of having total responsbility foisted upon him. His words? “I’m not Jesus, I’m just a man.” Not a day goes by when he doesn’t tell me how happy he is that I’m willing to share the “driving” with him, and not just expect him to stay in the drivers seat the whole time. Not a day goes by when I don’t tell him how glad I am that he is not looking for a submissive woman. Just because submission works for some, doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. I’m satisfied with God and Jesus, because it was them who created the strong-willed woman that I am. If they wanted me to be otherwise, I wouldn’t be me.

    Have you read the rest of this thread? I’m not the only one who agrees that to EXPECT submission in this day and age is archaic. It may work for some couples, but not for everyone.

  • KanchD39

    My husband works long hours. Quite ironically he works from home, but we hardly get to communicate all week. He’ll sit in his office from morning till after midnight & some days way after midnight. I really don’t know how to deal with this. He is helpless regarding carving out more time as he is just about keeping his head above water most days. So, how do you deal with this situation?

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