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5 Ways to Avoid Marriage Foreclosure
This life can be very, very tough. What makes suffering and hardship worse is that they often turn us against each other rather than toward each other. My friends, Dennis and Barbara Rainey give five ways to keep that from happening as you navigate through the common speed bumps and detours of life and I’d like to share them with you today…
1. Give your spouse time and freedom to process trials differently. Fight the urge to discount each others’ emotions or grow impatient with the time it’s taking your spouse to deal with this. Some of us are quick to move on. Some process slowly and are more introspective. Give your spouse freedom to not be like you.
2. Recognize the temptation to withdraw from each other during periods of intense challenges. As a result, you end up thinking your spouse doesn’t understand you or isn’t taking this seriously enough, which makes you want to pull back even more.
3. Respond to trials by embracing God’s perspective of suffering. Search the Scriptures for God’s counsel and point of view. Verses like, “In everything give thanks” (1 Thessalonians 5:18) help to strengthen you through seasons of suffering, by reminding you that God is good and He is in control.
4. Remember that your mate is never your enemy. As Dr. Dan Allender says, “Your spouse is your ‘intimate ally,’ a fellow ‘burden-bearer’ for a difficult time.”
5. If the burden or suffering persists, seek outside help. If you feel like you’re slipping off in a deep ditch as a couple, don’t wait until you have all four wheels stuck before you seek the help. Find godly counsel by calling a mature mentoring couple, your pastor, or a biblical counselor to gain some traction.
Good advice. I especially think #5 is true “Find godly counsel by calling a mature mentoring couple, your pastor, or a biblical counselor to gain some traction.” It is important to note that just because someone has a “Christian Counseling” degree, they aren't necessarily a “biblical counselor.” Oftentimes “professionals” give ungodly counsel- even if they are Christians. To give godly advice you must have the Holy Spirit (which isn't acquired by way of a degree), time and experience. Make sure the person who is counseling you has the experience of raising a godly family themselves and has shown the wisdom of weathering the storms in their own life.
All 5 are good stuff. I probably need to print and post the first 4. I agree with Dianne about counselors. My husband and I have found a liscenesed Christian Counselor who ministers Gods word. We are so blessed. We have to travel an hour (most times in seperate cars because of work) to see him but is well worth the time.
It's easy when you have a spouse who is a believer but not so much when you have an nonbeliever spouse. I'm not able to share a lot of things with my spouse because he doesn't understand where I come from at all. I definitly feel like we're in forclosure and I don't know if there is a bailout for us or not. Only God is in control of it.
This came at just the right moment for me , as a reminder of how different my spouse and I truly are…by God's design.
My wife and I are going through some trials, and we are guilty of not applying these 5 ways to avoid our marriage foreclosure.
I hope and pray that it is not too late, but only God knows.
Thank You Family First for this timely reminder !!
God Bless.
l agree with all 5. The real trick is about finding counselors. My wife and I have used Christian Counselor who claim to ministers Gods word, but don’t stay the course when issues get deep. You will know when you are blessed because the counselor will guide and keep you in God’s word, so God can change you. I only control who I am and my relationship with God and how I become more like Him. Growth and change is not about how I grow and change my spouse.
I know where you are coming from. My husband is a non-believer and there is a lot I cannot discuss with him as he doesn't understand either. But another set-back is that he also holds grudges, and does not let them go. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells making sure I think about what I'm going to say or HOW to say things so that he doesn't get angry and hold it against me. Not sure is in the future for us, and I just pray that GOD will guide me thru this.
Blue, it's never too late….persevere! Love your wife no matter what…love is not conditional. And, most importantly, seek God and His Wisdom.
MRaye and Lizzy01: I am so sorry to hear your struggles. Just keep loving your husband no matter what, and watch God do His work.
Seek help through a spiritual rediscovery with your spouse. For help with troubled marriages, search Retrouvaille.
I am a firm believer that it is never too late…but if this analogy could be continued…We're sitting at the table about to sign the bankrupcy papers or hanging on to the rope over the cliff with one hand and the other person hanging onto the ankle of the one above. We are about to sign a “legal separation” which will give my husband a year to get his head on straight and realize that marriage is not easy for anyone and you have to work out problems instead of running from them. The factors of our problems are numerous and varied, but at this point the major problem is that he doesn't believe it can be salvaged or that he could “choose” to love me. I'm hanging on until there's nothing left to hold on to.
These 5 ways are very good. I have personally focused on number 3; embracing God's perspective. It has brought me a great deal of comfort. In fact, I told two Christian friends just yesterday that I was overjoyed (perhaps a strong, misplaced word) that I was aware God was at work and I was in it. I even said that the work may be for someone else and not me and that brought me pleasure. I do feel that way but it all hurts.
I have struggled to get back into the workforce after outsourcing and downsizing nearly three years ago. This plus several overwhelming events in our lives has almost crippled our marriage. My wife and I have separated and I am living in what was once our family home but now only a house under threat of foreclosure.
I often talk with my wife asking her to look at our covenant and realize that we, together, with God can conquer all. Sounds good but not easy to attain.
Keep hanging on, Crystal! Stay together under the same roof. Seek God and watch Him work.
Thrhod, so true that it's not easy. Marriage is hard work. Marriage is also heart work. And God is in the business of reviving hearts that have stopped beating in harmony. Focus on God alone!
How to you love again, if you have lost it over 10 years of verbal abuse, neglect, loveless and infidelty for years. Now that he is changing, I have no love. I have been praying to god.. In my heart, I would like to separate.. I stay on my face in prayer. Please Help Nicole
I am trying with all I have. Some days I say “Lord, I have nothing left to give.” But somehow I continue and I know that it is only by God's grace that I do. Gods grace is sufficient even when we don't see it or even feel it. Thanks Mark.
what i am learning in my marriage is to be real with my self first what i like may not be what he like we have had some good time and diffently some bad but the good has out way the bad we are both born again christian and love every min. of it, my husband move a little slow than i would like but each day i am asking God to keep me humble i have no energy to start a new relationship with a nother man life is to good and short for that, i am work on this marriage until death due us, he has great heart and it take great work so we must work while it is day because no man can work while it is night
it will take the both and we do understand that, good counsel is good but the Father will guide you better He will not take sides, thanks, PC
I was reading your request and I am saying this could have been my request, with deep concern you must both come to a good understanding of what you want it is sad when you want to be with a person who has no concern on work it out this is your husband and God word say if they choose to go let him but if he stay then thats good but you must keep your self from been angry at him keep your self around postive people and stay in the word no it want be easy but you can win, if i can really write what me and my husband has going thru it will take book to hold it we are so bless to say that all that has happen in our marriage we have can more concern about each other feeling so if i could say to you keep looking to God and know He said no more than we can bare be in courage and our prayers are with you and please the saint win, love PC